Angel in the Attic
by Leola Mae
Summary: What if Alice saw Bella coming? What if Edward was waiting for her knowing she belonged to him? What he is, isn't the only thing Edward is hiding. AU EdwardxBella
1. Prologue

Angel in the Attic

Summary: What if Alice saw Bella coming? What if Edward was waiting for her knowing she belonged to him? What he is, isn't the only thing Edward is hiding.

Prologue

EPOV

_She's there-just thirty feet from me with her radiant smile and eyes so full of love, sparkling with venomous tears -and she's looking at me…at ME._

_I am in awe of this glorious creature, standing in a room full of flowers and people. There is silence except for the occasional wayward note, leaking into my consciousness like dewdrops. An errant ray of light strikes the sparkling jewel on her left hand, and I become distracted by the tiny shimmer._

_I know with absolute certainty the time, place and occasion. I have intimate knowledge of the heart and soul of the woman of surpassing beauty now making her way toward me, the beaded, white lace trailing behind her. I know the depth of those warm butterscotch eyes better than I know my own. _

_And yet…_

Every member of my family ceased their mundane daily tasks as the last notes from my piano hung like punctuation marks around my words.

"Alice, what in God's name was that?"


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**EPOV**

"He's what?!"

"When?"

"You're shittin' me!"

"Finally!"

"To a girl?"

The cacophony of responses to Alice's response to my question was neither comforting nor amusing.

She repeated herself slowly, "Edward. Is. Getting. Married. I don't know when. And, yes, Rose, to a girl."

Alice rolled her eyes, and I glared at Rosalie.

She shrugged thinking, "_What? Just checking?"_

Alice continued, "A very beautiful, young woman with mahogany hair and golden eyes."

Carlisle nodded at her in acknowledgement of the implication regarding her diet.

"Do we know her?" Carlisle asked Alice, then turned to me. "Is she someone you recognize?"

I shook my head slightly and dropped my gaze to my hands. I was stunned. I was to be wed? Me? The thought electrified me. My dead heart felt enlivened at the possibility that there was someone out there for me.

The excitement I felt bubbling within me at the certainty of finding my mate, when I had given up hope, was too private to share yet-except with Jasper. He knew exactly how I was feeling right now. He nodded, sending a brief smile in my direction, when I gave a quick glance up to see if he was able to reign in my emotions rather than letting them loose on the whole room. Acknowledging his efforts on my behalf, I nodded back and looked at my fingers again.

I was uncomfortable at the attention as my family's thoughts were running rampant with speculation.

Esme was beside herself with relief at the thought of me finding a mate. _"Thank God! He wasn't too young."_

Rosalie's thoughts slipped, revealing she was curious and mildly jealous. _"Why couldn't it have been me?"_ She thought daggers at me, warning me to keep that particular tidbit to myself, but I couldn't help the smugness I felt. I cleared my throat unnecessarily to stop the smirk pulling at my lips.

"_Just wait until he's married…"_ Emmett delighted himself with ideas of good-natured revenge for my unintentional mental invasion into his private time with his wife.

Alice searched the future for additional glimpses of the woman who would be my wife. I focused on the broken images that flitted across her mind.

"Oh, she's going to be the dearest of friends." Alice clasped her hands to her heart as she sat on the floor between Jasper's feet. "And she's so beautiful, too.

"Esme, Carlisle, you will feel more like parents to her than to any of us.

"Emmett, I see her laughing and playing with you.

"Rose, she has the most awful old truck. You're going to love restoring it!"

Rosalie and Emmett exchanged smiles of curiosity, each thinking they were happy for the other to have a new facet added to their life.

Alice's voice dropped to a whisper in wonderment. "And…and…she's gifted, too." She concentrated, but came up with only disjointed fragments where she saw Jasper training her. "Something really powerful, but I can't get a handle on it. Maybe something like you do, Jazz? I see you working with her, teaching her."

Jasper's thoughts were enthusiastic for training once again. It was a part of his life in the Southern Wars that he enjoyed despite the evil he was desperate to get away from. He was eager to teach once again, but this time for good. Ideas for methodology and exercises bounced around in his head, memories of things he had done so long ago and again for Alice when they found each other; ways he could change his teaching style to take into account possible forms of my mate's gift.

We all basked in his pleasure at this prospect while his gift allowed his happiness to be shared with us.

"So she's a newborn then?" Carlisle questioned trying to piece together the puzzle.

Jasper stroked his fingers through Alice's hair when she cocked her head in concentration. "I think so?" I watched her smoke-hazed sight pick up tiny shards of visions. "It's like she just popped up on my radar. Maybe she's just been turned?"

We all looked to Carlisle for his opinion.

"That seems plausible, likely even." He considered this with his fingers steepled together against his lips. "We know Alice's gift is stronger in picking up our kind than humans. If this girl has just 'popped up,' as you say, then it is likely that she's just become one of us."

"Maybe she's just coming our way? You know, like she just turned left in Albuquerque?" Emmett offered.

"I don't think so." Alice frowned searching her visions for what the lovely girl would be doing in the near future. "I can't see where she is right now or where she is going. The visions are very dark and cloudy. The wedding is the most clear."

"Can you see any other details of the wedding?" Carlisle stopped here and gave me a fatherly congratulatory pat on the back while his thoughts showed me how happy he was for me. "Is the Denali coven there?"

"What are you thinking, dear?" Esme wrapped her arms around Carlisle's neck as she came to stand behind the chair in which he sat.

Looking out the window behind the couch where Rose sat perched in Emmett's lap and Jasper beside them, I watched the stars disappear behind black clouds while I let Carlisle's thoughts and words wash over me, helping to turn this beautiful dream into reality.

"Just this, sweetheart . . . her eyes tell us she shares our diet. I know of no others besides the Denalis that hold with our philosophy and, unless she is as rare a creature as Alice - who sought us out and embraced our habits from her first vision - I know of no others who could lead her to the same conclusions regarding humane feeding and teach a newborn to ignore her thirst for human blood to feed on animals instead."

"She could be as rare and compassionate as you and reject the idea of killing humans on her own." Esme smiled as her husband lifted his face to hers with proffered kisses.

Turning my attention back to Alice's vision, she grasped at it again, searching for faces. "Yes! They're there! Perhaps they have recently added a sister to their trio?"

"Perhaps, I shall call them tomorrow and ask. If they have just changed her, they will have their hands full. Getting control of a newborn in the wildness of their bloodlust is no easy task. Maybe we could offer to come and help? Can you tell us anything else? The time of year?"

Possible pieces of this magnificent puzzle began to fall into place in my mind. I could see us all in Alaska, helping and guiding her through her trying first year-visions of Jasper training her, Emmett and I hunting with her, Alice and Rose shopping for her, Esme mothering her, and Carlisle teaching her our history.

I thought of the Denalis: Irina and Kate and Tanya…Tanya might prove to be a bit of a challenge if she decided to be jealous. I fervently hoped that they would not begrudge our intrusion. Suddenly, I wanted to go pack for Alaska.

"Spring!" Alice bounced again as her vision showed her turning to look out a giant picture window and see new foliage and abundant blossoms, plentiful and colorful against the green. Her excitement rivaled my own. She was thinking of the many things she would do with her new friend.

Ours was a lonely existence, and each member of our family was eternally grateful for the others. Only in living together as a family was the loneliness kept at bay. To add another to our mix was almost as wonderful to each of them as it was to me. Each member of my family delighted in the possibility of a new sister, daughter and friend. I was as happy for each of them as for myself.

"_A spring wedding!"_ Esme sang in her mind, thinking of all the possibilities for decorations.

Looking out the window at the snow-covered New Year's Eve night behind my siblings, my heart soared as realization dawned that I could be marrying my mate in as little as a few months.

_MY MATE! _

I shot Jasper an apologetic shrug when I saw him flinch under the strain of containing my emotions.

"_It's okay, Edward. I'm happy for you,"_ he thought.

"Excellent!" Carlisle beamed at me, obviously following my train of thought without the benefit of my abilities. "And a location maybe? Can you tell where it takes place?"

"Some place green…and…" Alice began.

"It's Forks, our house in Forks."

All eyes turned on me. It was the first time I'd spoken since the conversation began.

"But we haven't lived there since the thirties!" Rose frowned deeply and crossed her arms glaring at me, her distaste for moving raining on the sunshine of Alice's revelations.

I sighed heavily. Of course, she would blame this on me.

"Hmmm. . . . " I heard Carlisle's concerns before he voiced them. "It will take some doing for us to move back to Forks. We'll need to revisit the tribe and see if the treaty can be reinstated. I'm sure they are on the second, perhaps third, generation of chief and elders since the treaty was enacted. They may not honor it …may not even know about it."

I reminded him of Chief Black's words to us all those many years ago. "He told us they wouldn't forget. He said his people would keep the memories in their songs and stories." Carlisle nodded. The chief had meant it as a threat, but I hoped it could work to our benefit.

Carlisle elaborated. "The point is that we cannot move there as easily as we might some of our other homes, but we are jumping the gun a bit. We haven't found her yet. In truth, Edward has not told us if he wishes for us to look for her. Perhaps, the better strategy might be to wait for natural occurrences to bring them together?"

They all looked to me for an answer I didn't have. I searched each of their thoughts for inspiration.

Emmett was eager for an adventure to break up the monotony of high school.

Jasper was consumed with trying to keep a handle on my swirling emotions because my mind was a whirlpool of excitement, trepidation, eagerness and apprehension.

Rose was pouting, warring between anger at the possibility of having to start over when we were one semester from graduating from our current version of high school hell and elation at the possibility of gaining another sister.

Esme was already considering how to remodel the Forks house to accommodate our larger family, because Alice and Jasper had joined us since our last stay there. She was particularly intent on transforming the previously unused third floor for me as I would be newly mated and perhaps need more space and additional privacy.

"I don't have to decide what to do right now. It won't be this spring." I said to know no one in particular.

"Pardon, dear?" Esme asked in confusion.

"If Alice has just caught her on her radar, because she's just been changed, the wedding won't be this spring. I can't marry a newborn. There's no way she'd be ready."

All six sets of eyes registered comprehension and then each their own reaction to that understanding - some pity, some frustration, some sadness - none deeper than my own.

I've waited decades to find love: watching those I love pair off happily, living in mated and marital bliss, seeing the strength of the mating bond as it forms both instantly and over time, always wondering if that would ever be me.

_Is Esme right? Did Carlisle change me too young? Am I fated to be forever young and to live the youth of this life, never alone, but always lonely?_

Now, I knew. I had merely been waiting for _her._ I had never met her, because she hadn't been changed yet. Now that she was, I was eager to get to her.

No. Not eager; the word was insufficient. What was this I felt? I hadn't even met her yet, but my mind was consumed with her already.

I smiled to myself. Finally, my questions were answered.


	3. Chapter 2

Author's note: In order to prevent flooding followers' inboxes with 28 emails about the posting of this story, I'm just going to post one chapter a day the way I am doing with "Brotherly Love." However, this story was posted before on my other profile and is complete.

Chapter 2

"Yes, I understand. You'll call me if something changes? Thank you, Irina. Yes, we will try to visit soon. Goodbye."

Already wild with frustrated tugging, my hair suffered another pass of my fingers as Carlisle hung up the phone.

"_Edward, just because that was our most likely possibility doesn't mean it was our only shot."_

"I know," I answered his thoughts from the leather chair across the desk from him.

"_Have you decided what it is you wish to do?"_

"I haven't."

"_You are happy about this, though, aren't you? You know Alice's visions aren't set in stone. This is only a possible future, not one you have to pursue."_

"I know, but…" How to explain? I watched my fingers tap out a melody on my knees. The familiar movement calmed my nerves and helped to center me, so I could focus my thoughts.

"_What is it, son?"_ he thought when I hesitated.

"I believe the mating has already begun."

He stared at me blankly with his fingers entwined in his lap. "_What do you mean?"_

I stood and walked to the window to stare out at the snow-scape before me. I took a deep, unnecessary breath to give me time to collect my thoughts.

"We know that for us the mating begins instantly when we meet, even though the bond continues to grow over time, yes?"

He motioned in the affirmative for me to proceed. I could feel the scientist's thrill in his thoughts at the possibility of new discovery.

"Though I have not met her, nor she me, I have seen her through Alice's mind and, having seen her, the mating tie is being forged. The same was probably true for Alice when she saw Jasper in her visions. It is my belief that she couldn't have NOT looked for him had she tried, because, from her first vision of him, the mating process had begun."

Alice floated in with Jasper sauntering behind her. "It is an intriguing theory, brother, and I am inclined to agree with you. Not that I would have ever thought to not look for him, but the pull was undeniable. I felt it so strongly that it never occurred to me to resist." She leaned back against his chest as he planted kisses at the slope of her neck and shoulder.

"Of course not, darlin'." He smiled at her, remembering again with fondness the first time he saw her.

"I loved him from the first glimpse of him in my mind."

I arched an eyebrow at Carlisle, hoping he understood me to be saying, "So it is with me."

"So, we look for her," Carlisle stated just to be clear.

"Yes," I whispered, nodding to the icicles on the eaves just outside the window in front of me.

"Hot damn! Hear that, Rosie? We're going cruisin' for chicks!" Emmett's bellow reached us easily. I rolled my eyes while Alice and Jasper left the room.

"_Are you okay, son?"_

I nodded, turning from the window to look at the portrait of Carlisle and Esme on his desk. The sight affected me greatly.

We were physically unchanging with memories of every detail of our lives and everything around us held in perfect clarity in our minds. Sights, sounds, thoughts, visions never faded with time, and yet, Carlisle had a picture of his wife on his desk, just so that he could gaze upon her face at all times. I wanted the same thing, the same desire, and for that desire to be fulfilled.

"I don't even know her name, Carlisle, but I want her. Desperately. Whoever she is, she's mine." I paused under the weight of my next words, but felt them pushing out from my chest, needing to voice them, to acknowledge their truth by giving them sound and substance. "And I am hers…completely."

In the days that followed, we contacted nearly every vampire we knew and who knew of our lifestyle. None of them had recently changed anyone or knew of anyone who had been changed.

Changing someone wasn't a common occurrence because of the amount of control it took to accomplish. Too often, it turned into a feeding. Once the blood was tasted, only the most disciplined, the most determined could refuse its thirst-quenching sweetness.

Of the seven in our family, only five of us had been changed on purpose and four of those were by Carlisle. He had changed Esme, Rosalie, Emmett and me in order to save our lives. Jasper was changed by Maria, and he knew that his changing had been her purpose. Carlisle's change was a feeding interrupted. Only Alice's change was questionable. As her creator was nowhere to be found after she awoke, we all assumed that her change was probably accidental, like Carlisle's.

Everyone with whom we spoke assured us that they would call if they heard something.

"Maybe we need to revisit Emmett's idea that she is a nomad. Perhaps, like me, her creator was scared off or destroyed, and she has been left to fend for herself? Maybe that's why Alice saw you training her, Jasper, because her creator isn't there to do it." Carlisle suggested while we sat around the living room, enjoying the ambiance of the heat and glow from the fireplace.

"If that's the case, then it is imperative that we find her. A newborn without guidance can run amuck and cause widespread damage. The Volturi could get wind of her and feel the need to do some . . . damage control." Jasper tried to soften his words, but, in his thoughts, I saw clearly the danger that she could be in if she wasn't found and guided in the ways of our world.

My concern for her welfare spiked. It was becoming clearer that we needed to find her quickly.

"We can watch the papers for signs of an out of control newborn. She won't be able to control her bloodlust on her own, and she won't be able to hide her killing spree. She should be pretty easy to spot if what Jasper says is true." I smiled at Rosalie's display of concern.

From her perch on the arm of Carlisle's chair, Esme asked, "Have you seen anything else, Alice?"

"Just small details. Physically, she appears to be eighteen. She is going to hate shopping with us, but will do it anyway. She fits in perfectly with us. I see glimpses of her laughing, playing games and talking with us.

"She's not as fast as Edward, but she can jump further. She's graceful and beautiful. I can't see how we find her though. Everything is still so fuzzy, like there are too many decisions yet to be made."

I drank up these small glimpses of her I had through Alice's mind and greedily cataloged every detail. The information about shopping showed her to be kind, generous and willing to compromise for the sake of others. The sight of her laughing with Emmett proved that she had a sense of humor. Enjoying games indicated she had a fun side while the vision of her engaged in deep conversation gave me insight into her intellect.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked, as I rose from my spot on the floor near the fire.

"I'm alright. Just need a break." I answered, tapping my head in silent indication that the thoughts of the others were becoming a drain on me – a signal they all recognized and so turned back to each other to pick up the loose ends of their conversation.

It wasn't true, but it was an easy out. I could no longer stand their scrutiny. The truth was that my longing for her, my sweet Angel, was weighing heavily on me, and I needed the escape to funnel the longings into some form of expression.

Entering my room, I went directly to my journal. The pages were filled with my drawings of her. Almost obsessively, I had been filling it with sketches of her from every sliver of vision I had seen in Alice's mind-her laughing, running, sitting and talking.

There were pages upon pages of her at our wedding, drawn as if in stop motion from one second to the next: her eyes cast down as she took the first step down the aisle toward me, her gaze as it traveled up to me through her lashes, then - as our eyes locked - her recognition, love and, finally, her brilliant smile.

I wanted to talk to her so desperately that I had taken to writing her letters. It was moments before I realized that my hand, of its own volition, had gathered pen and paper and poised itself above waiting for the longing to organize itself into words and phrases while I had stared at the drawings of my mate.

Glancing down, the words began.

_My Precious One,_

_Come to me, dearest, or tell me where you are. I will run to you. I will cross rivers, swim oceans or climb mountains for you- brave any battle to find you. No danger is too great if you'll but call to me. Tell me where to find you, and I will be there before you can draw your next breath._

I couldn't go on. The pain was too great, the longing overwhelming. My head fell to my hands, elbows propped on my desk. My fingers pulled at my hair.

Her thoughts slid over me as unobtrusively as she was able to make them. "How did you do it, Alice?" She was leaning against the closed door, waiting, having known I would need to ask her this question.

"The same as you are doing now, Edward. I had my visions to keep me company when he could not. I watched ahead for all the things we would do together and all the joy we would have once I found him."

She paused, then continued in her thoughts. "_I will do that for you, Edward. I will continue to search ahead for your time with her. That will make it…less painful." _

With that, she was gone again, leaving me with my longing. . . and my loneliness.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

We spent the next six months scouring newspapers and chasing leads for possible newborn activity, first near us, then in gradually widening in concentric circles. Despite our forays into areas all over the country, we found nothing of my beloved.

Winter passed.

Spring came and went.

Summer was waning once again when I reached the limit of my emotional capacity.

By the time autumn was dawning once more, I was nearly out of my mind.

"Surely, you can tell me something more, Alice!" I tried and failed to contain my frustration after our latest broken lead, this time in Maine.

"I see nothing of how to find her. I'm sorry." She hung her head, and I felt her remorseful and self-depreciating thoughts. She was blaming herself for the visions failing to come.

Embarrassed by my behavior, but at the end of my rope, I continued on. "How did you find Jasper?" I was grasping at straws at this point.

Rosalie huffed in frustration, and Emmett followed her out to the garage. Esme was already upstairs, working on the blueprints for the Forks house. Carlisle just sat and listened, understanding that sometimes a scientist has to go back to the beginning many times before he finds the solution.

Jasper sat beside his wife and stroked her neck, giving me disapproving glances and pointed thoughts when I became too harsh with her.

In the breath of her sigh Alice whispered, "We've been through this, Edward. I saw the diner where I met him."

"Yes, but was this a place you knew, that you had been to before?" I paced before her listening to her thoughts, as much as her words, watching her memories play out in her mind like a movie.

"No, I'd never been there. I'd never even been to Philadelphia."

Of course I knew this, but I had passed desperate a long time ago. I was teetering on the edge of insanity, crazy with the longing that had been awakened by that first beautifully terrible vision. I was beginning to wish Alice had never seen her.

Was it easier to wait for something without hope or to know it was coming and yet not be able to reach for it? Such was my quandary with my Love. I could see her, hear her, love her, but not touch her, talk to her…make love to her. Before Alice's visions of her, I was hopeless and despondent, brooding always for something I had become convinced would never be mine. Was I better off then or now? I didn't know.

"So you knew Philadelphia was right how?" I pressed onward.

"I don't know." I watched her struggle to find accurate descriptors. "I just started heading in a direction that felt right. The closer I got, the clearer some of the visions of Jazz and me became – like hunting together, coming to find the family, things like that."

"Then why don't you just pick a direction and see if Alice's visions get clearer?"

So intently had I been concentrating on Alice's memories that I hadn't heard Emmett and Rosalie return from the garage.

"Why does he have to pick at random?" Rosalie asked Emmett. "If they're getting married in Forks, why not start there? Wouldn't that be the most obvious place?"

"Freesia and roses," Alice and I said simultaneously.

"Pardon?" Carlisle inquired.

"The flowers at the wedding – freesias and roses – they just came into focus." Alice clarified.

Everyone turned to look at me.

"I'm leaving in the morning."

_To She who holds my heart,_

_I call you this, my Angel, because you have captured me so completely. I am yours, completely at your mercy. As selfish as I am, I pray I'll find you quickly. I pray thus daily to the God whom I believed had forgotten or abandoned me long ago, unable or unwilling to find mercy for such a monster as myself. Now, however, I find that I am forced to reconsider my opinion on this matter._

_Perhaps I am not forgotten? It must be that He has remembered me and has bestowed upon me greater mercy than I could have fathomed, if you are truly to be mine. For what greater heaven could be achieved in an undying state than to spend eternity with you?_

_And so I pledge I will not be guilty of the sin of forgetfulness, for never one day of my considerable existence will I take for granted the precious gift He is bestowing upon me by entrusting you into my hands._

_I am, hopefully, getting closer to you today. I am leaving shortly for the place that Alice's visions seem to be leading. I am going to Forks, and I pray to who I now to be a most benevolent God that I may look into your eyes and stroke your cheek, as I take you in my arms, by this time tomorrow._

_I remain unreservedly yours,_

_Edward_

Tucking my journal and pen into my backpack, I headed downstairs. I could hear the thoughts of my family as I prepared to leave alone. They were planning on complicating this venture by accompanying me.

"You're going to eventually say yes to Jazz, Carlisle and me going with you. So, why don't you just go ahead and give in now? That way we can be on our way that much faster."

I rolled my eyes at Alice's manipulative logic, but immediately saw in her mind the long battle of wills that would ensue and delay me several more hours where I would then leave with the exact members of my family she had named.

My fingers pinched the bridge of my nose as I sighed in exasperation. Seconds later, Alice was enthusiastically giving hugs and parting words to those who would be left behind.

Esme came and wrapped me in her arms like a mother with her child. "_Bring my daughter home to me, Edward."_

Her words startled me. I looked into her eyes and saw a longing that rivaled my own. Understanding was beginning to dawn on me what my Angel's addition to our family meant to the others. I nodded at her.

Emmett clapped me on the back soundly. "Good hunting, little brother," he grinned.

Rosalie battled her rivaling emotions, but wished me luck in her thoughts. "_Stop being so dramatic, Edward. You'll depress her._ "

"Later," she said aloud.

A few minutes later, I was one of four piling into Carlisle's Mercedes and left our remaining family members waving to us from the porch.

"How did you manage to get the time to come with us?" I asked Carlisle. It wasn't that I didn't want him with me, quite the contrary actually; I was more comforted by his presence than I was anyone's on this journey.

"I just told the hospital that I had been working too much lately, and I was tired." He grinned conspiratorially at his joke. "When they realized exactly how many hours I really do put in, they practically shoved me out the door and told me not to come back for at least two weeks. They don't want a lawsuit on their hands from a tired doctor making errors."

"_Are you all right, son?"_ he thought, so that I could have the option of privacy for my feelings.

Was I? My head shook side to side ever so slightly before I became conscious of it.

"_Are you nervous about meeting her?"_

"No…yes…that's not it really."

Jasper and Alice were curious and concerned, but attempting to afford me whatever privacy was possible in a car with an empath, a psychic, a mind reader and their would-be father.

_What is 'it'? Are you impatient, excited, worried?_ His eyes held such compassion, as he tried to understand my feelings with the hope of helping me.

The trees rushed by us in what would have been a blur for human eyes, as I considered all the things I was feeling. My fingers ran through my hair again and I leaned my head against the headrest.

"All of that and so much more."

"_Do you want to talk about it?"_

"No." I couldn't put it into words that wouldn't be redundant or inadequate. Pouring my heart out to her in letters, as had become my habit, helped in a miniscule way, as if I could almost span the gulf that truly lay between us. These letters and my drawings of her were the closest things I had to a tangible connection with her. "Just drive faster."

"Thank you." I said to Alice, as I closed my eyes and allowed myself to get lost in the fragments of visions of my mate and me and the future we would have together that flittered through her mind.

Thus, I passed the time while the road white lines of the highway disappeared beside us and eventually stars came out to guide us on our way.

"For now, let's not be seen." Carlisle broke the comfortable silence as we drove into Forks. "We don't yet know what we'll find or what our story will need to be here. Until we figure that out, we need to remain invisible."

The three of us nodded in agreement.

"What am I looking for here, Alice? How do I proceed?"

The clock on the dash told us it was a few minutes after noon. Carlisle's refusal to drive at speeds that attempted to break the sound barrier frustrated me to no end, but finally we were in Forks.

Thankfully, it was raining, though we were hidden with our darkly tinted windows as we drove through the sleepy little streets.

"I don't know, Edward. When I found Jazz, I just closed my eyes and went in the direction that I felt I was being pulled."

Looking at her a little dubiously, I wondered if I had sent us on yet another wild goose chase.

"Sure, I went in a few circles, but it could have been that he was too, and I was just following him." Alice shrugged at this thought. "Eventually it worked though."

She flashed him a beaming smile. He rewarded her with a sweetly passionate kiss.

"Yes, it did," he added against her lips.

"Why not try to track her?" Jasper suggested. "If she is here or has been here, we should be able to pick up her scent."

"That's true," Alice agreed. "We'll need to proceed on foot though."

"We can leave the car at the house. No one will see it there. Then, we can split up and canvas the area. Let's meet back there in say…three hours?" Carlisle offered, turning the car to head to the house.

The dense foliage and constant rain-filled clouds afforded me the opportunity to weave in and out of neighborhoods like a ghostly apparition – there, but not.

I found myself near the hospital first. A newborn vampire would definitely be attracted to the smell of blood that hung in the air around it. I circled the building inhaling the scents on the breeze that whirled around it. I was forced to retreat quickly into the moist greenery when a police cruiser headed in my direction. Finding nothing, I wound my way through the streets trying to pick up even the faintest vampire scent.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The desolation began to settle in.

What if she wasn't here? What if she had never been here? What if the reason the wedding happened here was because I brought her here? There were just too many unknowns.

Her newborn year was winding down, if our suppositions were correct. If Jasper was to help her in using her gift, wasn't time running out? Surely, she was getting a handle on it now that the bloodlust was beginning to fade and wouldn't need Jasper's help.

Alice had her first vision on New Year's Eve, and we were now approaching winter again. I had given up hope of marrying last spring, almost as soon as the thought had occurred to me, but I had taken for granted that I would have found her before the year had passed.

I had looked forward to guiding and teaching her, being there for her through the most difficult parts of her newborn existence.

_I'm too late to hold her hand through her change_, I thought regrettably.

But I had wanted to support her, help her through this first confusing and trying year, but now I was missing it…missing it all! Damn it!

A hole appeared in a tree beside me when my fist pounded into it in disappointment.

I wanted to take her by her tiny hand and show her the ways of our world, show her the world, as only we could see it. I wanted to show her the world and to lay it all at her feet, but every day that passed was a day that I lost in our eternity.

Eternity - you'd think that would be enough for me, that I wouldn't be jealous of every day that was slipping away from me, but…hell…I'm a selfish bastard and I wanted them all, every last one of them!

Without realizing it, I began walking, lost in my thoughts, until I found myself standing in the sheltering camouflage of the forest, staring between leaves and branches at the back of a small white house. The smell hit me like a boulder falling at terminal velocity, easily overpowering any rational thought I had, and I realized that I had found what I never knew I was looking for.

In the time it would take for a heart to beat, I located a human on the bottom floor, and the most heavenly scent that ever floated on air. The smell, concentrated on the top floor, called to me like a siren's song.

Before I could blink, I had scaled the wall and forced the window open silently. No other thoughts were able to form in my head, much less guide my thinking to a less dangerous course of action.

I flew across the room I was in to where the scent lay hidden. Ripping away its hiding place with no more consideration of safety, what I saw would have stopped my heart had it not been still already.

In mortification, I tore my body nearly in half by force of will and ran from the room, leaping from the window, barely conscious that I left a growling, snarling, agonized cry ripped from my throat behind me. I was, however, acutely, painfully-like the bit of a drill inserted into my temple-aware of the screaming that chased after me.

Trees fell and branches shattered, as I pummeled my way through the forest towards my family's home. I ran at top speed until I reached the living room, ripping the door from the hinges in the process, and fell to my knees with a dry, heaving sob.

Alice, Jasper and Carlisle were struck dumb for a fraction of a second, as they took in my broken frame on my knees on the carpet.

Jasper spun to his wife when she cried out, "Oh, my God!"

Carlisle, trying to discern if I was injured, spoke in his doctor's voice. "Edward, are you hurt? Can you speak? Tell me what happened?"

Alice's whisper crashed upon my ears. "He found her…"

"And she . . . hurt you? Her newborn strength is still in force?" He asked with incredulity, striving for an explanation of my stance on the floor that I was unable to voice.

I shook my head as I choked on the words that tried to form themselves in my throat. My fingers splayed on the floor tearing into the softness. The heaving breaths shredding my lungs refused to be reined in as emotion poured out of me.

"She's hurt?" He paused, not wanting speak his greater fear. He whispered, "Dead?"

Another sob tore from me as I tried to comfort myself with that at least . . . . At least. . . she wasn't dead. I shook my head again at Carlisle's question.

"She is not hurt . . . not strong. Is she not a newborn then?" He was totally confounded, attempting to scientifically work through the problem to arrive at an answer.

I laughed at his newest inquiry; the sound was desperate, demented, even to my own ears, but it stopped my sobbing.

"Newborn?! Oh, yes, she's a newborn." The laughter became manic as the pain increased.

"I don't understand. Is she crazy? Held captive? In danger?" He was guessing wildly now.

Alice was shaking her head violently while Jasper gave up trying to contain my emotions and instead tried to just not amplify and echo them.

Looking up at Carlisle where he knelt over me, I felt my eyes plead with him to help me…but how, I didn't know.

"She's a newborn alright. She's an infant…a HUMAN. NEWBORN. INFANT. And I almost killed her."

The sobs began anew.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"An infant? Like a baby?" The shock on Carlisle's face matched his tone, as he sat back on his heels beside me on the floor.

I must have gone into shock, because I felt my whole being – mind, body, emotions – going numb. I stared into the faces around me. It struck me that the situation would be incredibly funny if it was just so…not.

"Yes, a baby. Only a day or two old from what I could tell. I didn't stay long enough to find out."

"You said you almost killed her. What did you mean? You haven't lost control of your bloodlust in well over half a century."

"I don't know, Carlisle!" I yelled, throwing my hands in the air in frustration. "I've never smelled anything so wonderful, anyone so mouthwatering in all my years! If I hadn't been denying myself for so long, I would have…even though she is a…just a tiny. . . . Oh, my God! I could have killed an infant!"

A different sort of suffering descended upon me at what I had almost done, could so easily have done. My head dropped into my hands at the awful possibility.

"_And his mate, too."_

My head snapped up at Jasper's errant thought. His unspoken words sent me over the edge.

"My mate? My mate! In what fucked up universe could I ever look at that days' old infant and think of her as my mate!?"

Suddenly, I found myself on my feet pacing the room in fury and muttering expletives. Carlisle placed his hands on my shoulders to stop my frantic pacing.

"Putting aside the issue of your mate for now, I think I might have an explanation for her blood's affect on you. She's your singer."

I turned to face him, waiting for him to explain. "The effect is rare, but not unheard of. I've seen it happen to others, though I've never experienced it myself. I believe that is what Emmett experienced that time in Appalachia, though we had no time to discuss it as we had to move so quickly because of the lapse. When I lived with the Volturi I saw it a few times. They call it 'Il Suo Cantante.' It means that her blood sings to you, and I have to say that I have never, ever seen anyone resist the effect their singer has upon them, until now. Edward…your control has amazed me yet again."

A hollow laugh escaped me. "At least, she lives. I don't think I could have resisted had she been anything other than a baby. I know of no vampire, no matter how wild, who would feed on…" The thought was so abhorrent I thought I might be violently ill. I couldn't even finish my sentence.

"Yes, she lives. And you did very well. I am proud of you, son."

"What! I nearly killed her at worst and, at best, I scared the bejeebus out of her and her parents." Another detail that had gotten lost amongst the chaos came to the forefront now.

"Oh, God, Carlisle, they heard me! I…yelled…when I ran. I left her screaming and her parents heard me. They've probably called the police by now. I left the window open. Who knows what damage I caused?" Panic settled in my gut.

_What have I done?_

"Let's just sit and take a break for a minute. We have much to think about, and the emotions of the situation are diverting our attention." Carlisle gestured to the cloth covered furniture, and we made our way there, silently removing their covers, giving us a chance to calm down. Once we were seated and composed, he began again.

"Let us start with what we know. Alice has anything changed in your visions?"

I watched her search the future. "No, if anything the wedding is more solid now. He WILL marry her."

"I will not be party to her death! It was one thing if she was already changed but I will not be the reason for it. I will not kill her!"

"Your words do not change anything, Edward. You can see the visions in my head as clearly as I can, and you can see that your words do not change that future."

"You may not be the reason she is changed…"

Past the point of self-control, I didn't let Jasper finish before I started yelling again. "I won't allow it! She won't be sentenced to this death . . . to this existence . . . if I can help it."

"There are years yet before this issue must be addressed. Let's move on to more pressing matters. We need to know what damage was done and whether we can fix anything or need to hide the evidence. I'm afraid we are going to need to return to her house and see what we can find out. It would be helpful to have your gift to assist us, Edward. Do you think you can control the thirst?"

"I'm okay now. I was caught off-guard before. Now that I know what to expect, it won't be as difficult…I hope." The last came out in a whisper.

"If it becomes too much, Jasper, Alice and I can hold you back."

My gaze was fixed on the brilliant autumn colors framed in the large windows. I nodded to acknowledge him and drew up the memories of her smell to try and begin desensitizing to her scent.

Jasper's thought distracted me. "_I wonder why she showed up in Alice's visions on New Year's?"_

The mental calculations took a fraction of a second. It had been approximately forty weeks since New Year's. I didn't need two medical degrees to understand what that meant.

"Conception."

"What?" Alice asked.

I turned to face them. They were all watching me from their seats on the furniture. "Jasper was wondering why you saw her so suddenly on New Year's. It's been forty weeks since then, the length of human gestation. She is only a few days old. You probably saw her from the moment she was conceived…New Year's Eve."

Alice's eyes grew wide. Carlisle considered the possible ramifications, as his thoughts went to the same place as Jasper's next words.

"Then, for every second of her life, she has belonged to you."

Three a.m. found me standing in the nursery of a human infant girl whose blood smelled so earth shatteringly tempting to me that the scent had hit me like an atom bomb the second I caught the faintest whiff of it. The presence of my family, their restraining thoughts and decades of denial and self-control kept me from partaking of the blood that did indeed sing to me – like a siren calling me to doom. The first few seconds, I wasn't certain that I could resist the temptation, but I had and I was and I didn't know how I felt about any of it.

Alice's tinkling whisper came from behind me seconds after I watched the visions play out in her head. My shoulders slumped as she spoke. "You'll never leave her."

I heard the sharp intake of breath on either side of me.

"It is more certain with every moment that passes. He changes her, marries her and, from this moment on, he will not leave her again."

The tone of Alice's voice would have been enough to convince me, even without the benefits of my abilities, so firm was her assurance. None of us questioned her.

Something in me felt broken. It is true that time passes differently for us and great lengths of time can feel insignificant when compared to eternity on this earth.

But I had waited so long. So very long.

Yet, not as long as Carlisle. I now understood with perfect clarity the desolate isolation that drove him to change me.

And now I was to wait eighteen more years?

Straitening my spine, I felt my resolve swell inside me.

_I could do it_, I told myself. _Eighteen years is nothing, no more than a blink of the eye. I would wait._

I heard the humorless laugh again as a disembodied sound, only barely cognizant that it came from my otherwise silent chest.

Of course I would wait; I had no choice at this point. Her life was more precious to me than my own, her happiness my greatest desire, her childhood mine to watch and guard. She would never come to harm. And, if I could help it, she would never be changed. I could not kill her; would not allow anyone else to either.

Carlisle lifted the sleeping bundle from her bed and laid her in my arms. I looked at her stretching form and was overcome with emotion. There was no part of me that could look at her and reconcile the beauty in the visions – my mate – with this tiny, warm, mewling infant.

She could never be my mate, but I could be her protector.

The back of my fingers stroked her cheek and her eyes fluttered open to look up at me. She nuzzled against me while I held her gently in my arms. Realization struck me. The words I had written to her less than 24 hours ago came back to haunt me.

"_I am going to Forks and I pray to who I now believe to be a most benevolent God that I may look into your eyes and stroke your cheek as I take you in my arms by this time tomorrow."_

God had answered my prayer to the tiniest detail, for here she lay tucked safely in my arms while I looked into her eyes and stroked her cheek. No part of my prayer had gone unanswered.

What's more, my disappointed lamenting this afternoon at having missed so much had also been heeded. I hadn't missed anything. I could guide her, teach her, watch her, guard her every single day of her life.

Fathomless melancholy filled me, and I didn't know what to do next- until she began to cry.

"Shush, Angel." I bounced her gently in my arms. "Shhh, everything's okay. I'm here now, and I won't leave. It's okay."

The first notes of a lullaby swirled in my head and came out in a soft hum. She sighed softly and immediately went back to sleep.

"Jazz and I will return with your belongings in a few days. Do you want it all at the house?" Alice asked quietly, as she caressed the downy head of the babe in my arms.

"Yes, that's fine."

"I'll take care of the school details," Carlisle said.

Guilt tugged at me when I looked at him. "Tell Esme…tell her…I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about anything." He smiled kindly. "Could we all come for a visit soon? Esme and Rose especially would like to see her."

"I would like that. I will let you know when I figure things out and know it is safe." An ironic thought occurred to me then. "We found her, and I still don't know her name."

"Isabella Marie Swan. It's here in these papers." Jasper lifted the papers from the dresser he was leaning against and showed them to Carlisle.

"Her discharge papers. She's just two days old, released from the hospital today. Mother Renee, father Charlie." He recited to me.

"Isabella…Bella…beautiful…it fits her. She is now and she will become very beautiful." I cooed to her then, "Sweet, sweet Bella. My darling angel." She sighed contentedly again.

Their thoughts were cautious and quiet as they parted.

"We'll see you soon." Jasper waved, and they all leapt gracefully to the ground.

Standing in the window, I watched them go and wondered what exactly the next eighteen years of my life would be like.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next few weeks were surreal. I felt…creepy. Could life be any stranger than a vampire stalking an entire family in order to protect their baby girl? The whole situation was just…bizarre.

During that time, I learned a lot about her family. Her father, Charlie, was a hard-working police officer climbing the ranks of the Forks Police Department. He was a promising young officer and seemed to enjoy serving the people of Forks. He was dedicated to his job, but devoted to his family. I liked him immensely.

At first, I thought the man was a little simple-minded, but I soon found that the words that came out of his mouth were deeper and better thought out than his thoughts had led me to believe.

Realizing that his seemingly ambiguous thoughts belied a deeper thinking mind was a startling discovery. I spent a great deal of time observing him, trying to match his thoughts to his speech. This proved to be difficult as he was a man of few words. The mystery still intrigued me. I remembered the conversation I had with Carlisle about it.

"_It's the most interesting thing, Carlisle. It's like there are thoughts I can't hear. Words come out of his mouth all the time that I'm completely shocked to hear, because his thoughts did not form the words he spoke. _

"_I can hear the general tenor of his voice, but not the individual words. At first, I was afraid my ability was failing me somehow, but I can hear the thoughts of everyone else around him, so I'm convinced that he is the difference. Do you have any idea why this could be happening?" _I had asked him after only a week spent observing Charlie.

Carlisle mused, _"I wonder if his mind is somehow protected. It could be a latent ability. When I spent time with the Volturi, Aro told me that humans often displayed a glimmer of their future talent while they were still human._

"_As a result, Aro was always looking for humans with possible gifts to add to his guard. Alec and Jane, the twins, are some of the most powerful vampires I've ever seen. Aro noticed their abilities in dormant form and turned them himself hoping that they would turn out just exactly as they have. He was quite pleased. _

"_Charlie's mental quietness might turn into a real power to protect his mind from gifts such as yours if he was turned into a vampire." _

Carlisle and I discussed the possible ramifications of Charlie's semi-quiet mind at length in the weeks that followed that conversation.

Renee, Isabella's mother, on the other hand, was quite different. Though her words and actions seemed chaotic and unpredictable, her mind was razor sharp.

She had a keen insight and was able to discern the meaningless from the important in almost any situation with ease. It was as if the pandemonium she created didn't bother her, because she saw through it all so easily.

Charlie was frustrated with, what he saw as, her absent-minded approach to life, but I learned that her intellect was greater than he gave her credit for. I understood his aggravation with her habitual clutter around the house and conversational flitting from one topic to another. However, sinking into her psyche was fascinating for me. The bedlam she left in her wake sloughed off of her like the skin from a snake. What Charlie saw as chaos just fell away in the light of her incisive wit and didn't bother Renee at all.

Not surprisingly, these two very interesting human minds combined to create the creature Alice saw in her vision – a woman of kind heart, quick wit, good humor, and astuteness. Knowing Charlie and Renee made me eager for my Angel to grow into the woman she would become.

My days and nights took on a comfortable pattern. I hunted while Renee nursed Bella during the day. I set up a routine of patrol in daylight hours, sticking to the forest so that I could insure Bella and Renee's safety in the house and Charlie's as he was out and about in his cruiser working. Keeping Charlie safe in such a dangerous profession was important to me, because Bella needed her father and because I was becoming quite attached to him. Thankfully, Forks was not a place teeming with dangerous criminals.

I watched from the shadows when Renee took Bella to the store or to doctor's appointment. No part of their day went unguarded until Bella was safely ensconced in the house. Then, I left only to eat or to shower and change clothes at our family home on the outskirts of town.

Nighttime was my favorite time. At night, I was able to enter the house unseen. She slept in my arms every night, and I only lay her down and left quietly when she awoke hungry.

Renee would come and nurse her until she was once again ready to sleep. While she fed her, I retreated to the attic either through the ceiling entrance in the utility closet or the small attic window under the eaves of the roof. From there I was close and out of the weather.

Over time, it became apparent that Charlie and Renee had no use for the attic and never went up there. Slowly and cautiously, I began bringing some of my belongings to make myself a comfortable space: books, a few changes of clothes, my journal and a small keyboard with headphones, so I could play without being heard. The keyboard was woefully inadequate, but I was still able to work on composing the lullaby I sang to her every night. It didn't make up much but the items gave me something to do during times when the family was all together in the evenings and I needed to hide.

When Bella was about two months old, I felt comfortable enough with our routine to allow my family to come for a visit. They came during Thanksgiving break. My siblings were in college again, and Carlisle took a week's vacation from the hospital.

Excitement and trepidation filled me as I waited for them at our house. It felt like a lifetime had passed since I had been with them. I longed to see them again. I longed for conversation. Two months without speaking to anyone, except on the phone, was lonely.

I was nervous about being away from Bella and her parents at night. I sat on the swing on the front porch, watching the clouds gather in the evening light and waiting for the sound of their cars approaching.

Alice jumped out of Emmett's jeep before it had completely stopped. She leapt at me, and I caught her easily.

"It's nice to see you too, Alice." I chuckled as I spun her around.

The others joined us and greeted me with heartfelt hugs and salutations.

"Hello, dear." Esme said fondly into my ear as I lifted her up in a bear hug.

"Son," Carlisle smiled, as he shook my hand.

Jasper gave me a manly side hug and thought, "_Missed ya, Bubba_."

Emmett bestowed his own bear hug on me and worked on restraining himself from teasing me about Bella.

Even Rosalie gave me a hug and said, "It's good to see you again." I nodded at her and returned the embrace affectionately.

Since it was just ten in the evening, we retreated into the house and chatted for another couple of hours until it was late enough for them to visit my Angel.

Esme thought, "_Finally!" _whenI stood and asked them if they were ready to go_._

It felt so good to run through the forest with them again.

The thing that I missed most about being around my family was hunting together. It often became a game. We bonded during our hunting trips in the same way humans did around the dinner table.

Tonight was no different. Alice jumped on my back as I sped through the forest. Jasper led the chase after us, the rest joining him. We spoke to each other easily, teasing and taunting one another. At times like this we were our happiest, playful and joyful together.

"We should probably go in a few at a time. Charlie and Renee are sleeping, but if Bella starts to cry, it would be difficult for all of us to get out quickly and noiselessly.

"Carlisle, why don't you and Esme come first?" I asked them once we were standing in the forest behind Bella's house. They both nodded at me, and we leapt up easily one at a time into the large window of Bella's room.

Esme went directly to her and lifted her gently while she slept. "Oh, Edward! She's just…precious!

"Aren't you, sweetheart? You're such a sweet thing," Esme whispered to her softly.

The tone of her thoughts overflowed with motherly adoration. "_My sweet daughter,"_ she thought. In that moment, if her eyes had been capable, the tears would have flowed freely.

After a few moments, she passed my Angel to my father. He immediately went into doctor mode and gave her a thorough look over. He looked up at me when he finished.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" he asked with genuine concern.

"Strange, actually. I know who she is and who she will become. I've seen Alice's visions as clearly as she has, and, yet, I cannot merge them with the baby you hold. It's almost as if they are two different people.

"I feel the mating bond and longing for the Bella I see in Alice's head but the feeling doesn't carry over in the same way for Bella, the infant." I gestured toward her.

"For her," I stroked my angel's soft cheek, "I feel intensely protective, like a guardian for a princess in a tower. I love her as my charge, my ward. Even here in her room, holding her while she sleeps every night, I feel far away like I'm watching it all from above." My fingers made a pass through my hair. "I don't suppose that makes much sense."

"I understand what you're trying to say," Esme said, as she gave Bella a tender kiss on the top of her head.

Carlisle nodded in agreement. "We should give the others a turn," he said, handing the baby back to me.

Rose and Emmett were next. I could hear the anxiety in Rose's thoughts. This would be difficult for her, I was sure. Emmett, ever the bulwark behind all of Rosalie's false bravado, held her hand firmly, as she crossed tentatively from the window to where I stood beside the crib.

With obvious apprehension, Rose held out her hands tentatively and asked, "Can I…Would it be okay if I…held her?"

"Of course, Rose."

I handed Bella to her. Her thoughts stuttered, and her face contorted. I could hear her trying to form words to accurately relay her emotions. Sadness and hopelessness were swiftly overcoming her.

She retreated with Bella to the rocking chair and sat down, gently rocking her. In Rose's thoughts, I heard her begin to recall a lullaby from her human years. Emmett, obviously nervous for his wife, stood beside her with his hand on her shoulder while she sat and rocked, singing to my angel.

I let her have her moment of surrogate mothering, wanting her to bond with Bella. I also hoped that her time with Bella would, in a small way, help to fulfill the desire she had for her own child.

But the moment was not to last.

Faster than a human eye could register, I saw Rosalie grip the baby tightly. A growl began in her chest, and she bared her teeth at me. I was struck dumb with shock. With lightening speed, she poised herself in a half-crouch facing me.

This wasn't Rose-the woman that stood before me but one hundred percent Rose-the vampire. Horror struck me as I tried to figure out what was happening. The only thought in her head sounded the same as the vibrations in her throat. Emmett reacted quickly and grabbed both her shoulders from behind.

"Rose!" he hissed, as my instincts kicked in.

I found myself in my own crouch facing her- a snarl curling my lips and baring my teeth back at her, warning her not to threaten what was mine.

I could not recall a more dangerous moment in the history of our family.

Instantly, the four other vampires from outside appeared in the tiny nursery around us. Jasper attempted to calm us down. Esme went to Rose and whispered soft, comforting words into her ear. Alice took my arm and told me silently not to react. Carlisle watched cautiously, the theme of his thoughts was overriding concern for his family's cohesiveness.

"You CANNOT change her, Edward!" Rose seethed, hatred blazing at me like fire. "She will NOT be my sister!"

To say I was stunned would have been a gross understatement. I had not expected that reaction. Straitening my posture, I looked to Emmett, then Esme, then Alice.

Emmett's pain for his wife was evident on his face. Esme's face was full of pity for Rose. Alice's expression was one of remorse, as a vision of me biting Bella and changing her flashed through her mind.

"Rose… I…" I stuttered as I looked to Rose, then to Alice and back to Rose again.

Steeling myself, I told her, "Rosalie, I have no intention of changing her. I do not want to kill Bella…to sentence her to death, any more than you want me to."

"_But Edward…" _Alice's thoughts tried to interrupt me. I held up my hand to her without breaking eye contact with Rose.

Trying to coerce Alice's visions to change by strength of will and make myself to be something other than a liar, I said, "I love her and will protect her always, even from myself."

Esme gently took the baby from Rose's arms, as the sound in her chest altered itself from vicious to heartbreaking. Reluctantly, she released her hold and turned her face into Emmett's chest. He pulled her tightly to him.

I touched her back cautiously, knowing she would be angry if I pitied her. Viciously she wiped the non-existent tears in her eyes and turned to look at me squarely. Her face held no outward sign of the pleading that came from her inner voice.

"_If you love her, Edward, leave her be. Let her live! Do NOT do to her what Carlisle did to me. No matter what the consequences are…leave her alone…please!"_

As soon as she completed the thought, she took Emmett's hand and flew through the window into the night. Before they were out of my mind's range, I heard her wracking sobs and saw her face through Emmett's eyes. She was holding his face in her hands and showering it with kisses.

"_You can never leave me, Emm. You're all I have in the world. Only you make this existence bearable."_

"_I'm here, baby. I'll always be here." _He picked her up and cradled her like a child, taking off into the woods to soothe her aching heart. He would comfort her as only he could.

I flinched from her pain and was grateful when they were far enough away to be out of my mind. I didn't know what else could be done. I was steadfast in my desire not to change her, but Alice's visions were equally certain.

She would be turned…and I would be the one to do it.

Esme's gentle voice broke the awkward silence. "Let's go, Carlisle. She might need more company later." She handed Bella to Alice and brushed Jasper's arm to press some of her motherly calm into him, hoping to offset the pain he had suffered with Rosalie. They retreated out the window and disappeared into the night.

"You know what I see, Edward," Alice said, sitting in the rocker with the baby.

"Alice," I sighed in exasperation. "I know what you see, but the future isn't certain. It can be changed."

"Perhaps," she replied, gazing at the baby, but her thoughts betrayed her. She didn't believe this future was anything other than sure. "She's waking up."

We could hear her heart rate speed up some as she stretched in Alice's arms. Bella opened her eyes and gazed up at Alice.

"What is she thinking, Edward?" Alice asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know."

Jasper turned to me from where he was leaning his on elbow on her dresser. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"She's only a few months old, Jasper. It's not like she has coherent thoughts at this point."

He frowned. "But surely you can see things through her eyes? Detect her general voice?"

"Her voice? Jasper, she has no voice yet."

"I disagree. She has definite feelings for what is going on right now. I feel her curiosity, probably at seeing an unfamiliar face." He nodded toward Alice.

"Well, maybe that's all she has right now, just feelings. How cognizant could a two month old be?" I argued.

Alice rose from the chair and handed the baby to me. Bella gazed with wide eyes up into my face and returned my smile. "How does she feel now, Jazzy?" she asked.

"Happy. She definitely recognizes you. She knows your face. There is contentment there, as well," he replied. "Surely, she has some thoughts, even if only in visual images."

I frowned up at him. "No. I hear, I see, nothing from her."

"What do you think that means?" Alice asked, glancing between us.

Jasper shrugged while I couldn't do anything but continue to frown my confusion at them. It hadn't occurred to me that I should be able to hear anything from a baby so young.

I tried to remember having ever been around babies and what, if anything I'd heard from them. Babies weren't really company we typically kept so I couldn't remember having ever been around any in this existence, and if I had, I certainly had never paid enough attention to them to listen to their thoughts.

Alice interrupted my musings. "We'd better go. She'll probably be getting hungry soon, and we don't want to be here when Renee wakes up." She kissed my cheek and danced to the window with Jasper in tow.

As they leapt into the night following the rest of my family I looked down into the face of my smiling angel. Was I supposed to be able to hear her? Jasper had been right; I could usually see in others' minds whatever they were looking at. But I never saw Renee's or Charlie's faces or even my own through Bella's eyes. I didn't have enough experience to compare. This needed further investigation.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Twenty-seven toddlers, fourteen infants and sixteen newborns. That's how many children under two years of age that I stalked and purposefully listened to. I traveled from Forks to Port Angeles and from Seattle to Canada, going to malls, churches, grocery stores and three separate hospitals to listen to the minds of toddlers and babies.

I heard every one of their minds. From fuzzy images of caretakers to complex thoughts, each child from two years to minutes old held something in his or her mind for me to see.

Bella, on the other hand, was still completely blank to me.

"What do you think it means?" I asked Carlisle the night before he and the rest of the family were scheduled to leave as he, Jasper, Emmett and I sat together in the trees behind Bella's house.

The women were all in the nursery tonight mothering my Angel and talking quietly about baby clothes and growth rates. Bella had added a dimension to the family that I hadn't anticipated. It was good to see everyone bond with her so quickly.

Oddly enough, it was Rosalie who spent the most amount of time with me and Bella at night. I had seen in her thoughts that she and Emmett had been discussing taking a break from the world and living unseen at our home here to be closer to Bella as she grew.

Rose realized that this would probably be her last, best hope for motherhood. If she wanted that, I wouldn't deny her. Plus, it would be easier to guard the Swans with three of us here. It wouldn't be as lonely for me either.

Collecting his thoughts, Carlisle said, "I think it's Bella, not you. From what you told me about her parents' minds, I think they have combined to make a truly unique mind. Charlie's guarded mind and Rene's sharpness have somehow come together to create a latent ability in her that is so strong it is apparent in her human form. I think this is perhaps a clue to Alice's vision of her having a powerful gift. We might see more as she grows. What do you think, Jasper?"

As Jasper listened to Carlisle, he thought about all the newborns he'd dealt with and the variety of gifts he'd come across. He stroked his chin before he spoke. "Without a doubt, her silence is connected to whatever Alice saw. Though, I think it's far too early to have much of a clue as to how it will manifest when she is one of us."

"It isn't you, Edward, because you can still hear all of us, right?" Emmett asked, hanging upside down like a monkey from the limb of a tree.

"Correct," I answered.

"I wonder if you'll ever be able to hear her?" he asked.

The thought that I'd never be able to listen to her thoughts caused me pain. The one person in the world I wanted to know more intimately than anyone else was silent to me.

Rose and Emmett withdrew from college and moved into the house right before Christmas. We quickly settled into a comfortable routine. Emmett preferred to guard Charlie, liking the policing much more than the babysitting. Rose shadowed Renee during the day, living vicariously through her as a housewife. She seemed to enjoy overseeing the trips to the grocery store, the house work and Renee's care for her small family.

It was even a little humorous to watch Rosalie's aggravation when Renee did something that Rose would have done differently had it been her house. On several occasions, I caught her refolding Bella's clothes and rearranging her closet.

Occasionally, Rosalie would hide a new outfit in among the things Bella already owned. Renee would pick it up and think about the fact that she didn't know where it came from, but was flighty and chaotic enough in her day to day behavior to chalk it up to not remembering having purchased it. Rose knew it was dangerous to do this very often. Although we wanted to lavish gifts on Bella, Rose only added one new outfit per month.

We found other ways that satisfied our need to spoil her. We slipped money into the grocery money jar Charlie kept stocked for Renee in the cabinet above the refrigerator. If their car ever sounded as if it wasn't running perfectly, Rose tinkered with it during the early morning hours. Emmett created a foundation benefiting police departments. Through the foundation, he managed to buy the latest safety equipment for Forks P.D. and provide funding for salary increases for everyone on the force.

We also dropped change into the piggy bank that Renee kept in Bella's room to help save for her college fund. When the bank was full, Renee would empty it and put the money into Bella's savings account. This account was a nice gesture by her parents, but I also knew that it would never be needed since Bella would have access to our limitless funds.

We did as much as we could without revealing ourselves or raising questions. I had to stop Alice from creating a fictional Great Aunt Alice and Great Uncle Jasper for the purpose of sending cards with money and extravagant gifts at Christmas. That would definitely be too much for Charlie to overlook.

"You can spoil her soon enough, Alice." I told her one morning on the phone.

"But I have found the most adorable outfits! She NEEDS them, Edward!"

I chuckled at her enthusiasm. "I'm sure she doesn't, but feel free to buy one or two, and I'll see if Rose can sneak them into her closet."

I held the phone away from my ear as she squealed in delight. "Nothing to expensive, Alice," I warned. "If it's designer couture from Paris, Renee will know she didn't buy it."

Her pout could nearly be heard over the phone lines. "Alright," she sighed in resignation, "but it won't be the same when she's older. There is just something about all the pink frills and lace that is too hard to resist. I never knew shopping for a baby could be so much fun!"

"Perhaps, I should buy you a baby doll? Then you could play dress up with it all you want," I teased. It delighted me to no end that my family had fallen so completely in love with my Angel.

Even Emmett joined his wife in the nursery occasionally playing with Bella. His silly faces could get her to laugh faster than Rose or I, no matter how hard we tried.

In March, during spring break, my family visited again. Bella turned six months old.

Jasper, Alice and I lay on a large rock formation just north of the Canadian border watching the clouds float by. We had been silent for the better part of the day. Their thoughts were blissfully mundane as we hunted and sunned ourselves until Alice fancied that a cloud she saw passing overhead looked remarkable like the bouquet of flowers Bella carried in the vision of our wedding. She began to let her mind drift through all the visions she had experienced of our future together.

"Don't," I said softly.

She turned on her side resting her head on her palm to look at me. "Why not?"

Jasper answered for me, and I cringed at his words, closing my eyes to the truth of them.

"It hurts him too much."

"Why?" the question sounded as if it came from the mouth of a child, her wonder evident.

"How can I be so selfish as to take her life?"

She showed me more of the visions of our future – visions of us laughing, running, talking, embracing, making love…

It was at the last vision that I leapt up and away, "Enough! I can't…"

"It hurts," Jasper said simply.

"Sorry," I muttered to him. He shrugged and continued looking to the clouds, contemplating the one that reminded him of Stonewall Jackson.

"Why do you fight it so, Edward? She will be happy, ecstatically so, as will you. How can that be bad?"

Alice's perspective on our life was colored by her complete inability to remember humanity. I wanted to cling to her optimism, but found myself unable to escape the wretchedness of my existence.

"You don't understand, Alice. I want it so badly. I want her…so much I feel as if the very fabric of my soul is being ripped in two." I resumed my position on the rock seeing a brown-haired, golden eyed woman in the wispy white above me. "How do I reconcile what I hate with what I cherish?"

For a moment, I stared at the woman and watched her smile at me. Her hand came to her lips and blew me a kiss with a wink. She beckoned to me, and I almost reached out to her. Instead, I closed my eyes again and let myself entertain the dream of perfection that inhabited Alice's head. A letter began itself in my head…

_Keeper of my heart,_

_I want to brush kisses across your eyelids and twirl your hair around my fingers. I want to smell your scent on my pillow and taste your breath on my tongue. _

_My longing grows for you. It beats against my heart in waves as the ocean beats against the shore, demanding release. But, alas, I am held in check just as God has told the seas, "This far and no further." I can see you, hear you in the visions Alice shows me, but I am forbidden from touching, smelling, tasting._

_I long for you to fill all my senses, but you are dangled just out of reach like a choice fruit growing at the topmost branch of a tree. I sit in the shade of it waiting…waiting…waiting…always waiting for you to ripen and fall into my hands._

_When you are ready, dearest one, I will catch you._

I shoved the dream down away from me, beautiful though it was, and called it vile. I raged against its perfection and railed against it with damning words of impossibility.

"The anger doesn't suit," Jasper said. "I don't know what Alice seesm but I know what you feel when you see it. Why loathe what seems to be so destined?"

Alice's mind flitted quickly to a vision of me biting Bella but ended quickly as she began translating a Gregorian chant into Icelandic.

"Why can't I change it, Alice?" I flipped to my stomach and looked over to the top of her spiky hair before she mimicked me and I was looking into her eyes.

"I don't know. But…" she flipped through even more images of our blissfully happy life together. "Why would you want to?"

I didn't have an answer to that one. Suddenly the burning fire of thirst, the never ending boredom of eternity and the hundreds of other reasons I had seemed as ethereal as the hazy white that floated across the blue above us.

"I'm going to do it, aren't I?"

Words joined and separated in her mind to try and form an explanation until she settled on a simple, "Yes."

Elation at our future and overwhelming disgust at my selfishness battled back and forth until Jasper, mentally fatigued with the emotional whiplash I was giving him, rose and began the journey back.

Alice parted with, "_You don't have to be sorry, Edward. She won't be."_ And then she was gone.

For Bella's first birthday Renee settled on a cake in the shape of a giant, pink "1." Guests included several families from the Quileute reservation. I listened to the entire party from the attic and tried to glean any information from the Quileutes that might help us in discussing the treaty with them again.

I learned that Charlie's best friend, Billy Black, was the current chief when his wife, Sarah, was talking to Renee over cake and coffee.

"Billy loves the girls of course," Sarah said, "but he wants to try again. He insists the chief needs a son. I'm not sure how many times I'm willing to try, but I told him I would try at least one more time. It would be nice to have a boy, a little blue to balance the pink."

Sue and Harry Clearwater were there as well. Harry was an elder and apparently made great fish fry. Sue had recently given birth to a baby girl named Leah.

There were a few other families from Forks who had children who were the same age as Bella. The Newtons had a boy named Michael, and the Webbers, the pastor's family from Charlie and Renee's church, had a girl named Angela. Bella was amused at the children. She laughed and babbled at them the entire afternoon.

Unfortunately, I figured out too late that Rose had snuck in a gift without a tag on it that had some of Alice's latest finds that she was sure Bella needed. Renee puzzled over where the gift came from but thankfully got distracted by Rachael and Rebecca Black, who were helping themselves to a second helping of cake. As they weren't that much older than Bella the result was quite a disastrous mess all over the kitchen table and floor…and chairs… and refrigerator…thank God.

Bella was exhausted from her party and all the attention she'd gotten during the day. As I rocked her that night, she started babbling in her sleep.

"Eennjuul," she said, and I wished again that I could see into her mysterious mind.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Bella's first smile – at me.

Bella's first laugh out loud – at Emmett, of course.

Her first real word? "Angel."

She cut her first tooth sucking on the soothing coolness of Rosalie's little finger.

The first time she rolled over, sat up, took a step…We were there for all of it. There wasn't a 'first' that she had that we missed.

Watching her learn to walk was, by far, the most difficult for me. Or, to be more specific, watching her fall when she failed went against every instinct I had. Rosalie chided me in the beginning when we'd watch her try to toddle back and forth between us at night before we put her back to down to sleep.

"Edward! You can't catch her every time, or she'll never learn to do it on her own."

"What if she gets hurt, Rose?" I countered.

"Then she cries, you comfort her and she tries again. She won't be seriously hurt. We're right here." Rose rolled her eyes. _Men! What do you know about babies?_ she thought for my benefit alone.

Little did I realize that this would be an ongoing problem. Bella did not grow up to be the most graceful of children. Sometimes, there were more skinned knees and bruised elbows than I could take.

When Charlie bought her a bicycle with training wheels for her birthday, I thought the stupid thing was going to give me a heart attack, despite the fact that mine stopped long ago.

I realized how fraught with danger the world really was while watching Bella trying to navigate it. Her swing hanging from the tree branch in the back yard became a hangman's noose in my eyes. The bicycle was a precarious perch on which this tiny bird tried to balance.

Then Charlie built her a tree house. . . . I called it the death trap. It was large and covered to keep her dry from the rain. It was built well. I was impressed with his work. However, watching Bella climb the ladder everyday to sit and read her books made me a nervous wreck. Though, I must admit to liking the tree house, because it afforded me another place where I could interact with her.

Renee let Bella play outside in the afternoons if it wasn't raining too hard. Renee would open the back door, and Bella would come running out and climb the steps to where I waited for her in the little wooden structure. She carried her small satchel and emptied its contents in front of us. A snack, a juice box and whatever books she wanted me to read to her that day tumbled out.

Wrapping her in a blanket, I read to her for as long as she wanted. One of her favorite books was _The Giving Tree_.

"That tree is sad," she told me one day.

"Do you think so?" I asked surprised at her empathy.

"Yeah…the boy never gives anything back."

I looked at the picture of the man sitting on the stump at the end of the book. "Hmmm…I think maybe the tree is happy that it can give everything it has to the person it loves."

"The boy should give the tree something. _That_ would make the tree happy." She sipped on her juice box, considered the picture in front of us, then turned to me "Are you my giving tree?"

I looked into her sweet, baby face and, for the millionth time in her presence, felt my love for her wash over me. "I will give you everything I have, Bella," I said honestly, though she couldn't understand how much I meant it.

"When I'm big, I'm gonna be your giving tree." She nodded and sucked the last of the juice from her box.

"Bella?" Renee called to her from the back door.

"Time for you to go, Little Angel."

"Okay, Big Angel, see ya later." Her tiny arms wrapped around my neck after we packed her satchel back up.

As Bella grew, we worried when she began talking about us to her mother and father. Bella had always been a relatively quiet child. Like Charlie, she was silently thoughtful. She would occasionally mention us to her parents, but, fortunately, they thought we were her imaginary friends.

Renee, creative soul that she was, was thrilled to have passed on an artistic gene to her child. While I watched through her mind from the attic one day, I heard Bella tell her about a picture she had drawn of us.

"That's Big Angel there with the red hair. He doesn't really have red hair, but I don't have a crayon for the color of hair he has. And that's Emmy. He's really silly. And that's Rose – she beeeaaauuutiful! She says I'm pretty too," Bella added proudly.

"And who are these over here to the side?" Renee asked, pointing to a smaller cluster of figures drawn near a house in the corner.

"That's the rest of my family. They only come to visit sometimes. That one's Alice – she bounces a lot. And that's Jasper. They're married. This is Papa Carlisle. It took me a long time to learn to say his name right, but I can do it now. And that's Mama Esme – her name is easier. She gives good hugs."

Renee beamed with pride. "You are so creative, Bella! Where did you get their names?"

"They told them to me." She frowned at her mother.

"Of course they did, sweetheart!" Renee returned to her household tasks while Bella pulled her crayons from her bag and began adding details to her picture.

_We're treading on dangerous ground here,_ Rose thought staring out of the attic window from her perch on the sill. Emmett was out following Charlie's cruiser.

"I know," I sighed, looking up from my drawing of the scene in the kitchen below us.

_There's going to come a time when we can't go to her any more. _ Her words were filled with sadness. She was preparing herself as much as she was me.

"I know," I said, re-creating Bella's drawing exactly. I had a whole collection of pictures of us that she had drawn and given to me.

_I wonder how much time we have? I wonder if I can let her go? _Rose thought.

"Hopefully, that time won't come for a while yet. She's just started kindergarten."

_That_ _time _was forced upon us all too soon by Bella's well-meaning first grade teacher. Bella was six.

Bella's teacher had been thinking about calling Renee all day. "Hello?" Renee answered the phone. I listened through the teacher's thoughts as I sat in the trees watching Bella play on the playground behind the school, the merry-go-round torturing me with images of the damage Bella could do to herself on such a contraption.

"Yes, is this Mrs. Swan, Bella's mother?" Mrs. Hildebrand asked.

Worry was evident in Renee's reply, "Is she okay?"

"Yes, yes. Just fine. I'm Mrs. Hildebrand, Bella's teacher. I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure. Is she doing alright in class? She's not in trouble or anything, is she?"

"No. She's a very bright child, excellent reading skills. Far and away the most advanced in her class academically. My concern is her social skills. She doesn't really interact much with the other children. She seems very shy.

"She plays well with Angela Webber, but, beyond that, she prefers to sit and draw pictures of your family."

"Oh, that's not our family. She calls them that, but they're just her imaginary friends." Renee laughed.

The teacher's thoughts stuttered. "Imaginary? These people aren't real? None of them?"

"No, she made them up. She's very creative." There was pride in Renee's voice.

"But there is so much detail. You're sure she hasn't based these on real people?" Mrs. Hildebrand pressed.

"Yes, I'm sure. But she has lots of stories she's made up about them. I'm sure you heard some of them…"

"But that's not normal." The teacher cut Renee off._ All those stories aren't true? She's made all that up?_

"What? Why not?"

_Oops, _ she thought."Excuse me…I didn't mean to…What I mean to say is that this level of detail in an imaginary world is very unusual, and the depth and number of her fantasies is quite extensive. It's not good for a child her age to have this level of delusion."

Renee was getting mad, now. "Delusion? Are you saying my child is delusional? She's just creative, that's all. Where do you get off…"

_Crap! Back up, Margaret. Shit. _"No, no, no…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to use that word. That's not exactly what I meant…um…I…uh…Well, the truth is, in all my nearly twenty years of teaching, I've never seen a child with so detailed a fantasy world. I'm…uh…not sure if it's entirely…um…healthy for her. She needs to interact with her peers, which is really why I was calling in the first place. Just to see if you could encourage her to play more with others, maybe let her play with her friends outside of school?"

Renee's tone of voice told me she was fuming. "Sure, no problem. Bella has friends, she's just imaginative. She's artistic, like me."

"Yes, I'm sure your right. Of course, she is a delightful child. Very smart. Um…Well, I'd better go. The students will be back from recess very soon. It was nice to speak with you, Mrs. Swan. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Once we were home that evening, Renee's words descended like poison.

"Bella, baby, can you come talk to Mommy for a minute?" Renee sat on the couch and patted her lap. Bella hopped over and climbed onto her mother's knee, cookie in hand.

"Hi, Mommy." She kissed Renee's cheek.

"Hi, sweetheart. Bella, we need to talk about the pictures you've been drawing."

Bella's enthusiasm erupted. "I did a new one today. You wanna see? It's a picture of Emmy climbing a tree. He never falls." She started to scramble toward her backpack to retrieve her picture.

"No, no." Renee held her in place. "That's what I'm talking about. Bella, honey, you know Emmy's not real, right?" I could hear the anxiety in Renee's voice.

"Yes, he is, Mommy. He can climb trees real good." Bella didn't understand what Renee was trying to say.

"No, he's not, baby. None of them are real. Big Angel and Emmy and Rose and all the others-they're not real. They're just pretend…right?"

"No, Silly Mommy. Big Angel's real. He lives in the attic. He reads to me everyday, and he plays with me, and he's always there if I'm scared at night. He's real, Mommy." Bella ended with a smile, a nod and another huge bite of her cookie.

"Bella, he isn't. None of them are real. I didn't realize that you thought…um…hmm…I mean. Baby, they just aren't real, and you need to stop drawing pictures of them and talking about them, especially at school. You have to understand, they're just pretend."

Bella folded her tiny arms across her chest and pouted to her mother. "You're wrong, Mommy! They are real. He's my Angel, and he's real, and he loves me like the Giving Tree. And one day I'm gonna be his Giving Tree." Her tiny rant would have been adorable if it weren't so heart breaking.

"Bella, stop!" Renee yelled, then quieted herself with a deep breath. "No, now just stop. They aren't real, and you aren't to talk about them any more. I won't have people saying you're…cause you're not…you're just creative. But this has to stop, Bella. No more Angel. Do you hear me?"

"I won't draw pictures for you any more if you tell me I can't, but I know he's real. So there!" She stuck her tongue out at her mother and ran with her backpack up to her room, slamming the door, the last bite of cookie forgotten at her mother's feet. When I was sure Renee wasn't going to follow her upstairs I climbed through the window and lifted Bella gently from where she lay crying on her bed.

"Mommy says you're not real," she sobbed against me.

"Shhh, Little Angel," I murmured, stroking her hair. "Of course, I'm real. I'm right here, aren't I?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded snottily into my chest.

"Your Mommy's just worried about you. She doesn't understand, because she's never seen us." I tried to explain.

She looked up at me with teary eyes. "So, you can just let her see you, then she'll know."

"That would be an idea, wouldn't it? But that wouldn't be safe for me or Emmy or Rose or any of the others-or for you, sweetheart. I'm sorry that we have to be a secret." I took a deep breath and released it slowly.

"Do you think you can help me keep you safe? You're so big and strong. What a smart girl you are! You can keep all of us safe by not telling anyone, can't you?" It killed me to put so much pressure on her.

Squaring her shoulders proudly, she looked up into my eyes. "I can do it! I'm big!"

"I know you are, Precious. I need to tell you something else though. Are you big enough to hear something else very important?"

She was somber as she nodded assuredly at me.

My chest was ripping in two at the words I had to speak to her. "I'm not going to be able to spend time with you now. Emmy, Rose and I, and the others, need to step back for a while and let you grow up."

She was shaking her head at me furiously and tears began anew. "NO! NO! NO! Don't leave me! Stay! I want you to stay with me!" She gripped me firmly around the torso and dug herself further into my chest.

"Shh, shh, shh. Sweetheart, I swear I won't go anywhere. I promise. I will never be far away from you. I'll always be here for you." I rocked her and hummed her lullaby until she quieted down.

"Are you ready for me to finish?" I asked.

She shook her head against my chest, still not looking up at me. "I don't think I'm big enough for this part."

My eyes pricked at her words, and I held in the sob that wanted to escape me.

"It's okay. I have a special game that I want us to play. Would you like to play a game?"

She glanced suspiciously up at me and rightfully so. She was too smart for her own good sometimes.

"I will never leave you- I promise," I reassured her again. "But you're not going to be able to talk to me like we are now."

"Why?" she interrupted, lip trembling.

"It goes back to things being dangerous. If your Mommy or Daddy found out about me, it wouldn't be safe any more. Understand?" I searched her eyes to see if she really did understand anything I was telling her.

Who was I kidding? She was six. How could she understand something so complicated?

Sighing deeply, I decided that I'd give her just a little bit more. "The family is…we're not like you or Mommy or Daddy. We are strong and fast and …just…different, but there are things out there that could hurt you if any one knew that you found out about us.

"I can't let that happen, Angel. If anything ever happened to you. . . it would make me so sad…more sad than anything in the whole world. To protect you, I have to not be so close to you." Her tears were beginning again. I rushed to finish. "But I will still be near, always. Okay?"

She sniffed loudly.

"Which brings me to our little game. Are you ready to hear about it?" I smiled with happiness I didn't feel.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You're pretending."

I shook my head. How could she be so wise for her age?

"Well, the reason we have to have the game makes me sad, but having it will help make me happy. Here, I got you something." I reached for the book that I laid on the bedside table when I came in.

"This is for you," I said, handing her the little pink book.

"A new book! Read it to me!" She opened it up. "Where are the words?" She looked up at me questioning.

"This is a special kind of book. You put your own words in it. All the words you want to say. Everyday you can write in here anything you want to tell me, and I'll read it. That way, even if you can't see me, you can still talk to me."

"But how will I know you've read it if I never see you?"

"Tell you what," I said sitting her on the bed beside me and taking the book gently from her. "Do you promise to write to me everyday?"

"Yes," she held up her pinky, "pinky promise." I took her pinky and winked exaggeratedly, mirroring her motions.

"Good. When you write in it put it right here next to your bed." I put the book down. Then mimicked coming in through the window and taking the book, sitting in her rocker and reading while I spoke. "I'll come and read it every night while you sleep. You'll know I've read it because when I'm done I'll put it over here on your desk. That way you'll know if it's moved I've been here." I stood and moved to lay the journal on the new desk she'd gotten for her birthday. Her eyes held so much trepidation, and she chewed on her bottom lip, unsure.

Kneeling down in front of where she sat on the bed, I took her little hands in mine. "I swear I'll be here every single night while you sleep, just as I always have been." My fingers stroked her cheek.

"I love you, Big Angel!" She threw her arms around me, tears flowing down her little face.

"I love you more, Little Angel. I promise. I'll always be here." I hugged her back, knowing that this would be the last one we'd share for a long, long time.

Lower than her ears were capable of hearing, I whispered, "Look after my heart. I've left it with you."


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_Look, I can spell angel. ANGEL_

_I will write to you every day. _

_I had a good day at school today._

_Ms. Hildebrand moved me to the blue reedin group even tho I'm a fast reeder. She said it's cause I'm so smart I can reed to the kids who can't reed as good as me. The blue groep is for the slow reeders._

_I don't want to reed to Lauren. She's mean._

_I miss when you used to reed to me._

_Mike pulled my hair today. I hate him. He chases me when we play out side.. Yuk! Boys are gross! Not you._

_I played in my tree house today. It's not the same with you gone. I rolled up in the blanket and pretend you were reeding to me._

_I found some pretty flowers. I left them in the tree house. Wood you give them to Rose? I miss her._

_I miss you, Angel. I love you._

_Second grade is fun. Today was my first day. Did you know that? _

_My teacher is nice. Her name is Mrs. Groves. I still got Jessica in my class, but Angela is in the class with Mike and Ben. Lauren and Tyler and Eric are in the class down the hall. I'm glad Lauren isn't in my class._

_I have to do subtraction in math - with THREE numbers! _

_We got a new reading book. It has lots of stories in it. _

_We are going to have to write paragraphs this year. I told my teacher I write all the time, but don't worry I didn't tell her I write to you. _

_Are you safe? I miss Emmy and Rose. Can you tell them hi for me? And everybody else, too? I miss the family. It's hard to remember them sometimes. It's been so long since I saw them._

_I miss you, Angel. I love you._

_I drew a picture for you. It shows my classroom. My desk is the purple one. Ms. Knox lets Angela and me sit together since we don't ever talk in class. _

_My favorite part of third grade is the fish tank. It will be my turn to feed the fish next week. I'm line leader this week. I don't like being line leader. I want to feed the fish._

_I miss you, Angel. I love you._

_My mom is making me wear a stupid dress to my birthday party. I told her I didn't want the pink one with the lace. I'm nine years old tomorrow. I'm too big for stupid lace! I hate her!_

_I hate birthdays. Mom is going to make me open the presents in front of everybody. They'll sing at me. I hate that! _

_Mom made me invite Jessica and Lauren and even Mike. Now, he thinks I like him. Jessica got mad at me about it._

_I wish you could be there tomorrow. I'd rather have a party with you and the family. I bet I wouldn't have to wear a stupid, pink, frilly dress. _

_I miss you so much, Angel. I love you._

_I had to go to the emergency room yesterday. I fell off the porch and landed on my arm. They said I cracked the bones in my wrist. I have to wear a cast. I got green this time. Last time, I had red. You would have been proud of me. I only cried a little bit. _

_Daddy says it's a miracle I haven't had more broken bones as much as I fall. He says I'm making his hair grey. I think he's probably just old. He says he's only thirty. I told him that was old._

_Anyway, that's why my writing is so bad. It's hard to write with a cast on. I'm going to stop now, because my arm hurts._

_I miss you, Angel. I love you._

_Daddy got a promotion today. He's Deputy Chief of Police. Mom is really proud, so is dad, but you know how he is. He didn't say much about it. He took us out to eat in Port Angeles though, so I know he was really happy. _

_Will I ever see you again? I was trying to remember what you look like, but it's been five years. I can't remember your face. I tried to draw you. It isn't really very good, but I can kinda see you in it. I don't want you to worry though. I locked it in my desk drawer, so no one will ever see it. You're still safe, aren't you?_

_I miss you, Angel. I love you._

_I've decided that junior high sucks. We only have a few more months left of school, but then I have all next year before I can start high school._

_Maybe by then, I'll have my braces off. Lauren called me "brace-face" today, and everyone laughed. I couldn't do anything. I just ran to the bathroom and cried._

_I wanted you there with me so badly. Didn't you use to tell me I was beautiful? I think I remember that. Or maybe it was Rose. I don't know. I'm so confused. I can't remember. Maybe it was Rose who was beautiful. I remember she had blond hair, I think. Or was it is reddish? No, that was you right, Angel?_

_I miss you so much. I love you, Angel. Do you still love me?_

_We went to the Christmas party at Angela's church. Of course, everybody was there. Thank God mom didn't make me wear the shirt she picked out. I would have died! Mike tried to trap me under the mistletoe like five times. _

_I punched him in the gut the last time. I thought about how Rose would have been proud._

_One of the high school kids who was there got all her hair chopped off and died it black. When I first saw her, I thought about Alice. I really miss Alice. I wonder what she and Jasper are doing._

_Thanks for the new journal. I know it was you . . . .I mean it had to be, right? I didn't buy a journal and put it on my desk while I slept. Mom didn't do it, and Dad sure didn't. So who else is there? Just you, right? That means I'm not crazy, doesn't it?_

_But I feel crazy. What thirteen year old still writes letters to her imaginary friend? I keep thinking I dreamed you up but then . . . . Well, just thanks for journal, okay? _

_I miss you, Angel. I love you._

_We had freshmen orientation today. The counselors talked to us in the auditorium about our schedules and how to choose electives and stuff. They gave us lots of papers about which 'track' to choose. I'm going to be taking all A.P. classes. The others are just stupid. _

_I was thinking about taking a creative writing class. What do you think? Why do I even ask you questions? You never answer me. I just keep writing and writing to you in this stupid journal and . . . nothing!_

_Maybe, I'll take auto-shop instead._

_I miss you, Angel. If you were ever really there in the first place, I still love you._

_I'm so glad it's finally Summer. I can sleep late tomorrow and the next day and the next day! Dad upped my allowance when he got a raise with his promotion. He's Chief now._

_I'm going to save up for a cell phone. Mom says a fourteen year old doesn't need a cell phone, but all my friends have them. Do you have a cell phone? Would you call me if I got one? Maybe you would. I could get the kind that you buy the minutes so there are no bills. That way no one could see that you call me. Jessica's phone deletes the call history too, so you wouldn't have to worry about anyone finding out._

_Then, I could hear your voice again. I miss you singing to me. I dream about you humming my lullaby to me all the time. Does that mean you're really there? _

_My journal is always moved in the mornings, but it's been so long since I've seen you that sometimes I'm sure I'm crazy, that I made you and all the rest up and that, maybe, I'm getting up and moving my journal at night by myself._

_Am I crazy, Angel? Please tell me you're not a figment of my imagination._

_I miss you so, so much, Angel. I love you._

_Stupid, idiot, dumb-ass Mike! I never should have let him kiss me. How stupid am I? I just thought he was nice._

_I really believed him when he said he just wanted me to tutor him. Then, when he asked if he could kiss me, I just thought "what the hell". You know? Even Angela has had her first kiss. I mean, we're fifteen now. _

_I don't know what would have happened if someone hadn't knocked on the front door._

_I told him to stop more than once, but when he tried to grab my boob I thought I was going to have to punch him in the face._

_It was weird that no one was there. Mom showed up right afterward, but she definitely hadn't been the one who knocked._

_I told Mike-the-dumb-ass that he had to find someone else to tutor him. _

_I wish you had been there. _

_If you were real, I wouldn't have to go through all of this alone._

_I miss you, Angel. I love you. _

_I've been trying to remember you, Angel. It's been ten years since I started my journals. That means it's been ten years since I've seen you or talked to you._

_Ten years is such a long time._

_I can only remember bits and pieces._

_You were handsome, I think. I remember thinking about how strong and fast you were, but I guess that anybody would seem that way to a six year old. _

_You read to me all the time and played games with me before bedtime, and sang to me when I went to sleep. _

_I remember Rose and Emmy were there too, sometimes. It's harder to remember the rest of them. I've forgotten what they look like. You, too, I guess. The picture I drew a long time ago doesn't really look like much, except a child's rendition of someone she barely remembers, just like it is. _

_I remember you had crazy hair. I remember your eyes, a little. It seems like they were a funny color, but I can't remember, green maybe?_

_I keep thinking you were always cold, too. But that doesn't really make sense, does it?_

_Maybe I am crazy. _

_I must be, right? Why am I asking you? You'll never answer me. _

_Why am I even writing to you in this journal every night? If you were real, wouldn't I have seen you or something? I have to be sleepwalking. Who else could be moving my journal every night?_

_And if you're real, wouldn't you be old by now? I mean, you were grown back then, so if you were like twenty then, you'd be thirty now. That's just weird. This whole thing is weird. I must be insane! _

_I've got to get over this fixation I have with you. I'm pining for you like Marianne Dashwood did for Willoughby._

_Listen to me! I'm still writing as if you're there! There's no one there, Bella. There never was!_

_That's it. No more writing. I'm finished with this journal, and I'm finished with my imaginary angel in the attic._

_It's crazy! I'll be seventeen in a month! I'm practically an adult, and I'm still writing to a person who was probably never there in the first place!_

_How can I miss and love someone who never existed?_

Sitting in the rocker in her room, I closed the journal and pulled out my phone. It vibrated in my hand before I dialed.

"Hello, Alice." I breathed, knowing she could hear even the softest answer.

"We're already packing, Edward. It will take Carlisle a few weeks to resign from the hospital here and get a job at the one there, but he'll get it, of course. Everything will be moved in and settled by her birthday. Tell Rose and Emmett, 'kay?"

"Alright." I sighed.

"And, Edward? It's not going to be what you think, but it WILL be wonderful. You'll see. Kisses! Mwah!" The line went dead.

Replacing the phone in my pocket, I carefully put the journal on her desk and stood, watching her as she slept fitfully.

I had heaped insult upon injury to Bella, and, now, she had finally convinced herself that she was crazy and I was all in her mind.

Every night, I moved her journal from her bedside table to the desk to reassure her. When her journal was full, she found a new one with the old one the next morning. In the evening, I sat in her rocking chair and watched over her, singing her lullaby to her as she slept. When the morning came, she woke seconds after I had retreated to my place in the attic. In seventeen years, she'd never spent a single night alone.

I leaned down to kiss her tear-stained cheek. She had cried herself to sleep. She sighed a ragged breath and whispered, "Angel."

She called to me in her sleep almost every night. I always answered her the same way.

"I'm here, Bella." Taking a place on the floor by her bed, I stroked the hair from her face. Occasionally, I could get her to talk with me in her sleep when her conscious mind released its hold and the truth of my presence was allowed to seep into her unconsciousness.

Her breath shuddered from the effects of her crying. "Misssss you," she breathed.

"I know, Little Angel. But I'm right here. I never left."

"Yes…left me…love you." She shifted in the bed and curled onto my arm propped on the edge.

"I love you more than life itself, Bella. Not much longer, okay? I'm so close. Don't give up on me yet, please?"

"Come back?" Her breath tickled the hair on my arm.

"Yes. I'll be there for your birthday. Can you hang on just a little longer?"

"Miss so much." A tear leaked from her eye, and I caught it on my fingertip. I touched it with my tongue, then breathed across her face. She inhaled deeply and calmed into a deeper sleep.

"Soon, sweet girl. Soon."


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

With Bella safely ensconced at school, I went to our house to speak to Rose and Emmett. I met them in the living room where they were playing a video game that Emmett was currently loosing.

"Aww, baby, c'mon! Why you gotta be so brutal?" he whined.

I chuckled as Rose finished him off and the speakers made an ominous sound to accompany his demise.

"Suck it up, Emmett," I joked. "Take it like a man." I laughed at his pouting.

"Where've I heard that before?" Rose asked him with a raised eyebrow and visions of some of their wilder escapades flooding her mind.

"Mind reader in the room, Rose!" I winced, wishing for a scrub brush that would reach my brain through my ear canal.

"So, whatcha here for, Eddie boy? Isn't Bella at school?" Emmett asked, giving up on his game and turning to me from his arm chair.

I took the one mirroring him. "I received a call from Alice last night. We start school in a month, on Bella's birthday."

Rose's face darkened with a frown, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "When did _that_ become the plan?" There was definite venom in her voice.

"Actually, the time table was just determined last night. But hasn't it been the plan all along that we would move back here at some point?" I could hear her angry thoughts, but was confused about what exactly was upsetting her.

"Was it? Why do we have to do anything at all? Why do we have to insert ourselves into her life?" Rose asked.

I sat for a minute just looking at her before I answered. "Because I love her," I said simply.

She jumped up from where she'd been sitting on the floor and paced away from me. "Then leave her alone, Edward!"

"I can't, Rosalie. I don't have the strength to walk away from her again. She's old enough now to be able to keep our secret, to know us again. Her knowing about us would pose only a minimal risk." I looked down at my fingers entwined in my lap, praying that what I was saying was actually true.

"Minimal risk?!" her voice rose an octave. She laughed darkly at me. "Minimal risk, Edward? Really? You may be able to lie to yourself, but I'm not buying the bullshit you're selling. You know as well as I do that when we walk into that school and back into her life we significantly increase the risk-hers and ours."

"It doesn't have to be that way…" I started.

"Look at Alice's vision. It's the one thing that remains constant despite all of your protests. If she's finally given up on us coming back, then walk away now, and let her get over it! If this continues, then the chances increase exponentially that she will be one of us."

"You don't know that." I rose from my chair. "I don't have to turn her to love her for the rest of her life."

"The vision hasn't changed, Edward. If you stay on this path you know what happens!" She crossed her arms again and glared at me.

"We've been over this a thousand times, Rose!" I was getting mad now. "I have no intention of changing her, but I cannot leave her. She misses us terribly, even after all this time. I love her, and, because of that, I cannot be the source of so much pain to her. I will go to her and be a part of her life in whatever capacity she lets me," I protested.

"I can't be a party to this, Edward. I won't do it. I'm not enrolling in school, and I'm not inserting myself into her life." Her stubbornness permeated her body language as well as her words.

She stalked away from me and sat on the arm of Emmett's chair facing him. He placed his arm around her but otherwise stayed out of our argument. He knew better than to interfere when Rose got going.

"And when she meets the whole family, what then? How will we explain your absence to her? She remembers you. She misses you."

She rounded on me in fury. "I don't know, and I don't care! I will not sit back and watch you kill that innocent child!" she screeched and flung her arm vaguely in the direction of town as she stood and took a threatening step toward me.

I had to admit she was beautiful and terrible in her anger.

"She's not a child any more, Rose." I huffed pinching the bridge of my nose. _Why couldn't she see what Bella meant to me?_

"So that justifies you killing her? What? Just so you can get laid . . . because you finally got the 'hots' for someone?" Her voice dripped with disgust.

I stood my ground in the face of her wrath with a rage of my own building at every word from her mouth.

"Hots?! Rose, you, of all people, know as well as I do that's not what this is!" I was infuriated at her easy dismissal of my feelings for Bella when she knew more intimately of my relationship with Bella over the last seventeen years than anyone, having watched it first hand.

"Well, it's certainly not love, Edward!" she spat. "You don't kill someone you love!"

"Really, Rose?!" The house thundered with the volume of my voice. "Then how in the HELL do you justify what you did to Emmett?" I jabbed my arm out pointing at him.

She blanched and stepped back from me as if I'd slapped her.

I took a step towards her, my finger at her chest. "Despite the fact that I've told you I won't change her, you accuse me of endangering Bella, and, yet, you did to Emmett exactly what you're so afraid I'll do to her. Are you that much of a hypocrite?" My rage grew. I towered over her.

"You tell me to leave her alone, but you didn't leave Emmett alone, did you? Why? Because you love him. You loved him at first sight, and you had Carlisle change him because of that love. But still you want to deny me?

"You wish to deprive me of the very thing that makes your life bearable? You would prefer I suffer for all eternity in the very state of being that you cannot stand?

"I have a chance at only a single lifetime with my love, but you would rather I be alone in this world every minute of forever while I watch you share the burden of it with the one you love? Why am I not deserving of, at least, as much mercy as you bestow upon yourself?"

"I don't…I didn't…" she was shaking her head against the force of my words.

I stalked toward her, and she retreated more with every question, trying to block my words from her mind. My eyes blazed, boring into hers as I breached the wall of privacy I had heretofore kept sealed for her, like I did for all my family. "You didn't what? Which part do you wish to deny?

"You forget the depth of my abilities, Rosalie. You forget just exactly how deeply I see into your thoughts…how much I know."

Her eyes widened in fear. Ruthlessly, I continued.

"I know how you NEED Emmett. I know that he's the only thing that can bring you back from the edge of insanity. I know that you are desperate for him. I know how WEAK and destitute you are emotionally without him. I know how you would fall into an abyss of lunacy if he didn't keep the pain and loneliness at bay for you. I know you, Rose. I know… _everything_."

The calm menace in my voice chilled even my own heart as her mind flitted between scenes she thought only she and Emmett had been witness to - some of her most frail moments.

"Why would you sentence me to the very thing you cannot endure?" I felt the pleading come unbidden and reached down, taking her hand in mine. "Please, Rosalie. Can't you see that I need her the same way? That I cannot tolerate this life without her any more than you can stand up under the weight of it without Emmett. I'm begging you for mercy, Rose. Mercy!"

She withdrew her hand as I held her eyes locked in mine. She nodded minutely.

_I'll go… but that's it,_ she thought before she turned and flew through the back door.

Emmett stood and looked at me, battling between anger at me for verbally attacking his wife and gratefulness for allowing him a glimpse into feelings that she kept hidden, even from him. Finally, he jerked his head toward the direction she went and gave me a one shouldered shrug. I nodded and turned away as he ran after her, their steps retreating into the forest.

Alice's vision of my wedding danced in my head as I looked around the very room where it would take place. I looked at the stairs where Bella would one day descend in a beautiful white gown.

Defeat engulfed me.

My chin dropped to my chest, and my shoulders slumped with the heaviness of my words to Rosalie. I knew it now in my bones. I could no longer swallow the lies I'd tried to feed myself about preserving her humanity. If my relationship with Bella progressed as Alice saw it happening then I would change Bella, soon and eagerly.

Apparently, my own hypocracy knew no bounds.

Never in my eighty some-odd years in this life had I ever felt more like a seventeen year old than I did that day. I stood in front of my full length mirror in my closet with discarded clothes covering the floor around my feet, dressed in yet another pair of jeans and shirt that I was sure I wouldn't be wearing.

_Are you ready to admit you want my help yet?_ Alice's thoughts floated up the stairs at me.

I sighed in defeat and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Yes," I huffed, making my transformation back into pubescence complete with an adolescent attitude.

"Please, not Britany Spears, Alice. I can't handle it. Not today." I begged as she skipped into my closet, passed me and then went out again, shoving a shirt and shoes into my hands.

"Lose the belt, and leave the shirt untucked." She kissed me on the cheek and hopped down the stairs happily.

"No Miley Cyrus, either!" I hollered after her. She'd been keeping something from me since she and the rest of the family had moved into the house a week ago. So far, I'd listened to her translate most of Shakespeare's works into Portugese and _Les Miserables_ and _Madam Butterfly _in their entirety_._ She was currently working her way through what sounded like a top-100 list for 12 year old girls.

Insanity was quickly approaching, and Jasper's attempts to keep me calm were failing miserably.

I'd had to spend more time than I wanted helping the family move in furniture and arrange things. The process was lightening fast compared to humans, of course, but I'd become obsessive about setting up my suite, which encompassed the entire third floor.

Esme bought a complete bedroom set for me, something I'd never owned. The bed was a massive, black, wrought-iron, king-sized monstrosity that tortured me every time I looked at it.

I'd spent the last seventeen years watching the woman I saw in Alice's first vision be formed before my very eyes. My feelings for her grew and transformed as she did.

The filial love I felt for her during most of that time had recently shifted and became one full of the longing and passion I had for the woman I saw walking down the aisle toward me. Now, on her seventeenth birthday, she was beautiful, stunning, ravishing, and there was nothing filial about the way I felt about her.

Far away from the prying concern of my family, I let myself revisit the snippets of visions Alice had shown me regarding my future physical relationship with Bella. Those visions included the bed that currently resided in my bedroom. Now that this physical manifestation of those visions actually sat in my room against the glass wall covering the back of the house, I was tortured into a frenzy of anxiety just looking at it.

I stood staring at myself in the mirror, just a few hours away from meeting Bella face to face in the blinding light of honesty. I was leaving the shadows to stand in the light of her open eyes and letting her see me, risking all the possible consequences that could come with that.

From first through fourth periods, my knees bounced under my desk. I crushed pencils into splinters and didn't hear a single word spoken. I did, however, watch every second of Bella's day through the eyes of her friends since her mind had not become any more open to me with time.

My method of watching her wasn't different from any of the previous days of Bella's schooling, except I was sitting among her friends now and not in hiding.

From the moment we arrived in the parking lot, news of our presence buzzed all over school. Whispers about our attractiveness and torrid gossip about my siblings' relationships were breathed behind cupped hands into eager ears.

Of course, Bella was aware of our impending attendance. Charlie had told her over a week ago.

"_Looks like you're going to have some new students in your school, Bells. A young doctor and his wife just moved to town with their five adopted children – all teenagers. I'm going to have to keep my eye on them. Five troubled teens can make a whirlwind of trouble," he said, mostly into his eggs as he sat eating the breakfast Bella made._

"_What are their names?" she asked, and I held my breath._

"_Cullen," Charlie said simply without adding more._

Angela was the first to break the news of our arrival to Bella during second period. Alice had been in Angela's first period geometry class.

"I met one of them. She's really nice. She's short and has black spiky hair. Her name is Alice."

I watched Bella's face carefully through Angela's mind as she absorbed this information. Bella knew everyone of my family's names-everyone except mine. I had intentionally let her call me "Angel" her whole life. I wanted her to be an adult the first time she said my name. I wanted to hear it from the Bella I knew in Alice's visions, not the baby I had held in my arms.

Bella's nose scrunched slightly, and her forehead furrowed, but she made no other sign of recognition.

More news of us came by way of an overheard conversation. Bella stood at her locker before fourth period, only half listening to the discussion taking place nearby between Jessica and Lauren, who were speaking a little too loudly for it to be an accident that others could hear every word.

"Apparently, they're all together…like _with_ each other…except the youngest one. He's a junior and OH. MY. GOD. is he hot!" Lauren gushed.

"You saw him?"

"Yes! And he was totally checking out the girls' . . . .you know?" Lauren lifted and squeezed her practically nonexistent breasts at Jessica, who cackled in reply.

Later, Bella heard Tyler and Eric talking as she sat down the table from them during lunch.

"You should see the guy! He's positively massive! I asked if he was gonna join the team. He'd make a great lineman!" Eric spoke around the food in his mouth.

"What'd he say?"

"Said he might."

"What's his name?"

"Ethan…no-no, Emmett…that's right."

"Angela . . ." Bella began, then stopped. Her friend turned to her and raised her eyebrows at Bella when she didn't continue. "Oh…nothing, just…nothing. Never mind." She shook her head.

_Was she connecting her "Emmy" with Emmett?_ I had no way of knowing.

My family surrounded me, their thoughts all nervous, yet supportive, with the possible exception of Rose. They were all as eager to see Bella as I was. They had all missed her very much in the last eleven years.

I had put off the inevitable long enough. I was going to have to walk in there and take whatever consequences came my way. Alice was still blocking me out, but assured me that things would be okay eventually. That statement both scared and reassured me.

"Okay," I said, nodding to them. "Let's go." They went ahead of me on the way to the cafeteria.

Emmett and Rosalie walked in first. Rose was born for this kind of attention. She would take the brunt of it as she led our miniature parade into the thick of curious glances and inquisitive eyes. She owned the room as much as any supermodel strutting a Paris runway, secure in herself , hand-in-hand with Emmett.

Alice and Jasper went next. They continued to distract the student population, beautiful in their opposition – petite, dark, and happily hyper next to tall, blond, and pained. It still caused Jasper a great deal of discomfort to be so close to so many humans.

I was going in last, hoping that no one would pay any attention to me at the end of our strange immortal train.

Almost instantly, the voices, audible and otherwise, were drowned out by the buzz in my mind. The repeat button in my head was stuck. As my siblings and I walked to the cafeteria, my mind would not be distracted from this one overriding thought: _Would she know it was me?_

I watched Bella's face through the minds of those sitting near her and fought the incredible urge to turn and look directly at her. With each entrance, the whispers reached her ears.

"That's Rosalie and Emmett."

"Lucky son of a bitch."

"I think his name is Jasper."

"Look at him! Yum-my!"

"Alice is cute, too bad she's taken."

"That's him…there he is! O-m-g, he's gorgeous!"

"What's his name?"

"Edward."

"Well, hellllooo, Edward."

Bella's face changed from curiosity to confusion with each name that landed upon her ear. She turned and watched us as we followed Rose to an empty table in the back of the cafeteria.

As we sat down, I whispered, "Alice? Now what?"

She shook her head at me and returned someone's wave. "Just do what comes naturally to you, Edward."

"Great! So you'd have me bite them all and suck them dry? Sorry, Jazz," I added when he groaned. "What the hell does that mean, Alice?" I hissed.

"It means I'm not going to tell you. You have to react on your own." She picked at her sandwich pretending to chew.

"Really, Alice?! Really! The single most important moment in my life, and you're going to let me flounder around? What the fuck, Alice?" I was incensed and struggled not to dent the table where my hands rested.

Alice was unaffected. "What you do is what you're supposed to do. My telling you what it is won't change that. What I'm trying to say is that you will make the right choice – we all will - so relax. It's okay." She gave me a small smile, meant to be reassuring.

"Well, shit!" I muttered. Apparently the adolescence of my morning had carried over to lunch time.

I turned my full attention back to Bella. She leaned over to Jessica and Lauren who were still discussing my family.

"What did you say their names were?"

Jessica was delighted to be plied for information. She pointed to each of us surreptitiously as she spoke. "The really gorgeous one is Rosalie. She's with the big guy, Emmett. That's Alice. She's with the one who looks like he's in pain-Jasper. They're all adopted, I heard, but Rosalie and Jasper are really brother and sister- twins, I think. _But_ they all live together . . . in the same house, and they're all _'together'_ together. I wonder if they're all . . . you know . . . . I bet they have a regular orgy going on in that house!" Jessica cackled again and began speculating about how exactly that worked.

Bella repeated the names back to herself under her breath. "Alice and Jasper? Rosalie and…Emmett? Edward?" She looked puzzled as she tried to reconcile this information in her mind. "It can't possibly . . . I mean, surely not . . . . No,it couldn't be It's just a coincidence…a really huge, completely bizarre, but totally real coincidence. Besides- 'Edward'? No, it can't be."

"You okay, Bella?" Angela asked.

"What? Huh?" She looked around wildly. "Oh. . . sure. No problem. None at all. I better go. I, uh . . . need to talk to Banner about . . . my . . . uh…homework. See ya." She said the last quickly, grabbing her back pack and dumping her half eaten food in the trash can.

Then she left.

And I . . . well, I did nothing.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

My siblings just starred at me.

_After all this, you're gonna just sit there? _Rose thought as she starred at me through narrowed eyes. _Chicken shit!_

I glared at her, but the truth of the matter was that I was being a chicken shit.

_Damn it._

"So…uh…what's the plan, there, Romeo?" Emmett asked with a smirk and pointed with a celery stalk at Bella walking out of the cafeteria door.

Rubbing my palms over my face, I replied, "I haven't the foggiest clue."

Jerking his thumb at me, he turned to Jasper he said, "Real Casanova, that one."

"Give him a break, Em. What do you want him to do? Profess his undying love over meatball surprise?" Jasper gestured to the disgusting pile of god-knows-what on the sytrofoam tray in front of him. "Real romantic." He rolled his eyes.

The bell for fourth period saved me from any more of my family's torture. I made my way to Biology, the only class I had with Bella, already prepared for what I would find there. The only empty seat in the classroom was beside Bella at her lab table.

Searching the students' minds as I went, I looked to see where Bella had gone. I made it all the way to the seat in Mr. Banner's classroom before I saw her, through others' eyes, making her way towards the classroom door.

Head down, hair covering her face like curtains blocking the morning sun, she came in the classroom and made her way to what was now _our_ table without seeing me.

She dropped her backpack beside the stool and placed her notebook on the table. Her head turned slightly in my direction as she sat and I could tell the instant she caught sight of my hand as it lay on the table. Her head snapped up, eyes locking on mine.

I'd never wished to hear her thoughts more than I did in that moment.

Taking a chance, I said, "Hello, Bella."

Her mouth opened and closed several times like a fish gasping for air, her eyes wide as they could go.

She sat on the stool beside me first for thirty, then sixty, then ninety seconds without change so I tried again. "How are you?"

Without responding she grabbed her bag and notebook and ran from the room.

I froze, looking at the doorway, stupefied.

_Now what?_

I shook my head, grabbed my notebook and walked past Mr. Banner's desk toward the door, mumbling about using the bathroom just before the tardy bell rang.

Unfortunately, I had to maintain a human speed as I followed her scent. Out the door…down the hall…out the exit…into open air . . . .

I stopped and sniffed, fighting against the breeze blowing the wrong direction. I turned my head toward the scent that was as familiar to me as my own and saw her disappear into her truck. It thundered to life.

I watched as she jerked the gearshift to reverse and backed out of her parking place. Then, tires squealing and engine screaming in protest, she screeched out of the parking lot.

I threw my own stuff into my car and left the keys in the seat for my family. Disappearing into the trees, I ran quickly toward where I knew she would go. Home.

I sat in the tree outside her window, camouflaged by the greenery, and listened to her tearing her room apart and muttering to herself again. "I'm insane-completely nuts. It's just not possible. Where are my drawings?"

She flew around the room and dumped the objects she searched for on her bed as she found them. First, all of her journals, then a large folder of childhood drawings fell to the bed.

She pulled a decorated shoebox from the top shelf of her closet and placed it on the bed as well. I was mystified. I'd seen the box before on the shelf, but had never paid any attention to it, not knowing what significance it would have in this moment.

The suspense was building inside me.

Finally, she ripped a large drawer from her desk and dumped its contents onto the floor before lifting up the colored drawer liner paper in the bottom. Underneath was her drawing of me that she'd made so long ago.

The drawer itself landed on her desk with a clatter as she fell to her knees in the midst of the mess. Her back was turned to me, and I watched the rise and fall of her shoulders as her breath heaved from her exertion.

It seemed as though eons passed as I waited for her next move.

The paper crumpled on the edges as she gripped it in her hand. She turned in her spot and floundered around as she crawled and fell and tripped to her bed. I was reminded of a drowning person reaching for any solid ground to put beneath them.

The items she had flung there greeted her. She sat at the foot of the bed and grabbed the little pink journal, the one I had given her first. Frantically, she thumbed through the pages. I had no idea what she was looking for. Evidence of our existence was my best guess.

When she reached the last page, she threw the book across the room where it landed on the floor, its usefulness outlived. She took the next one, and then the next one repeating the same ritual until nearly all laid in a heap on the floor.

When she'd, apparently, failed to find what she sought, she growled in frustration and reached for the box, the drawing still clutched in her hand. I held my breath as she opened the box, anxious to see what secrets it contained.

When she lifted out a bottle cap I was perplexed, confused by a dried flower, bewildered by a folded piece of paper, baffled by a small sandwich bag looking to containing what looked like a swatch of fabric. But when she removed a tattered and worn book, I understood.

These were her treasures- the evidence of our time together. As she spread the items on the quilt before her, the memories associated with each flooded me.

She held up the bottle cap and tried to spin it on the back of one of the journals still left on her bed. The cap was from a lemonade bottle Renee sent with her to the treehouse instead of her usual juice box. I remembered when she pulled it from her bag. She struggled and struggled trying to twist the cap from the bottle, proclaiming that she wanted to do it herself. I smiled at her stubbornness. Finally, nearly in tears, she thrust it at me and asked with a pout, "Help me, please?"

As she drank the lemonade, I delighted her by setting the cap to spin on the floorboards. She laughed in glee as I spun it faster and faster. I never knew that she had kept it.

She picked it up again, looked at it closely, then placed it in the box as gently as if it were made of glass.

Next, she lifted the folded piece of paper and opened it. Smoothing out its wrinkles on the bed first, she picked it up again to look at. It was from one of our many coloring sessions at night when she should have been sleeping. I was overindulgent, never able to deny her anything. When she'd asked me to color with her I acquiesced and drew a small likeness of her in a princess dress and fairy wings, inscribing "Little Angel" above it.

Her fingers brushed over the small drawing in the corner, ignoring her larger childish scribbles below it.

Next she examined the dried flower, a small yellow flower that she'd presented to me one day while we were playing just inside the tree line behind her house. She picked it and told me it was for me, but I'd placed it in her hair and declared her perfectly attired for the tea party she was creating on a nearby log.

The sandwich bag was next. Delicately, she opened the bag only the smallest amount and stuck her nose into the opening. She inhaled deeply, then quickly sealed the bag again. She turned the bag over and traced the embroidered "E" on the corner. There were drops of her blood on the handkerchief where I'd held it to her scraped and bleeding palm. I was stunned that I'd been so careless – leaving behind such solid evidence of my existence. Renee or Charlie could have easily found it.

At the time, I'd been doused with guilt at letting her fall to keep myself from exposure. I couldn't race to save her, because the neighbors' curtains were open. Crying, she'd run immediately into the trees where she knew I was always waiting for her.

I'd comforted her and wrapped her hand in my handkerchief. I rocked her gently while the tears ebbed and told her over and over again how sorry I was, until, finally, she was comforting me with her small arms around my neck and a kiss to the cheek.

I had been too distracted with my self-loathing to realize she'd pocketed the handkerchief in favor of hugging me. It never occurred to me later that it was missing. I'd not seen it in her room or in Renee's memories, so she must have hidden it away secretly before her mother could find it.

She placed it back in the box like a priceless jewel. When she lifted the book and opened it, I couldn't take anymore. I crept out on the branch closest to her window to watch her mouth move as she read it to herself.

My own lips recited from memory the words of "The Giving Tree" in chorus with hers. She wiped away tears from her alabaster cheek as she read.

Softly she read aloud the words that shattered my self-control. "Come boy, sit down and be happy."

And, with those words, I could resist no longer. Noiselessly, I lifted the window and sat on the ledge, listening to the harmony of her breaths and heartbeat, punctuated occasionally with a soft sigh.

"Bella," I called as gently as I could, trying unsuccessfully not to scare her.

She stifled a scream into her hand and jumped back almost falling off the bed. I caught her and the book that fell from her hands, clutching both to my chest.

She gasped softly at the contact as she looked up into my eyes. My own breathing stopped mid-breath, caught in my throat at her beauty.

"Bella." Her name fell from my lips like a prayer, a supplication to God in thanksgiving for all the word encompassed.

Her mouth parted with words she couldn't seem to find. Her eyes were wide. I tried to keep my face as calm as I possibly could, not wanting to frighten her.

Eventually, she said, "It _is_ you."

It wasn't a question, but I nodded anyway.

"Your voice . . . I wasn't sure when I saw you . . . .I didn't really remember . . ." she said, looking sheepishly at the drawing still clutched in her hand. "It's really quite terrible."

Her gaze returned to me, as she continued, "But your voice. I'd know that sound anywhere, no matter how much time had passed." She paused, biting her lip and wrinkling her brow. "How could I remember that one detail so clearly when everything else has become so foggy?"

Her eyes pleaded with me for answers. I wanted to stand there holding her for all eternity, but I knew that she would need physical space as I answered her questions, knowing there were more to come.

Slowly, making certain that she was steady on her feet, I let her go and stepped back from her, placing the book in her hands again. Her brow furrowed deeply, and her bottom lip jutted out.

Dropping the book on the bed, her hand flicked out and caught the hem of my shirt before I was a foot away from her. I stopped and let her hold me captive.

I swallowed hard, gulping down the fear that was overtaking me and answered, "Because you hear it every night. You've heard my voice every night of your life for seventeen years."

She shook her head in disbelief. "How?" she asked simply.

"I sing to you…or talk." I tried to stifle an impertinent grin. "Sometimes I listen when you talk back."

"What do I say?" she asked, shocked.

A frown creased my face as I answered, "You tell me that you miss me…that you are sad that I left you. And every night I reassure you that I'm still here, that I never really left."

Her hand dropped from my shirt, and she turned to the window and began pacing the room.

"But how? How is this possible?" She held up the drawing that resembled me only slightly. "You're the same, EXACTLY the same."

She paused staring at me, and I endeavored to keep my expression as open as possible.

"How old are you?" she demanded. I was surprised by her question, but she looked at me as if she was expecting an answer.

For the tiniest sliver of milliseconds, I debated lying to her, but, then, wasn't that the point of my being here – to come out of hiding, all of me, into the light? So, I said, "Seventeen."

Her eyes narrowed for a moment. "How long have you been seventeen?"

Her mind was as sharp as a knife, reminding me of Renee. "A while," I confessed.

She stood looking at me, emotions flashing across her face almost faster than I could see them, until, suddenly, she flew at me, her hands balled into tiny fists. She banged them on my chest until I was forced to subdue her gently, lest she break her hands on my marble flesh. I cradled her to me protectively until she pushed against me. I released her at once, and she backed several paces away.

"You…You left me," she accused, her face a mask of pain.

"I didn't, not really. Your whole life, I've never been away from you for a single day." I took a tentative step toward her, waiting to see if she would let me in…into her world, into her life, even just into her space.

"I've watched you your whole life, Bella. Haven't I always read what you wrote to me in your journal? Was there a single morning that I didn't move it?"

I gave her time to absorb my words, really wanting her to think and answer the questions I knew she had.

Slowly, she shook her head side to side so slightly that it would have been imperceptible to a human.

"Do you remember when you fell out of the tree next to your tree house when you were nine? You remember how you fell, but then landed on the ground so softly that it was as if you merely rolled over in your bed?"

Her eyes opened wide, guessing at my next words, I was certain.

"I caught you, Bella. Your eyes were tightly shut against the impact, but I caught you and laid you on the ground before you could hurt yourself. I was there for you then. I've been there for you always. I never left."

"But…" she started.

"What about Mike? Your first kiss? Who do you think knocked on that door and interrupted his assault on you?"

She gasped and pointed at me. "That was you? But you…he…and you…"

"I couldn't let him hurt you, Bella. I would have revealed myself if the situation had escalated beyond a stupid boy's floundering attempts at seduction. But the second you said 'no' he was going no further, because I never would have let him. I was there for you then.

"I've been there for every moment. I've watched over you and protected you . . . and, in my own way, I've done all I could do to care for you. Even just a month ago, after your last journal entry," I explained, picking up the latest one from the pile beside me and opened it to the offending page. I held it out to her. "When you cried yourself to sleep, finally giving up on me after all these years, I brushed away the tears as you slept. I hummed your lullaby until your breathing evened and you sank into a restful sleep."

I took a small step in her direction, putting me on the edge of her personal space, so I spoke more softly. "That's why you remember my voice. In seventeen years, you've never spent a single night alone. I have always been here with you, Bella. I always will be…until you order me away."

Tears glistened, slowly filling her eyes, before they finally spilled out between her lashes and rolled down her cheeks.

I took another cautious step forward, until I was just inches from her. Timidly, I lifted my hand and brushed the tears from under one eye. Her gaze never left my face.

We stood there before each other for lifetimes, ages, centuries, just taking in one another: Bella, seeing her supposed delusion made flesh and I, all my hopes and fears, standing here embodied in this one beautiful, young woman.

I reveled in being able just to look in her open eyes.

_What a marvel she is!_

Dropping the picture to the floor forgotten, her hands came up, and she laid her palms on my cheeks. "It really is you," she said. Her fingers brushed up the sides of my face, across my forehead, meeting in the middle. They slid down over my eyebrows and the lids of my now closed eyes.

I breathed deeply, drinking in the scent of her hands, pencil lead, hand lotion and unmistakably Bella. The overwhelming bouquet of her blood sung great overtures to me as the first finger of each hand passed over my nostrils on their way to my lips. I held still, as only a vampire could, as she traced my slightly parted lips.

"You're more beautiful than I remember," she whispered.

When one finger dipped to touch the tip of my teeth my hand flew to gently, but quickly, stop her.

"No, Bella. That's too dangerous," I warned.

Her eyes met mine. "I remember." When I didn't release her wrist, she spoke again. "I'm not afraid."

I let my hand fall slowly back to my side. Her fingertips continued their journey down my chin, then up the sides of my jaw and into my hair.

She smiled, and I couldn't help but return it. "I never had the right crayon to capture the color of your hair."

She laughed lightly, and I joined her. "I remember."

"It's really you, isn't it?" she asked timidly.

"Yes, Bella. It's me."

Her arms went around my neck, and she laid her cheek against my chest. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "Yes, it is." The sentence wasn't spoken to me.

I lifted my arms to hug her gently.

"I've missed you so much, Angel." I felt her tears seep through my t-shirt.

"Don't call me that, sweetheart. I don't deserve it." She moved her chin to rest on my chest and looked up at me with wide questioning eyes. "It killed me to hurt you like that, but I had to- for your own good. I had to protect you. You'd never have a normal life with me and the family around."

She released me and stepped back, moving to sit on her bed.

"The others. That's them: Rose and Emmy, Jasper and Alice? Where are Papa Carlisle and Mama Esme?"

"Yes, that's them. Carlisle is a doctor at the hospital here now, and Esme stays at home. We can go and see them any time you'd like.

She bit her lip. "Do they remember me? It's been a long time."

Sitting again on the window ledge, I laughed at her comment though she'd have no idea why. "For you maybe, but yes, they most definitely remember you, and they very much want to see you again."

Nodding, she sat silently for a long time looking at me. I met her gaze and devoured the sight of her like a starving man.

When she finally spoke, she asked a question that I wasn't sure I had an answer for. "Why me? I mean, none of my friends have real life imaginary friends…at least, I'm pretty sure they don't. Why me?" Her eyes held so many questions.

I leaned against the window frame beside me and considered my words. "I'm not sure. I suppose any of us could ask that same question." I was silent for a little longer while she just watched me. "There is so much that I can tell you now, but I think it might be better if we take this slowly, alright?"

She nodded and looked past me into the trees. "That's probably a good idea. I have so many questions- I don't know where to start."

"You can ask me anything you want to, Bella. I'll answer as much as I can." She didn't at first, and I was able to just sit and watch her, resting my arm on my knee.

I leaned my head back and watched the sunlight filter through the branches outside. The sun fell for a moment on the skin of my hand, and I compared it to the pale peaches and cream of her face. Diamonds and silk. Marble and glass. So different.

She blushed under my gaze. "I don't really know you at all, do I?" she asked.

I thought about her question. "No, I guess not."

"You know everything about me though, huh?" She blushed deeper at that thought.

"I know a lot _about_ you, but I'd like to get to know _you_," I answered.

"What am I to you?" Her honest, trusting eyes gazed at me unassumingly.

_You are my life_, I thought, but said truthfully, "I'd like to be your friend."

Her answering smile was soft and sweet. "I'd like that, I think."

After a time I said, "You're very quiet," wishing again that I could hear her thoughts. "Can you tell me what you're thinking?"

She looked at me nervously and took her bottom lip between her teeth again. "Honestly? I'm freaking out just a little."

I chuckled, "I'm not surprised, but what about, specifically?" I wanted to address what troubled her.

"Actually, the fact that I'm not really freaked out about this."

"You're not?" Her answer surprised me.

Shaking her head, she said, "Is it strange that I feel nothing but relief that my childhood imaginary friends are real?"

"I guess some might say so. 'But there is more in heaven and earth than is dreamt of in most men's philosophy.'"

"You know Shakespeare?" She smiled.

I was surprised. "Do you?" She smiled brighter. "See, there's something I didn't know about you. Knowing that you read a lot doesn't tell me that you've committed the words to memory. 'O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!'"

She laughed. "'And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.'"

"I think I will," I answered.

"So will I," she answered, blushing the most beautiful shade of pink.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The arrival of Renee from her grocery shopping prompted a brief and quiet conversation about the necessity for discretion regarding myself and the family. She assured me that she would remain silent and questioned when I might return.

"I feel like you're going to disappear again," she whispered.

"Would you like me to come back before you go to sleep?" I asked, hoping that she would want to see me again.

She nodded, and I disappeared into the forest, watching and listening as she carried out her routine of homework, dinner, and getting ready for bed. When the rain intensified, I entered the attic through the window under the eaves.

I listened to the sounds and thoughts of the family below me and looked through some of my journals, wondering how much I should share with Bella.

_How much can she handle at once?_

When the sun set and the moon was rising behind the clouds, I made my way outside to the tree that served as the staircase to my Juliet's window.

I heard Charlie and Renee retire to their room for the night. Bella was putting her school materials into her backpack for the next day.

Before she could turn around, I was perched in her window. Instead of calling to her as I'd done earlier and risk her alerting her parents I waited until she saw me there.

Even so, she still jumped a little when she turned to go to her bed.

"Edward!" she whispered, her hand going to her heart. When her heart rate calmed, she smiled. "I'm going to have to get used to that, aren't I?"

I grinned guiltily at her and shrugged.

She climbed into her bed and, watching me, reclined on her pillows, her beautiful mahogany hair spread across the pillows.

I took my customary place on the floor beside her bed, my arm propped on the quilt beside her.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," I responded, chuckling.

We looked into each other's eyes for a long time. Without knowing what she was thinking, I could only hum her lullaby for a while. After the sun set, she started asking questions.

She asked mostly about mundane things, filling in gaps in her memories with my answers. I enjoyed hearing about the time that we had spent together from her perspective and asked many questions of my own. I asked about her life during our time apart and about her treasure box that held the items that reminded her of me.

For the time being, neither of us was ready to delve too deeply, not wanting to rush past the newness of whatever we were now.

Sitting there by her side, sharing whispers late into the night, I felt my world begin to shift. The feelings associated with the shift were palpable but I couldn't conceive of what the ramifications might be.

Her hand lay on the bed near mine, and we touched fingertip to fingertip. It was sweet and innocent, yet powerful and intense all at the same time.

The moon rose higher in the sky, and she yawned, as her eyelids drooped.

"Sleep now, Bella. You're tired and need your rest," I whispered, as her eyes fluttered.

She fought against her tiredness and asked, "You'll stay, won't you? I don't want you to leave."

"I promise to be here when you wake," I answered.

"Aren't you tired?" she said, stifling another yawn.

"No, I don't sleep. Rest, we can talk again tomorrow."

Her long dark lashes rested against her cheeks. "Edward?" she asked, nearly asleep.

I smiled at the ever present stubbornness. "Yes, Bella?"

"What's that?" Her eyes opened halfway again, and she looked at our touching fingers. "That feeling, when you touch me?"

Her eyes closed again, and I heard the unmistakable sound of her even-breathing, indicating that she was asleep. She had lost the battle without her answer.

I was glad, because I had no answer to give.

After she woke, we made plans for Bella to come to my house after school for a reunion of sorts. She said she wanted a more private venue than the school cafeteria and wanted to see Carlisle and Esme as well. I whole-heartedly agreed and planned to sit in the library with her during lunch instead.

I excused myself to allow her to go about her morning routine and give her time to make up a story for Renee for her after school activities.

As I neared the house, I heard Carlisle in his study and went there to consult with him regarding the question she'd asked me.

I had spent the entire night considering her question and its implications.

My abilities afforded me the opportunity to know, on an intellectual level, about the energy that flowed between mated couples. I knew that the bond was a physical manifestation of the emotional tie and was felt each time the mated couple touched. Carlisle's theory regarding its purpose was to strengthen the bond and counteract the typical hostility and territorial nature of vampires with the usual diet of human blood.

Our vegetarian diet counteracted the hostile effect in us, allowing us to love more freely and, in Carlisle's opinion, more deeply than others of our kind. The feeling - described by my family as "tingling," "electric," an "energy flow" or "an exchange of warmth,"- was not as necessary for us, but was an intensely pleasant experience that reminded the couples of the certainty of their bond.

My first personal experience with it happened the very first time I touched Bella, but it was light and airy, nothing like what I'd expected in light of my family's descriptions. Over the years, the feeling gradually, almost too gradually for me to notice, changed from that light and airy, almost breathy, exchange to what I felt when her fingertips touched mine the night before.

Last night, our touch created a feeling of warm honey flowing from my body into hers and back again.

I hadn't been surprised by it. What did shock me, however, was that she felt it too. As a human, I was sure that her body wouldn't register the exchange of energy since humans' sense of touch is far less sensitive than ours. This puzzle was why I needed to speak with Carlisle.

"You say she feels it too? Are you sure?" he asked. His thoughts delighted in this new discovery.

"I believe so. She asked what that feeling was when she touched me." My thumb stroked back and forth over my fingertips where they had touched hers all night, so loath was I to relinquish the contact she had initiated with me.

"What did you tell her?" he asked.

"Nothing. She fell asleep."

I looked down at my hand, remembering the way her fingers sought mine if I broke contact with her. The first time it happened was an accident as she adjusted her position in her sleep. Though she had moved, her hand went right back to the place it had been, eagerly seeking the contact.

Several times after that I experimented by moving away slightly. Each time her fingers followed mine until our skin met again. As if our hands had homing beacons, she found me every time.

Watching my fingers rub back and forth I said, "She seeks the contact even in her sleep."

When his thoughts were silent I glanced up at his face. His eyebrows were raised in surprise. I held my hand up for him to see. "My fingers," I explained, brushing the tips with my thumb.

_How fascinating! _he thought_. _"I wish that Esme or Emmett had been conscious and could remember the moments before their change," Carlisle mused.

"You call me?" Emmett asked, lopping into the room and flopping himself in the chair beside me. Our hearing and speed made it all too easy for intrusions into conversations, but, in this case, I was hoping he could shed some light for me.

"When Rose found you after the bear attacked you . . .do you remember anything? Did you, by chance, remember feeling the mating bond as she carried you?" Carlisle asked.

"I remember thinking how hot she was." He punched my arm with a wide grin. My chair slid a few feet across the floor.

When I showed no hint of amusement at his antics, he cleared his throat unnecessarily and turned a more serious face back to Carlisle. "No, I don't remember feeling it until my change was complete. Even while I was undergoing the change, when she held my hand, I didn't feel it. Of course, the fire was just a little distracting," he added sarcastically. "Why do you ask?"

"Bella asked me last night what the feeling was when she touched my hand," I told him, absently rubbing my fingers again. It was as if I could still feel her and, at the same time, craved her touch once again.

"What do you think it means that she can feel it, Carlisle?" I wanted answers.

"I think," he said, "that nothing about Bella is like anything we've ever seen before. We already know your gift doesn't work on her. We know that Alice saw her future from the moment she was conceived and no amount of mind-changing seems to alter it.

"We also know that you feel the bond-"

"Intensely," I interrupted.

"Alright, 'intensely;' arguably more intensely than the rest of us, even. The fact that she feels it – and I know you're not going to want to hear this – but that fact is further proof to me that Bella is meant to be your mate _and_ one of us."

I started to protest, but he held up his hand. "I will, of course, go along with whatever decision you and Bella make, but I'm convinced that her future is already written.

"Therefore, I think the best course of action would be for you to talk to her about it. She's going to want answers. I think you should give them to her."

"I told her I would answer whatever I could, but I don't want to overwhelm her with too much information at one time."

Emmett piped up, "She didn't freak out too badly when she saw you or found out that we were back, right?" I nodded in response, and he continued his thought, "I think she's stronger than you give her credit for."

I turned to him and asked, "So, you think I should just announce in the middle of school that we're vampires and I'm destined to be her husband and mate.

"And, oh yeah, I'm going to have to bite you, and you'll burn with the fires of hell for three days, because I think you're meant to be an undead creature of the night, a vampire, like me. By the way, when can I meet your dad?" I couldn't keep the sarcasm from my voice even as much as I appreciated what he was trying to say.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him in the same way Carlisle had stopped me earlier. "I do understand what you're saying Emmett, but let's just start with her re-meeting the family."

"Will do, little buddy." He leapt lithely from his chair and practically skipped from the room in search of his wife thinking about how he was going to broach the topic of meeting Bella.

Getting Rose to agree was going to take some finesse before this afternoon. And no one 'finessed' her better than Emmett – though he usually got a smack or two to the head for his trouble.

I smiled. Emmett was a good brother.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

At lunch time, I headed to the library to meet with Bella as she requested.

She sat at a table by a window near the back between the stacks of classical fiction. I paused on my way towards her, taking in the sight before me.

Soft, grey light filtered through the rain-filled clouds and lay all around her, a mantle of luminescence. A lock of hair was twirled around her fingers, and she brushed the soft, chestnut strand across her cheek and under her nose. She was engrossed in a worn novel and sighed gently as she turned a page.

"Bella?" I asked, warning of my approach.

She smiled brilliantly as she turned to me. "Hi, Edward. How is your day?"

I smirked at her. "Better now. And yours?"

"Good…now," she stuttered slightly and blushed. I was hard pressed not to run my thumb across the color that stained her cheek. "I've got something for you."

"Do you?" I asked, as she dug in her backpack.

"Yeah, um," she began, pulling out her journal and laying it on the table before sliding it shyly over to me. "I didn't really get a chance to write in it last night, but . . . well , , , old habits die hard . . . I guess. I wrote this morning." She bit her lip and glanced up at me.

"Bella, you don't have to let me read this if you don't want to." I had desperately missed reading her thoughts since she had stopped writing. I was aching to read the words which filled the latest pages.

"It didn't feel really finished without knowing you would read it." She blushed again and pulled her hair across her face.

"If you're sure…" I let the words dangle as I held up the book between us. She nodded and returned to the book in front her.

I opened the pages to find her familiar script.

_I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy._

_That's all I have been able to think. It has become this crazy kind of mantra in my head. And, to be honest, I am so unbelievably relieved. I want to either cry or laugh hysterically. I'm not sure which- maybe both._

_My life has suddenly gone from mildly and occasionally odd to absolutely and completely bizarre. My childhood "imaginary" friend, whom I always knew in the depths of my soul wasn't imaginary, appeared in my biology class, of all places, and said, "Hello."_

_Hell-fucking-o. Seriously?_

_I couldn't help it, Angel. I wigged the hell out. I ran – from you, from school, from the sudden, blinding realization that I was not crazy._

_Cue huge sigh of relief. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me._

_I mean . . . I wrote to you, my Angel, for eleven years. ELEVEN YEARS. Every single day of my childhood, I wrote to a person I couldn't see._

_Who does that?_

_Me, apparently._

_And every time I wrote, every single night, I was somehow comforted. It felt right to tell you everything, to pour my heart out to you every night._

_In the last few years, I could barely remember what you looked like, but I remembered that you always listened to everything I said as if it was the most fascinating thing in your world. _

_You made me feel important._

_I admit that I was beginning to cave into the pressures of time and logic. The last few months of journal writing had become less about telling you things and more about the desperate longing I felt for someone I wasn't even sure was real. Honestly, I was beginning to doubt my sanity._

_But, every morning when I woke up, the bedside table, where I had laid my journal, was empty. How could I deny something like that? How could I deny the evidence of your existence?_

_Then, there was my treasure box. That's the first thing I thought of when I made my mad dash from school yesterday. I had to get to my box and my drawings. I just had to see it, feel it, for myself._

_That box was my proof- the proof I clung to when my mind tried to force logic on me. The biggest truth of my whole life was contained in a small unassuming box that had once held a new pair of shoes._

_I examined each artifact with care, but the _piece de resistance_ was an old- fashioned handkerchief. The handkerchief was my most important piece of evidence. It wasn't just tangible proof- it smelled like you. When I opened the little plastic bag I'd sealed it into so long ago and pressed my nose into the worn-soft fabric, I breathed deeply of a scent I knew very well. _

_I knew it because it perfumed my quilt each morning when I woke._

_Each evening, after I wrote in my journal and laid it on my table, I pulled the quilt to my nose and smelled dryer sheets and laundry soap or the constant, damp, mossy smell that permeates this whole town. Then, every morning, I opened my eyes and saw my empty table, uncurled my body from around the cold spot on the side of my bed and pulled the quilt to my nose again to find that it smelled like honey, sunshine and sandalwood. Every morning I pressed the fabric to my nose and breathed deeply, filling my nostrils with the smell until I had spread the scent over my face and rubbed it in my hair._

_It is for this reason alone that I always, always shower at night. That way I can carry this scent with me all day long. It is such an integral part of my life that I can't imagine going through a single day without it._

_The scent has a profound effect on me. It comforts me when I am nervous. The habit of pulling my hair across my face and inhaling the scent is so ingrained it me that I almost wouldn't notice I did it except for the calm it brings._

_There is something about that scent that makes me feel like I belong to it. And I love that feeling- like I belong somewhere, or better yet, to someone. _

_Though unexplainable, the feeling has always been undeniable. I would sooner heed Romeo's bidding to Juliet and deny my name, all that I am, than deny that I am fully and totally possessed by the draw that scent has on my heart, my mind, my body._

_When my treasures were fully examined and safely tucked away, I was sure then that the beautiful boy I had seen in biology yesterday was the same person I'd been writing to for eleven years, the same person who leaves his scent on my quilt every night. _

_I was sure of you._

_Knowing now that you are real, that I'm not crazy and that you have returned, I almost couldn't take the joy of it as I sat on my bed yesterday afternoon. The emotion of the moment reminded me of our book, the one you always read to me. _

_As I turned the pages, reciting the words from memory and examining the pictures, I felt like I could finally say the words that I wanted to say to you since I was just a little girl._

"_Come, boy, sit down and be happy," I whispered._

_And just like that, you were there._

_I am embarrassed to confess that I am intoxicated by you. Your smell, concentrated when drawn directly from you instead of my quilt, your voice, so familiar to me, and your touch, like liquid fire flowing between us- all of these combine to make me drunk._

_My brain feels foggy with the heady presence of you in my life again. My body responds to you just being in the same room. I feel myself inexplicably drawn to you to the point that it physically pains me to refuse the impulse to get closer to you._

_When you sat on the floor beside my bed last night, my body curled into a familiar position and, without my permission, my hand sought yours. So, despite my overwhelming embarrassment at all these confessions, I have to tell you, because I need something in return. _

_I need to know the truth, no matter what it is._

I was stunned, stunned at her bravery and stunned at her revelations. I had no idea that she was so aware of me, that I had left so many clues of my presence and, most earth-shatteringly, that she was so physically connected to me. My conversation with Carlisle this morning didn't begin to scratch the surface.

I turned to look at her and caught her watching me surreptitiously out of the corner of her eyes. She flitted back to her book when she realized she'd been caught. Her blush was flaming red, her blood so close to the surface of her skin. It covered from the top of her forehead down to where it disappeared underneath her shirt.

I tried valiantly not to think about exactly how far down it went.

"Oh, Bella," I sighed, "don't you know that I am incapable of denying you anything? How about we discuss your questions this evening?"

She nodded without looking at me, her blush still bright.

"May I?" I asked. When she looked at me with confusion in her eyes I lifted my arm and slowly put it around her shoulders, raising one eyebrow in question. She bit her lip delicately and nodded after a quick look around.

I pulled her softly to me and pressed my lips to her temple. Her body relaxed into my side, and she smiled up at me.

Her revelations continued to astound me as we walked to biology. As we walked down the hallways of Forks High, our gait altered, and our shoulders angled toward each other. We moved in tandem without thinking about it, as if we had danced this dance together for a life time.

During biology, we both unconsciously moved to sit closer to one another. We had a gravitational pull that I couldn't break free from, not that I wanted to. In her truck on our ride to my house, only the fact that she was driving kept her rooted to her spot.

Her heart pounded harder with every mile we traveled on the way to my house.

"It'll be fine, Bella. I promise. They're so happy you're coming." I smiled at her reassuringly, trying my best to calm her.

It didn't work. Her heart rate only increased, and her lips parted to let her breath escape.

"Wow," she mumbled as she stared at me.

I placed my hand on the steering wheel, keeping the antiquated death machine on the road.

"Wow, what?" I asked.

"Nothing. Nothing," she insisted, turning her attention back to the road. I offered to drive when we left the school, but she said she'd remember the way there better if she drove.

Since her nerves were already shot, I indulged her even though the speed – or lack thereof – that the truck possessed threatened to drive me clinically insane.

As she rounded the last turn, the house came into view, and her eyes widened. She turned to stare at me as she put the truck into park.

"What?" I asked.

"When were you going to tell me you were rich?" She turned back to look at the house and blew her breath out between her teeth. "Stupid, Volvo-driving, imaginary friends," she mumbled.

I laughed and made my way around to open her door and escort her to the front door. The sliver of skin between her shirt and the top of her jeans felt like it was burning my hand as I gently guided her.

It amazed me that she never flinched from the coldness of my touch. Instead, she stepped closer to me when I dropped my hand, the front of one shoulder touching the back of my bicep.

I leaned to her and whispered, "It's okay."

Bella's face showed a myriad of emotions, and I looked to Jasper for help in deciphering them.

_She's giddy, he thought, almost giggly._

"Is she?" I asked softly and quickly, amused at her reaction. She glanced up at me, and I wondered if she had heard me. I led her to where my family was waiting for her around my piano.

Carlise and Esme greeted us first. Their thoughts were overflowing with happiness to see Bella again. Esme, especially, was restraining herself, but thought of little else than her desire to hug Bella. "Bella!" her soft voice said.

"Mama Esme?" Bella asked and Esme nodded vigorously. She eventually lost the battle and hugged Bella gently. Bella laid her head on Esme's shoulder, closing her eyes.

I was surprised at the tone of Carlisle's internal musings, as Bella turned to him and smiled, saying, "Papa Carlisle." She fell naturally into his hug, arms wrapped around his waist.

_Oh, my beautiful daughter! What a lovely young lady she's grown up to be! Edward you treat her right, or I'll dismember you myself!_ He narrowed his eyes at me in mock sternness, then smiled and winked to make sure I understood that he knew that his warning was completely unnecessary.

He pressed a kiss to her hair. "It's so good to see you again, Bella," he said when she stepped back from him.

Bella stepped next to Alice who let a small squeak of excitement escape. It was nothing compared to the monologue going on in her head regarding her enthusiasm to see all of her beautiful visions come to fruition.

"Al-" Bella began, but Alice cut her off with a near bone-crushing hug.

"Bella! I just can't wait…"

"Alice." I drew out the word in warning, and she stopped.

"Yes, yes, of course." She petted Bella's hair and smoothed it down. She jerked her head to look at the man beside her and smiled.

Jasper smiled welcomingly at Bella, but kept his distance. This was the first time he'd been around Bella in years, and the scent of her blood called to him. He inclined his head a bit in greeting, saying simply, "Hello, darlin'."

Her smiled broadened. "Jasper," she said and bent her knees in a little curtsy, just like he'd taught her years ago.

His eyebrows lifted at her performance, and his smile nearly split his face. He winked at her and looked over her shoulder at me. _She remembers!_ he thought.

"EmmyBear!" she suddenly exclaimed and lunged at Emmett. He caught her effortlessly in his giant arms and spun her around.

"Belly Button!" he laughed, and the sound rumbled in his chest like thunder echoing between the mountains.

"Put her down, Emmett. She's not a child any more," I tried to grouse, but I couldn't hide the amusement in my voice. Though I chastised him, Jasper reassured me that his familiar reaction set Bella more at ease.

He set her on her feet and mussed her hair. "No," his eyes made a quick sweep down then up, and she blushed when he winked at her. "But she's still my baby sister. Aren't you, Button?"

"Am I?" she replied, laughing.

"'Course you are!" He pushed her on the shoulder good naturedly, and I was glad I was standing behind her to keep her from falling. She nearly toppled to the floor. Emmett never did have the best grasp of his strength.

Rose smacked Emmett on the back of his head. "Don't kill the human, you big buffoon." She turned her scowl back to Bella.

I sneered at her, giving her a stern look to let her know that she was free to take her emotions out on me, but not on Bella.

"Rose," Bella smiled widely and stuck out a slightly wilted violet she'd picked from Renee's flowerbed.

When Bella offered Rose the violet, a sign of their once strong connection, Rose's face froze in horror. She looked at the flower as if it would burst into flames, then at Bella in stunned silence.

Rosalie had intended on remaining detached and presenting a cool aloofness, but my sweet, unassuming Bella had shattered that plan with a simple gesture.

"For you," Bella said smiling and thrust the flower toward her again.

Rose's eyes flew to mine, as an image of the game they had played when Bella was a child flashed through her mind. Bella picked flowers for Rose to keep, but she would instead refuse them and arrange them decoratively in Bella's hair, declaring that a beautiful little girl needed beautiful flowers for her hair.

_Edward…I…can't. I just can't_, she thought as she disappeared out the door and into the forest.

I was unable to control the dissident emotions of compassion and anger that filled me. I didn't need Jasper's gift to see Rose's pain, but the disappointment in Bella's eyes when she turned to me made furious with Rosalie.

Bella gazed up at me with heartbreak in her eyes and tears marring her perfect cheeks. "Edward?" she asked.

I was at a loss for what to tell her.

"I'll go check on her," Emmett said, turning to follow after his wife.

"Don't mind Rose, Bella," Alice came to my rescue.

Jasper sent a small wave of reassurance and acceptance to help Bella.

"She's got some . . . issues she's dealing with. It's absolutely not your fault. Okay?" Alice brushed a strand of hair behind Bella's ear.

Bella looked at us, a frown creasing her beautiful face. My hand ran down her arm to the fingers that held the violet. Taking it from her gently with my other hand and laying it atop my piano I said, "Let's leave it here for her. I'm sure she'll want it later."

Her fingers threaded through mine, but her focus was on Alice. I don't think she even realized what she'd done. I stroked her hand, enjoying being able to comfort her this way.

"It's so good to see you again, Bella. We've missed you terribly!" Alice pulled Bella toward the couch. Unwilling as I was to let go of her hand, I allowed myself to be pulled along. The others joined us.

Bella looked around the room at all of us. "None of you have changed at all. How is that possible?"

_And straight to the pink elephant in the room._

My Bella wasn't one to mince words. I had promised her some answers. I guessed it was time to make good on that promise.

Everyone's eyes and thoughts flew immediately to me.

_It's up to you, Edward. We will follow your lead,_ Carlisle thought.

I looked to Alice and raised my eyebrow at her, deciding on a course of action. She knew what I wanted and closed her eyes briefly, taking me with her into the future.

I looked down at our joined hands and brushed Bella's knuckles with my thumb. Her wide and trusting eyes gazed up into mine, waiting. In the few seconds it took me to collect my thoughts, the others discreetly left the room, giving us time to ourselves. I don't think Bella noticed. Her eyes never left mine.

"I'm really interested to hear your thoughts, actually."

Her eyes rolled up as she considered. Biting her lip before answering, she said, "Um…cryogenics?" She shook her head almost immediately. "No, you haven't been frozen for the last eleven years. How could you have still been with me every night?"

She thought for a second. "Fountain of youth?" I shook my head with a smirk. "But definitely…what? Immortal?" She cocked her head to the side and studied me.

"Too weird?" she wondered aloud. She snorted. "Like anything about this situation falls under the heading of 'normal.' Okay, then, um…radioactive spiders?" We both chuckled at that.

She raised one eyebrow at me mockingly. "So, no flying aliens with super- human strength sent here from their own dying world?"

I grinned back at her, meeting the challenge in her eyes. "Well, no to the flying and alien parts."

"Ahh," she said, as if that cleared everything right up for her.

"Any other theories?" I asked, as she continued to play absent-mindedly with my hand.

"Give me a second," she pleaded, and I leaned back into the cushions, waiting patiently for her.

Her eyes dropped to our hands, and she squeezed mine firmly. When her eyes came up again, they flitted back and forth between mine. Then, she glanced at her watch briefly before closing her eyes. Her nostrils flared slightly as she sniffed at the air.

"You're not a ghost, because you're solid -too solid, really. What is you're skin, marble?" She didn't let me answer. Apparently she was on a bit of a roll. "And cold. And strong?" she questioned referring to my non-denial of her earlier statement. I just nodded for her to continue. "It's supper time but there's no food being prepared. You don't need to eat…or maybe you just don't eat food? You don't sleep, because you keep me company every night."

She looked around the room. "But everything seems so normal." Looking back at me, she continued, "You're not human."

I shook my head. "Not exactly, no. But we all were, once."

"Yes, I kinda figured that. Not dead, because you're alive."

She cocked her head again, and I could see the wheels spinning in her mind behind her expressive eyes. I'd never get tired of looking into their depths.

I waited.

"Is it possible?" she whispered to herself. She narrowed her eyes at me. "What DO you eat?"

"A more accurate question would be 'what do we _drink_?'" I hedged.

This was the part I was dreading. Would she be frightened? Would she run? Was this the moment I'd lose her forever?

Alice's visions weren't set in stone. So many variables played into them. They could change in a moment without any warning at all.

Bella drew in a sharp breath. "I'm right!"

"Just say it, Bella. Out loud." _Oh, the miserable torture of her silent mind!_

Her voice was surprisingly sure as she spoke the truth, "Vampire."


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

~~~8~~~8~~~

_Vampire._ She'd said the word. The word I feared and hated and wanted to hear from her lips. I glanced quickly away from her eyes. I couldn't bear to see the disgust I knew was there.

"Are you afraid?" I asked.

"No." Her voice was calm and sure. My eyes snapped back to hers as I searched her face for evidence of her fear.

I found none.

"You should be." I tried to warn her.

"Why?" she asked, all innocence and naïveté.

_God! Could she really not see the danger all around her?_

"Bella! You're in a house full of vampires. Aren't you worried?" I asked incredulously.

She shrugged one shoulder. "I suppose I should be." She looked around the room for a moment, seemingly searching for something, before her eyes returned to me. "But I'm not."

I huffed and rubbed my palm over my face. The girl had no sense of self- preservation.

"Why should I be more afraid now that I know the truth? Are you any more likely to kill me now than you were at any point during the last seventeen years?"

My eyes widened at her. "How can you just sit there calmly discussing your own demise!"

She shrugged again nonchalantly. "Answer the question, Edward. Am I in any _more_ danger now than I was two days ago?"

Begrudgingly, I admitted that she was not. "No. In fact, you were in more danger the day Charlie and Renee brought you home from the hospital than at any other time."

"Tell me."

I grimaced at her request. "I'd rather not."

She placed the hand I wasn't holding on my arm, and I felt my skin zing at her touch. "Please, Edward," she begged.

I groaned lowly, knowing that this unreasonable power she had over me wouldn't allow me to deny her anything. "Bella." Her name came out as a plea. "It wasn't exactly my finest moment. It's not something I like to think about."

She remained silent and didn't ask me again, but the plea did not leave her eyes.

Stalling, I pulled gently on her hand as I stood, asking, "Walk with me?" The other members of my family were all otherwise occupied, but this story wasn't one I had shared with any of them, beyond the small detail that I had almost killed her. I wasn't eager for them to hear any more of it, even if they could sympathize. I didn't want their pity any more than I had wanted Carlisle's pride in my restraint when it first happened.

I knew without having to ask that Bella would not be satisfied with skimming over this story. We walked hand- in- hand, strolling through the gardens as I shared my story of shame with her.

I explained the draw her blood had on me, what it meant to be my singer, and how I had nearly ripped the skin from my bones as I forced myself out her window that night. I told her that, as much as I was ashamed to admit it, her blood still called to me. As we discussed this point, I felt the unconscious curl of my lip over my teeth as the thirst and her scent met together on the breeze.

Forcing my lip back down, I warned, "Never forget that I am more dangerous to you than anything or anyone else in this world." I held both of her hands in mine, as we stood at the edge of a small clearing of trees, and stared into her eyes, trying to make her understand.

She leaned towards me, inhaling the breath that blew across her face as I spoke. The scent of her blood increased with her nearness. "I don't believe you," she breathed, her eyes half closed.

Never taking my eyes from hers, I reached behind me, ripped an entire limb from the nearest tree and tossed it so far that it left her line of sight. Her only reaction was to brush some of the falling debris from her hair without looking.

Faster than she could blink, I tossed her onto my back and ran up the closest mountain peak before setting her on her feet again. She laughed with delight even as she stumbled a bit in dizziness.

I stepped into a shaft of light coming through the treetops, unbuttoning my shirt swiftly, watching her reaction as the sun struck my diamond skin, casting sparkling shards to reflect all around me. She answered me with a soft, blushing smile.

As a last ditch effort to reveal myself completely to her and make her understand the level of danger she was always in around me, I slackened the leash on the monster in me just a bit. Stepping within inches of her, I bared my teeth, let free a growl and felt the intensity deepen in my eyes intent on mesmerizing my prey. It was the face each of my victims had seen just before I sank my teeth into their jugular-the face that wasn't human, held no trace of the humanity I pretended to retain.

Her only reaction was to lay her hands on either side of my face and use the pads of her thumbs to smooth my lips down from their snarl. "Shhhh," she whispered. "You don't scare me, Angel. I'm not going anywhere."

It was more than I could take. I'd told her everything that was the worst of me, showed her the depth of evil that lived inside of me, and she was comforting me?

Since when did the fish console the eagle or the lamb soothe the lion? What alternate universe had I entered?

I broke instantly. If I hadn't loved her before, I was in love with her now. I felt myself being fundamentally altered by her and knew I would never be the same again. In this unassuming, monumental moment, the bonding was complete. I could no longer exist without her.

"Bella, please." There were so many words, too many to voice, and yet I was speechless in the face of her unconditional acceptance.

Her hands slid up my arms and wound around me for a moment reassuring me. Then she slid them back down my arms and grasped both my hands in hers, dipping her head to find my eyes since my head was hung in shame.

She smiled gently and tugged my hands, pulling us toward a nearby boulder to sit upon.

"Come, boy, sit and be happy," she quoted again to me, and suddenly I felt as if it might be possible.

Perhaps, somewhere in this interminable existence lay a plan for my happiness. Watching her smile gave me hope.

We sat on that rock and talked for a long time. I answered all the questions she asked about what we were, what we ate, how we lived. I laughed at her questions about coffins and moats, and she laughed at my description of Emmett wrestling a bear.

When the conversation turned to the topic of Rosalie, I told her that, as much as I wanted to answer all her questions, the story was Rosalie's to share. I gave her as much as I could and told her that essentially Rose was concerned about the possibility that she could one day become one of us.

"She doesn't want me to be a part of the family?" Bella asked, the rejection clear in her face. "I see."

I was sure that she did not, in fact, "see" anything.

"It's not that, Bella. Rosalie loves you. That is why she doesn't want you to be changed. She hates this existence, as most of us do, but Rosalie feels very maternal towards you. She met you and fell in love with you as a human baby. She does not want to accept any scenario where you would be changed or harmed in anyway."

"What other possibility is there?" she asked.

The smile on my face was bittersweet-what other possibilities indeed. Life, old age and, eventually, her death or death unto immortality with never-ending, burning thirst and the destruction of her soul?

It was too deep a question for a darkening sky and a hungry human. I looked up at the twilight of the day. "How about we open that particular box of Pandora's another time?"

She blushed slightly as her fingers played in mine. I brushed aside the hair she tried to hide behind.

""I promise we'll get to all of your questions, Bella, okay? Just not tonight." As if to help my case, her stomach growled right at that moment.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I should have thought about feeding you," I apologized.

"No problem. As much as I don't want to, I really need to go. It's getting late. Renee will worry."

She let me drive her home, asking when we reached her driveway, "How will you get back home?"

"Who said I'm going home?" I smirked.

She looked out the window at the dark sky and laughed lightly. "Yeah, I guess not." Looking at me hopefully, she said, "You'll stay then?"

I allowed myself what I couldn't in the library earlier in the day and brushed the back of my fingers across the faint blush on her cheeks. "Do you want me to?"

"Yes," she whispered, leaning into my touch. I wasn't sure she was aware of what she was doing or the effect it had on me.

"I'll go for a quick hunt and give you some time. I'll be back before you're asleep. How's that?" I walked around the truck then and opened her door.

She climbed out, pulling her backpack with her. "Sounds good," she said before disappearing into the house.

~~~8~~~8~~~

"Everyone's?" Bella asked me the next day as we sat at the lunch table with my siblings.

"I can read every mind in this room, apart from your's, yes." I eyed her waiting to see her reaction.

"Is there something wrong with me?"

My siblings laughed.

"No, Bella, you're fine. It's good to see there is finally someone whom Eddie can't annoy the hell out of by knowing everything about them before they speak," Emmett grinned. "Although it's pretty fun turning the tables on him."

Emmett's mind filled with images of a naked Rosalie.

"Please, Emmett!" I whispered harshly at him. I glanced at Rose in reflex, and she smacked the back of his head.

"It always has to be me, you big oaf? You can't picture yourself in a Speedo or something?" Rosalie winked at me as she proceeded to do just that.

"Seriously?" I groaned and pressed my palms to my eyes, wishing for the ability to block their thoughts just once.

Bella laughed uproariously at our antics. She turned to Alice. "Are they always like this?"

Alice smiled mischievously, "Oh no, it's usually much worse."

Bella laughed again and looked around at the cafeteria. "I'd ask you what they're thinking, but it's a room full of teenagers. I'm pretty sure I could figure it out." Turning back to me she said, "Tell me one that isn't what I would expect."

I scanned the room for something to share. "Well, Coach Clapp is thinking a little too fondly about his cat, and Mrs. Cope is thinking a little too fondly about Emmett."

She lost it then, nearly squirting the lemonade she had just taken a drink of out of her nose.

"ALL the ladies love me. What can I say?" Emmett flexed his massive biceps, and Rose unintentionally filled my mind again, sans Speedo this time.

"She's nearly as old as I am!" Jasper protested, laughing at Emmett.

The laughter continued until Bella realized that Mrs. Cope wasn't in the cafeteria, but likely in her usual spot in the main office.

"I know," I told her when she asked me about it. "I can 'hear' everything within roughly a five mile radius."

Her eyes widened considerably. "Holy crow! That must be deafening, if that's the right word."

I flinched at her analysis. Sometimes when I wasn't thinking about all the voices I was able to shrink that distance somewhat but, like right then, when I was considering the distance I could reach, the voices rose in volume until I thought I might go mad.

"It is," I stated honestly.

"How do you not just go stark raving bonkers?" she asked, amazed.

"There's a reason he's so 'emo,' as your generation calls it," Jasper answered for me. "We usually take up residence in the country side, making sure there is at least a five mile buffer all around us. Even if Edward can't block us out, at least he can go without listening to everyone else."

She rubbed my hand sympathetically. Our hands didn't release each others' for a single second whenever we were together.

"How old are you, Jasper?" Bella asked, as she finished her pizza and apple.

"A hundred sixty-five. I was born in 1843 in Texas and changed at twenty-one while fighting in the War of Northern Aggression," Jasper explained. Bella looked at me with eyebrow cocked in confusion.

"The Civil War. Jasper's still a little bitter." I rolled my eyes at the familiar arguments forming in his mind. "When we are changed we are essentially frozen in time. Change does not come easily to us. Jasper has a difficult time letting this particular offense go."

"Oh! Should I bring up the topic of the War to End all Wars? Shall we discuss Russia or Germany first?" Jasper countered good-naturedly.

I ignored the prodding and motioned for Emmett to take his turn.

"I'm just a country boy from Tennessee, born in 1915. I was changed in thirty-five when my sweet Rosie girl killed the bear attacking me." He turned and smiled at her.

Rosalie rolled her eyes at him, saying, "Still don't know why I did it." Despite her statement she winked at him. I tried not to 'hear' her intentions when her hand dropped under the table to his lap.

"Moving along. Rosalie?" I tried desperately to distract them. When the attempt failed I muttered, "After more than seventy years one would think you could calm the hormones down a bit."

My mumblings broke Rose from her pursuits and she spoke so only the vampires in the room could hear. "Just wait, little brother, payback, much like me, is a bitch."

"Your story, Rosalie?" I prompted again, without a shred of doubt that her assertion was correct.

Rosalie turned to Bella with a bitter smile. "I was changed in 1933. Carlisle was attempting to save my life as well." Rosalie turned to Alice. "Your turn," she said by way of cutting off the question that was forming itself on Bella's lips.

"I'm not sure how old I am. I have no memories of anything before I woke up. I don't even remember the change itself. I woke up in 1920 and my first thought was a vision of Jasper." She gripped the hand that rested around her shoulder and squeezed it lovingly as she gazed up into his eyes when she spoke. "I found him in Philadelphia and now here we all are…Bell." she said seconds before it rang.

"And you, Edward? How old are you?" she questioned as we walked to biology.

"A hundred and seven," I smirked. "I was changed in 1918 during the Spanish influenza. I was seventeen."

That sparked a round of twenty questions that lasted well into the hundreds and spanned days. I was delighted with both my opportunity to get to know her better and be known by her in return, as well as my reprieve from answering some of her harder questions.

I just wasn't ready yet.

~~~8~~~8~~~


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

~~~8~~~8~~~

Topaz, Bella's favorite gem, and Poptarts, her favorite breakfast food: just two examples of the information I had collected over the last two weeks. Every question she answered spurred three more within me. Though I had watched her all her life, I had done so from a distance. It wasn't remotely the same as knowing her, conversing with her, listening to her.

To say that I was thrilled to be doing all of those things now was a gross understatement. Every piece of information she revealed to me, no matter how trivial or meaningful, held me captive, entranced with all that made Bella who she was.

Some information surprised me. For example, she wanted to travel to the desert and take in the rugged, barren beauty she'd seen in the postcards her mother's sister sent her. Other bits I could have guessed from her nature and personality. She wanted to study literature with an emphasis on the classics, but really felt that she would probably like to work in a service industry of some kind, like nursing or teaching. She liked taking care of and protecting people.

In some really screwed up way, I owed a debt of gratitude to a cad named Phil Dwyer. Bella spent several days talking to me for the first time about her mother's affair with this minor league baseball player who had come through town several years back. She never told Renee that she knew, and, of course, Charlie was completely ignorant of the incident. I wasn't surprised that she would protect her parents by bearing the burden of that secret in silence.

She cried in my arms for a long time that first night, letting out all of her frustration with her mother for cheating and her father for spending too much time working and fishing. I had no idea she knew of the affair, but held her gently as she sobbed silently into my chest. When she was finished, she told me how cathartic it felt to tell someone. I didn't dare admit to her that, while I was thrilled to be there for her, the selfish monster inside of me was equally thrilled to hold this beautiful woman in my arms and, more importantly, for the pattern it started.

That was the first night I held her as she slept. She had cried herself to sleep. When I attempted to lay her down and move away, she fisted my shirt and refused to let go. I could have forced her, but I wanted her in my arms too much. I wanted to be the person she clung to- literally and figuratively.

My selfishness would abide no other option but to acquiesce. Therefore, I gingerly lay back on her pillows and pulled her to my side, wrapping her tightly in the blanket separating us so that she would not be chilled.

Not a single night in my entire existence had passed as quickly. It seemed like her clock ticked by only seconds when the sun was rising and Bella was stirring beside me. I wondered what her reaction to my presence in her bed

would be. Her heartbeat quickened slightly. It was at this point when, before my 'return,' I would have leapt from her window. Now, I smiled into her hair and relished in her scent, waiting for consciousness to find her.

"Mmmmm," she murmured, and I felt her grip tighten around my waist just before she began rubbing her face on my shirt.

I laughed at her. "What, in heaven's name, are you doing, Bella?"

"Mmmmm," she sighed happily. "Stealing your smell." Her voice was muffled as she continued her strange activity.

I laughed harder. "Silly, Bella! You cannot steal what I freely give. Take whatever you want from me. It's yours."

She raised her head and gazed at me mischievously. A wrinkle creased her brow as her eyes widened in playful questioning. "You mean that?" she asked, and I was suddenly back-tracking in my head, trying to figure out where she was going with this.

But the truth was that everything I owned and everything I was belonged to her entirely. The only truthful answer was "Yes, utterly yours."

She looked away shyly for a moment before she leaned over and gave me a chaste but very real kiss. "Then I didn't steal that either," she murmured quickly as she hopped out of the bed, grabbed her toiletries bag from her dresser and rushed from the room. It was several minutes before I was able to come to my senses and realize that Bella had initiated our first kiss.

~~~8~~~8~~~

Emmett was standing on the deck, hand raised in the air waiting for me to 'high-five' him. Jasper chuckled lightly as I ignored the big oaf and walked past. Unfortunately my mind was still too fogged by Bella's actions to pay attention to Emmett's other thoughts. He slapped me on the ass like a football coach would a player who'd made a touchdown.

They were both laughing heartily as Emmett sing-songed "Eddie and Bella sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G" as I climbed the stairs in pursuit of the sister I intended to dismember and burn.

"You just had to tell Emmett?" I accused Alice when I found her bouncing in the doorway to my room.

"Sorry!...No, I'm not! Yay! Bella kissed you!" She twirled around and around the room. I couldn't help but laugh at her antics. The joy at the truth of what Bella had done was too much to let me feign anger.

"Just don't tell Emmett anything any more. Okay?" It was a useless plea. Alice wouldn't be able to contain herself and there were no secrets in a house full of gifted vampires anyway. Trying to hide any of this was utterly ridiculous. Besides, my family had been waiting for this moment nearly as much as I had. It felt like I'd be cheating them if I didn't let them have the fun of teasing me about it.

"Like you'll be able to keep it from us anyway, Loverboy! I can smell her all over you. What'd you do? Roll around in her dirty laundry?" Emmett asked when he and Jasper sat on either side of me on my leather couch.

"No, I most certainly did not do anything that creepy." I protested, immediately regretting my words.

"Creepy?" Emmett bellowed indignantly. "Creepy? Edward, shall we list for you all the ways in which you have gone way past creepy in the last seventeen years?'

I saw the rather long and, admittedly, truthful list of my offenses in the minds of my siblings.

"Oh, please can I start?" Rose asked as she entered and took her place in Emmett's lap.

When Alice perched on Jasper's knee I took my cue. "No! No one is starting anything! I'm taking a shower…"

"Liar," I heard Alice mumble.

"Enough! Out! All of you! We are due at school in half an hour." I pointed vehemently toward the door to my rooms and tried desperately not to break a smile thinking about being with Bella again.

"I hear we have something to celebrate!" Esme came in carrying a fresh vase of flowers to set in my room.

I groaned and gave up when I saw Carlisle follow in behind her. I collapsed into my favorite chair next to my stereo and surrounded by piles of books and journals.

"What is it we're celebrating?" Obviously Carlisle had just come from the hospital as he was still wearing his Forks General scrubs.

Taking up his sing-songing again, Emmett said, "Bella kissed Edward. Bella kissed Edward."

"Alright, we've got it. Thank you Emmett for the recap," I groused, rubbing my temples with my fingertips.

"Well congratulations, son. Seems like things are moving along nicely." Leave it to Carlisle to be so clinical and happy at the same time.

"Thank you," I muttered. "Now, can we all get ready for school? Please?"

"Eager much?" Rose asked and snickering broke out across the room. I glared at Carlisle. I expected it from the rest of them but surely he, at least, could retain a modicum of decorum.

_Sorry!_ he thought and backed out of the room with his hands raised in surrender. Esme kissed my cheek and followed her husband out. The others trailed after them.

Emmett threw something at my head before he disappeared out the door laughing hysterically with Rosalie.

I opened the hand that caught the object. "Really, Emmett?" I yelled after him as I tossed the box of condoms into the drawer of the side table next to me - just so Esme wouldn't find them in the trash, of course.

~~~8~~~8~~~

"Would you care to accompany me to dinner Friday evening, Bella?" I asked as she got into her truck after school.

"You don't eat, Edward. Why would we go to dinner?" she snarked at me, throwing her backpack into her truck.

I shut the door when she was safely buckled in her seat and climbed into the passenger seat. She refused to let me drive her precious 'baby,' as she called it, and apparently I wasn't permitted to pick her up in my car yet.

A fact I desperately wanted to change.

"Because . . . it's what people do. I would like to take you to dinner. It would make me happy." I was playing dirty to get her to agree, and I knew it.

She looked at me sideways, narrowing her eyes at me. She wasn't fooled a bit. "I have one condition." She smirked as she drove towards her house.

"God! You're so stubborn! Fine," I huffed at her, feigning irritation. "What's your condition?"

"You'll talk to me."

"Bella, I always talk to you. We talk non-stop. What kind of condition is that?"

"You'll talk to me about this." She touched my hand, and I felt the familiar flow between us.

My happy mood fell considerably as I contemplated the ramifications of what she asked. "Bella, I'm not sure we're ready for that."

"You mean you're not ready. What's wrong? What are you waiting for?" She watched me intently while I tried to formulate an answer that would buy me some time.

I looked at our hands, fingers still threaded together. "I don't want you to feel trapped or scared. I don't want you to feel like you have no choices. The whole world is open to you, Bella, and I don't want to rob you of anything you want to do in this life."

"Could you be any more cryptic, Edward? What does this mean?" She lifted our hands up. "Is it awful? Something terrible? Am I dying?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes, but only if you want to."

It was the wrong thing to say. "Edward!? What the hell? What you don't say is the scary part. Just tell me, Edward, now!"

We sat in her driveway. "I don't think now is the time. Can't we wait until…"

"No," she cut me off. "I want the truth. Just tell me, and I'll deal with it."

"You're my . . . . " God, I felt ridiculous. If she were a vampire already, I wouldn't have to explain this to her-at least I didn't think I would. We didn't have to explain it to Esme or Emmett.

I looked out the window, wondering if I could do this.

There was so much about this particular topic that I wanted to tell her. I wanted to show her all my journals. I wanted to read to her every letter I'd ever written her. God knew I had hundreds them.

I pictured us sitting in a meadow, my head in her lap, her fingers running through my hair, as I read to her from the piles of leather-bound books I'd filled since that fateful New Year's Eve.

I imagined her fingers brushing over the images of her face I had etched in my drawings with worshipful adoration. I listened in my daydream as I explained every detail of our wedding, our life, our future together. I wanted all of it, every possibility that existed.

Until the truth of that word hit me again. A possibility is all it was. She could reject me based on this one frightening piece of information.

I suddenly wanted to call Alice and beg her to tell me the outcome of this conversation. Would Bella run away? Would this information scare her away from me forever? Like a coward, I wanted to know what would happen before I rolled the dice. I wanted a sure thing.

"Edward?" Her voice was small and unsure. She tugged on my hand, and I turned my gaze back to her beautiful face.

Raising my fingertips, I brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and cupped the soft skin of her cheek in my palm.

"Please." That single word was my undoing.

"Mate. You're my mate, Bella."

~~~8~~~8~~~


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

~~~8~~~8~~~

"Mate?" Her voice was sharp, her tone slightly clipped, as she asked her question.

"Yes." The rain fell softly all around the truck, pattering lightly in an other-worldly way leaving us in a universe all our own.

"Like Jasper and Alice, Rose and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme?" She held her entire body still.

"Yes." _Any minute now she's going to run, out of her truck, into her house and away from me forever,_ I thought.

"That's it?"

_That's it? Wasn't that enough?_ "Yes," I answered, a little less confidently this time.

"What does that mean, to be your mate?" _What was this emotion I saw in her eyes?_

I hesitated. How could I explain to her all the things that it could mean? "It means that, for me, there will never be another. I am here for you forever. You are my life now, Bella, and you always will be."

She sat there watching me. I took a small amount of comfort in the fact that she hadn't run…_yet._

"Edward . . ." I waited, but she didn't continue.

"Yes?" I prompted.

"Are you happy that I'm your . . . mate?"

_Happy that she . . . . What the bloody hell was she talking about?_

"Um . . ." I struggled to understand her question while at the same time attempting to formulate a response.

"What I mean to ask is . . . do you . . . want me to be your mate or would you rather it be . . . uh . . . someone else?" she asked nervously, biting her lip.

"Someone else? Bella, you ridiculous girl!" I was truly exasperated now.

"Don't talk down to me, Edward. I'm not a child anymore." She released my hand and crossed her arms in front of her chest. I missed the contact immediately.

"I'm sorry. You're right. That was insensitive of me. May I have your hand again, please?" I held my hand out to her, and she placed hers back in mine, waiting for an answer to her question.

"Truly, Bella, I want no other. I want you. I love . . . you." Her brown eyes gazed up into mine.

Her quick intake of breath is all that broke the silence that suddenly descended upon us. Her mouth stayed parted, and her face revealed her shock at my declaration.

"Bella, you don't have to . . . " Charlie's off-key sing-along with the radio in his cruiser reached my ears long before he rounded the corner towards where we sat in the driveway. "Charlie," I said and, faster than her eyes could follow, I stepped from the truck into the tree line.

Her father pulled up and exited his car, stopping to tap on the window beside her. "Bella? You fall asleep in there?"

"Wha . . . . No. I . . . uh . . . I'm just . . . thinking." She grabbed her backpack and climbed from the rusting behemoth.

"You okay?" Charlie asked her.

"Yeah, I just . . . uh . . . have a date." She continued up the steps and into the house, leaving Charlie slightly dumbfounded and standing stock still in the driveway. He reached for the gun on his hip reflexively and looked around, eyes scanning the place where I stood hidden, before following his daughter through the door.

"Bella, we need to talk about this . . . "

I let his voice trail off as I ran deeper into the forest. I knew what she had done. Bella was aware that I was still nearby and had said that for my benefit. She was telling me that she agreed to go out with me and she wasn't going to run from me screaming in fear.

I may or may not have leapt over several small trees as I made my way home.

888888888888888888

"Bella, it's alright. Everything will be fine." I comforted her again as I walked her to gym, her last class of the day and week, as it was Friday. I wouldn't be riding home with her tonight, but going home with my siblings so we could both prepare for our date tonight. I was determined to make a favorable impression on the chief this evening.

"But why do you have to come in and meet him? I told you he took his whole collection of guns out last night, right? They're spread all over the kitchen table!" She gestured wildly, flinging her arms around so much that I was afraid she'd hit either herself or someone else in her flailing.

"Because that is what a responsible young man with honorable intentions does to gain the respect of the father of his beloved," I explained. The abhorrent tendency of recent generations to allow a young man to pull up in front of a young lady's house and honk for her was truly tragic in my mind. The tradition offended my sensibilities, and I refused to be a part of it.

"But . . ." she began.

"Arguing will do you no good, my dear." I gave her a smirk and a peck on the cheek to smooth over my rigid stance on this point. Hopefully, the old saying about a spoonful of sugar helping the medicine go down would prove true here, and she would be able to swallow this bitter medicine, because I was not going to be moved. If that made me a controlling asshole, so be it.

Besides, I wanted to meet her parents face to face and talk to them. I had never lost my fascination with them, Charlie especially, and how they combined to bring such a rare and complicated creature as my Bella into the world.

I felt that it would be better to meet them now, on our first date, and earn their respect early on. And I had every intention of doing just that.

88888888888888888

Promptly at six p.m., I pulled up in front of the chief of police's house in my very nice, very safe, very respectable Volvo. Nothing screamed 'nice young man' like a Volvo.

Seconds after I knocked, Renee opened the door. "You must be Edward!" She was beside herself with happiness, her mind flitting to imaginings of Bella and me at prom, graduation and other teenage rites of passage. "Come in! Come in! Can I take your jacket? Would you like a drink? We have water or hot tea. It's a bit chilly out. Or perhaps a soda? What can I get you?" She fired off her questions faster than any human could be expected to answer. Fusing over me, she tried to take my coat and swept me toward the kitchen where I knew Charlie would be waiting, guns and cleaning materials out.

"No, thank you, Mrs. Swan." Charlie didn't stand as I walked into the kitchen. He did however look down the barrel of his shotgun under the guise of checking the sights, aiming the barrel only slightly wide and to the right of my head.

"Call me Renee, please! Mrs. Swan was my mother-in-law. Charlie, put that mess down! Bella's date is here," she chastised.

I walked up to him confidently and offered my right hand. "Good evening, Chief Swan. My name is Edward Cullen."

He took his time laying down his weapon, within reach I noticed, and wiping the gun oil from his hands while his eyes roamed over me looking for signs of rebellious delinquency.

I waited patiently under his scrutiny until he finally mirrored my gesture and clasped my hand to shake it. I played along with the squeeze he intended to be intimidating, shaking my hand slightly as he relinquished it. He smirked in satisfaction, confident, I'm sure, in the success of his efforts.

Renee fluttered around us, not sure what to do with herself. She wanted to ask me a thousand questions. I cringed when she remembered a discussion she'd had with Bella just minutes before about safe sex and the box of condoms she'd given her. This was not a memory I wanted to be a part of as I could see Bella's face and the obvious mortification she experienced as a result of her mother's assumptions.

I tuned out Renee's thoughts and focused on Charlie. "I believe you know my father, Carlisle Cullen, from your dealings with him in the emergency room. He speaks very highly of you." Never hurts to throw in a compliment, especially when it was true.

"Hmpf," he responded, seeing through the ploy. This was not a man who could be 'bullshitted' easily. There was a reason he was the chief.

I endeavored to listen to his quiet mind, but all I could hear from Charlie were vague rumblings of suspicion and accusation. However, I didn't need to hear all of his thought to understand what was most likely going through his head.

I was Bella's first real date. He saw me as any father would see a potential suitor for his only daughter. As far as he was concerned, I was a roue, a cad and a rogue, not to be trusted, here to steal away his most prized possession and rob her of her virtue. He would fear my intentions and question my honor. After all, he was once a seventeen-year-old boy himself.

My goal in life, second, of course, to loving Bella, was to earn this man's respect. It was as vital to me as keeping Bella safe. For her to be truly happy with _us,_ her father had to be happy with me. I would ensure that was the case. Never would he have cause to doubt either my word or deed.

"Yep. I know him." I waited for him to continue, but apparently he was finished.

"Thank you for allowing me the privilege of escorting Bella out tonight. We will be going to Port Angeles for dinner and, weather permitting, a stroll down the board walk. I'll have her back no later than ten." Actually, she'd be back by 9:45, so there was no room for suspicion.

"Edward? Dad!" I turned as Bella entered. She glared at her father and grabbed my hand, threading her fingers with mine. Eagle-eyed Charlie caught the gesture and raised his eyebrow at me.

"I swear to you I will return her to you in the same condition in which she is leaving." He would know that I meant that in every sense of the words.

He nodded at me and turned to his daughter. I faced Renee, giving Charlie the moment with Bella he obviously wanted.

Of course, I heard him whisper an inquiry about the pepper spray he'd put in her purse as I spoke, "Mrs. Swan . . . Renee, it was very nice to meet you." I shook her hand and made my way toward the front door with Bella at my side.

Charlie followed us. "It was a pleasure to meet you, sir," I said before allowing Bella to precede me out of the door. I opened the umbrella I'd left on the porch and held it over her as we made our way to the car. Very aware of their eyes still on us, I opened her car door and waited until she was comfortably seated before closing it and pulling the umbrella to cover myself. They would have no way of knowing that this behavior was normal for me. Only time would teach them that it wasn't just a performance.

As we pulled away Bella let out a huge sigh.

"That went well, I think," I said, but turned to find her staring at me incredulously. "What?"

She rolled her eyes and let her head drop onto the headrest behind her. "Oh, God! You should have just honked. It would have been so much less embarrassing."

I just chuckled and drove down the road, holding the love of my life's hand. I was truly and completely happy for the first time in my long, long memory.

~~~8~~~8~~~


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

~~~8~~~8~~~

Bella's fork clattered gently on her empty plate, and she sipped at the last of the soda in her glass. "Alright, Edward, no more stalling. I expect to have a real, full, uninterrupted conversation about this."

I wanted to play dumb and ask her to what 'this' she was referring, but it would have insulted her intelligence and mine. She wanted the full story about our mating.

"Ask what you will. I'll tell you anything you want to know," I offered as I handed the waitress the ticket and a couple twenties to cover our bill. "Keep the change."

Bella chewed her lip and considered which question she wanted answered first. "I have so many," she admitted as I helped her into her jacket and out of the restaurant.

When we were settled in the car, and I was driving to nowhere in particular she spoke again, "You told me what 'mating' means for you, but what does it mean for me? I'm human. Does it affect me the same way?"

"I'm not sure. Before you, Carlisle and I would have both said 'no' with a high degree of certainty. However, you have made us question a great number of things."

"How so?"

"Well, for one thing, you can feel the bond." I lifted our hands indicating the physical flow between us. "Before you, we would never have guessed that was possible."

She looked down at our hands. "It's an odd, but extremely pleasant, sensation. I…miss it, terribly, when you're not around. It's not quite but almost painful."

I nodded, acknowledging her assessment. "It's the same for me. I have no way of comparing what you feel and what I feel, but I would describe it in much the same way. I feel a need for physical contact with you."

I looked at her to gauge how she was taking the conversation so far. We hadn't covered any really new territory, but the next piece of information would challenge her.

"There is more though," she guessed.

Nodding again, I turned back to the road. "Yes. When…IF…we ever become intimate, it will…intensify. Coupling," that was as gentle a word as I could find, "strengthens the bond. Once that happens, a fully mated pair would rather die than live without each other. Often, if one of the pair is…destroyed, the other will soon follow, seeking death to be with the first in whatever afterlife might exist for our kind."

She was blushing furiously, and I could smell the blood rise in her cheeks. I inhaled the scent deeply, welcoming the familiar burning sensation, using it to distract me from the inevitable. Like all mated vampires, I had a sometimes overwhelming desire to consummate the bond.

She swiped at her cheeks, futilely trying to brush away the pink. "And would my humanity change that?"

"For me? Not likely. Everything I have experienced up to this point has been very predictable. _You_ are the great unknown here, the variable in this equation. As it stands now, I'm fairly certain you can walk away." I gazed across the car, to where she sat staring at me, the beautiful mauve still staining her face. I couldn't resist feeling the warmth of the color in her face under my fingers.

Taking her hand, I squeezed ever so lightly. "Bella, you have a choice. I don't want you to think that you don't. I'm not your only option. You're free to order me away and pursue a happy, human life with the person of your choosing."

"But what would happen to you?" her tone sounded worried.

"That is irrelevant. It should have no bearing on your decision making process. I want you to choose what you want, because you want it, not out of fear or coercion."

I hoped the look on my face was comforting, but I feared it was far closer to a grimace. The thought of her choosing anyone other than me made me rage with jealousy and hurt physically, but I would not force her into a choice she would later regret.

"Bella, this isn't a choice you have to make now. In fact, it's not something I want you to decide now. It shouldn't be made lightly. If you choose me, if you choose to follow me into immortality, there are consequences – far-reaching consequences you cannot imagine. The consequences will be painful, emotionally and physically. This decision is permanent in ways a human mind cannot conceive. Eternity is much, much longer than you can begin to envision."

"But it is an option?" she asked, sounding hopeful.

"But it's not the only option. Hear me, please, Bella. There are other options."

I needed her to consider all aspects of her decision and go into her future fully-informed. I think a part of me was hoping that, at some point, I would say something that would make her say 'enough' and walk away.

The thought of Bella suffering in any way was repugnant to me. If I could save her from suffering with no more expense than my life or my happiness, I would do so in a single beat of her heart.

"What other options are there?"

"You can choose me, but remain human. I'll remain by your side while you live a long and happy life and hold you as you pass away peacefully in your sleep at a very old age. It would be an honor to do so."

To my surprise, Bella started laughing. I looked at her, sure her thoughts had strayed from our discussion, because I found nothing funny about the topic.

"Seriously, Edward?" She laughed again. "You're not going to want me when I look like a grandma! You'll look young enough to be my great-grandson in that scenario." More laughing.

I turned the car back towards Forks. We had plenty of time to get her home before the curfew I'd set for us. I allowed myself several minutes to organize my thoughts.

"Bella, do you not understand my feelings for you . . . at all?"

She sobered considerably. "I'm sorry, Edward. I am," she soothed when I remained silent.

If she could not take my words seriously, I questioned whether she should be allowed to make this decision. Was I telling her all of this too soon? It had been less than a month since my 'return,' and I was asking her to choose between humanity and immortality. I doubted that any seventeen years old on the face of the earth was mature enough to make such a decision. At a hundred and seven, I would feel ill-equipped to choose if the tables were turned.

"Edward, please don't be angry with me. I'm sorry." She squeezed my hand in one of hers and combed the fingers of her other hand through my hair.

It was the first time she had touched me so intimately, and I felt myself lean into her hand against my will. I barely suppressed the satisfied growl I felt building in my chest.

"I'm not angry, Bella, but I'm worried that you're not taking this seriously."

She used the hand which had been in my hair to playfully pull down the corners of her mouth in a mock frown. "Okay, I'm ready," she said.

She was adorable, but it served only to add fuel to my fears. She was still a child in so many ways. How could there be anything compatible between us? The entire situation was ridiculous. I found myself cursing fate even as I loved the woman beside me more with every passing minute .

I was silent for a long time. I felt her humor subsiding. It was replaced with a sincere seriousness.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was small again.

"Bella," I sighed. "I love you so much, more than I think you can fathom, but there is so much you still don't know. This decision is life or death, do you understand that?"

She wrapped both of her hands around mine and turned her body almost completely sideways in her seat. "I'll make you a deal. I'll be totally serious if you promise to stop treating me like a child."

Looking over at her expression, both contrite and accusing, I said, "Deal. I'm sorry, too."

"Alright. So far my choices are one: vampire, two: human without you, and three: human grandma with you. Am I missing anything?"

"That sounds a bit over-simplified, but essentially, yes."

"Okay. I don't want to be without you. I disagree with you and Carlisle that I could at this point. I'm not sure that was ever an option for me, so option two is out. As for option three, I refuse to be an eighty-year-old with a seventeen-year-old boyfriend, even if I did buy it that you'd still want me, which I don't – just so you know."

"Bella!"

She held her hands up in surrender. "I'm not arguing. I'm just saying. So that leaves me with option one, vampire." She paused for a moment. and I waited to see what arguments she would come up with for and against.

"If I am changed, I get to be with you and stay young forever. That sounds pretty good."

"You list none of the consequences though," I pointed out.

"Tell me what they are." Finally she seemed to be truly listening.

"For one, every few decades, everyone you know will die. You will loose Charlie and Renee, your friends, everyone. And it will happen over and over again."

"I'd thought of that already. But kids aren't supposed to outlive their parents? I mean, even if I stay human, I'll most likely bury them when they get old and die. So that's not really unique to being a vampire. What else?"

I stumbled in my thoughts for a second. I hadn't really considered it that way, but I had to admit she was right.

"There's the change itself. It is three days of unimaginable pain, burning from within. You will scream and cry and wish for death a thousand times before the first hour is over, and it will only get worse over the next three days."

"But it does eventually end, right? I mean it totally sucks for seventy-two hours, but then it never happens again, right?"

"Uh…yes." I was unsure how best to respond in the face of her unflappable acquiescence.

"Anything else?"

"Thirst. Do you remember me telling you how your blood makes my throat burn? About how our diet never really satisfies us? It's like being hungry all the time. The draw to human blood, to make you a monster, a murderer, is strong and, sometimes, painful. And it never stops, not ever." Perhaps, I had finally reached an argument that would give her pause.

"Okay. Okay. That's bad. But…you and the rest of the family will help me, right? None of you are monsters. You live on the blood of animals and seem to be happy. If true happiness can be found despite the thirst, then it's worth it, isn't it? Wouldn't eternal and unconditional love trump unending thirst?"

God, she was good. She should be an attorney or maybe go into politics.

"We have to hide, from the sun, from society, from the world. We have to hide our natures, everything we are. You would have to give up your dream of visiting the desert and basking in the sun . . .forever."

"Not really. Think about it, Edward. We can't go to the desert and stand in the sun around humans, but the desert is a big place. Surely, we could find some corner of it without any people around and play in the sand, sparkles and all, just for a little while?"

"Yes. Yes, we could if that's what you want, love." I raised our hands to my lips and kissed her knuckles.

"Any more?" she prodded.

"Just the most important reason to remain human." I looked at her sideways. She would most likely laugh again and call me foolish, but about this point, I was more deadly serious than any of the others. "Your soul. Bella, I don't know what, if anything, await our kind once our existence is brought to an end. Hell seems most likely to me."

I stopped to see if she was laughing or hiding a grin. To my great satisfaction, she was doing neither. She listened intently and seriously.

"I've killed, Bella, a lot. Most of us have. What type of salvation is possible for monsters like me? And if the answer is 'none,' how can I initiate you into damnation? If the roles were reversed, could you destroy my soul?"

There it was- my greatest fear laid out between us.

"No, I couldn't." My dead heart dropped to my feet with her words. "But your premise is bad. You're assuming 'none' is the answer. What if it isn't? Look at Carlisle. He's never killed anyone. Is he damned too? Just for being something other than human? Would the same God who created the shark with the baby seal not accept a different kind of hunter?"

I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up her hand to stop me. "I know what you're going to say. You're not Carlisle. You've killed. But you have faith too, don't you?

"Doesn't it say in Romans that man is justified by faith, not works? I know you believe, Edward. I know you pray. So where is your faith now? Don't you believe that Christ came to bear the sins of many? Can't you believe and put your trust in Him? I trust Him with you. Can you trust Him with me?"

I sat, dumbfounded by her. This amazing woman never ceased to astound me? Would all of eternity be spent this way, with me sitting in awe of her?

"Don't look so stunned. I listen in church, Edward, and Angela is one of my best friends. I've had a religious conversation or two in my life, or didn't you hear those?" She was teasing me now.

I had no idea what to say.

"Okay?"

I just nodded mutely. In a hundred years, Carlisle hadn't accomplished with all his arguing, what Bella had managed in seconds. I wasn't yet convinced, but I was questioning my previous assumptions.

"Hmmm….vampire it is then," she said as we pulled into her driveway.

"This decision is far from final, Bella. But I'll admit that you've given me some things to think about," I conceded. "I hope that you will think more about this. It is a very grave decision."

"I will, Edward. I promise." She brushed a stray lock from my face before we walked hand in hand to stand at her front door. I kissed her cheek, knowing Charlie was watching out the peep hole. I whispered in her ear that I would see her in a few minutes after I took my car home. I couldn't wait to get back to her as I drove away.

Even if we still had much to discuss, my feelings about the whole conversation boiled down to just four words: She chose me-forever.

~~~8~~~8~~~


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

~~~8~~~8~~~

As I pulled my car into the garage, I heard Rosalie's guarded thoughts. She stood leaning against my Vanquish with a wrench in her hand. She was toying with whether to do damage to me or the car. She was leaning toward me since she valued the car a little more.

"Funny," I told her dryly.

She shrugged and showed me what Alice had told her about the conversation she'd seen Bella and I having and its outcome.

"I know, Rose. But haven't we been through this before?" I was tiring of her negativity. If there were a way to keep Bella human and still be with her forever, I'd do it.

She scuffed the ground with the heel of her shoe as she debated whether to show me her next thoughts. She watched her leather boot move around the dust until she came to the conclusion that I'd always guarded her secrets . . . until recently . . . and, even then, I didn't really say anything Emmett didn't already know. Regardless, she trusted so few people and those only so far.

I waited patiently, hearing her internal struggle. I wanted to get back to Bella, but what Rose wanted – and didn't want – to tell me was important to her, important enough to trust me with something painful. I could hear the breath catch in her throat as she tried not to think about what it was before she was ready.

Pulling myself up to sit on the hood of the Volvo, I fiddled with my keys and waited. Finally, she relented. Taking a deep breath, she fixed her piercing eyes on mine and let me see her mind.

I watched some familiar hazy scenes: her holding her human friend's son, Royce and his friends tearing up her insides, the moment after her change when she was lucid enough from the blood lust to hear Carlisle tell her of the barrenness of her dead body. The scene changed to the unfamiliar. I saw Rosalie alone in the forest running and running and running and . . . growling and raging and screaming. I saw the destruction in her wake-trees felled, boulders destroyed, the earth gouged with her fury-then Rosalie as I'd never seen her, caked with mud and filth, huddled and shaking in a cave, crying fountains of phantom tears.

I cleared my throat in emotional discomfort. These were things I wasn't meant to see. No one was. But the intensity of her gaze increased, and I could see in her posture the steel of her resolve.

Next, I saw Rosalie, wrapped in Emmett's arms-apologizing, begging for forgiveness for changing him, for taking away any chance he ever had at having a son, for not being able to bear that son for him. I could hear his words back to her, comforting her telling her that he didn't need anyone but her, but I also heard her doubts when she listened to his insisting plea. She wanted a child so badly, his child.

As the awkwardness of her memories grew, she dropped her gaze again, and I saw a fleeting glimpse of something she tried hard not to remember. A pillow tucked under her shirt, Emmett rubbing her false belly, then a baby in her arms.

My Bella.

I watched her pretend with Emmett that Bella was theirs, Emmett indulging her fantasy with sadness and love in his eyes. I dropped my gaze from hers, wanting to give her a sense of privacy that didn't really exist.

Finally, I saw her rocking a growing Bella in her arms and singing an unfamiliar lullaby. Rosalie began to hum it as she leaned against my car, and the small sound filled the garage. In her mind, the words changed. Instead of a lullaby, it became a lament.

She mourned the death of all her possibilities, a baby that would never be. The song was desolate and raw, not just in the words and emotions behind it, but somehow the notes coming from her throat behind her closed lips carried the strain and the depth of her grief – an auditory manifestation of something that could never be communicated in mere words. That kind of pain required sounds that refused to be pushed into the parameters that letters and syllables insisted upon.

Her song came abruptly to an end and even as the last note hung in the air around us, she simply laid the wrench on the work bench and walked away, her gaze never returning to mine again.

As I ran toward my beloved, I cleared my throat unnecessarily to rid myself of the lingering emotions. Rosalie was more clever than people gave her credit for. She knew what those sounds would do to me. She knew that I'd seen thousands of images of pain and suffering and regret in the hundreds and hundreds of minds I'd come across in my century on this earth.

Purely for self-preservation, I'd learned to push away other people's pain and distance myself from it. No one can carry the weight of that much suffering. Rosalie knew that, but she also knew my weakness. She knew that long after the images of her pain were crowded into the back of my mind with millions of others, the sound of her song wouldn't be.

Her music, her lament was crafted of raw and ragged notes and was stranger still for having been produced by the lilting voice of a vampire. She knew those haunting, disturbing notes would stick, stay in my head and between my ears, ensconced in my eardrums until I was forced to exorcise them…somehow.

I pressed the heels of my hands to my ears, my fingers wrapped around my head, as I ran, shutting my eyes briefly against their sound as they chased me like a demon through the fires of hell.

When I finally came to a stop, I stood on the ground below Bella's window for a moment in indecision. _I can leave now, run away, save Bella – my Juliet – from the inevitable death she was careening towards. Or I can climb that wall and walk with her into our hereafter of immortality._ But which was right? Which was I capable of doing?

"Fuck!" I cursed Rosalie and the notes she'd shoved into my ears like an errant bug with its buzzing wings, threatening madness if I didn't make it stop.

_Make it stop. _

_Make it stop. _

_Make it stop. _

_Make it . . . ._

"Edward? Stay. Don't go." And it stopped. Before I made the conscious choice, I was beside Bella's bed ridding myself of the rain dampened jacket. I climbed into bed beside her sleeping, dreaming form and pulled her to me.

She woke slowly and twisted in my arms until she faced me. We lost ourselves in each others eyes for moment until her hand found my face.

"Why so sad?" she asked.

I watched the movement as I laid my hand on her belly and looked into her eyes. For a long minute, I was unable to articulate anything, the buzzing song in my ear returning, until Bella laid her hand on top of mine.

Pressing on her slightly, I convinced her to lie on her back. I scooted a few inches closer to her and took a deep breath, preparing. "I know we talked about this tonight, Bella, but I need you to think about something else."

I pressed my hand slightly harder into her belly and could feel her uterus, alive and well, under my fingers.

"Make no mistake, Bella. A human must die to become a vampire. Your body will die. What's in _here_ will die." I paused briefly to make sure she understood what I was trying to tell her before I continued. I took a deep breath and resolved to say it as bluntly as possible so there would be no misunderstanding. "There will be no children, ever, for you if you are changed. All the possibilities that are alive here will die." I pressed on her once more to punctuate my words.

Once again Bella surprised me. I feared that, in girlish romanticism, she would merely profess her undying love, insisting I was all she'd ever need. But if she had done so I could never be sure that she took seriously my warning.

I gave Bella too little credit.

Her hand came back to my cheek. "That is very grave." She breathed deeply, and I felt myself relax, knowing that she would not be dismissing this concern so quickly. I watched her eyes as her mind worked. "Not that we have to decide this now, but we have options, right? I mean, I'm not a vampire . . . yet. I could still have a baby . . . if we wanted."

"Bella, I can't…"

She placed her fingers over my lips. "I know, but there's always adoption or surrogacy or artificial insemination, right?" She blushed crimson as we discussed our future in terms of a possible pregnancy after having just completed our official first date. It felt like we were missing all the steps in between, but she needed to know these before she was too deeply enmeshed in this relationship. She needed the option to walk away.

"Yes," was my only answer. I fought against the jealousy that raged in me at the thought of another man's child within her. _Her child. Her options. Her needs. Her desires._ That was all that was important. Nothing mattered but her.

"I promise to consider it fully. Is that enough for now? We have time don't we?"

The vision of our wedding streamed through my mind - Bella, a vampire at eighteen, just a year away, maybe a little more if she was closer to nineteen- the blink of an eye to a vampire.

My mind protested the time limit. Alice's visions were subjective. They weren't set in stone. Surely, we could delay her change.

_Yes. Yes, we could, we would._

I would make sure of it. If Bella wanted more time so that she could have a child or ten, I swore I would make that happen.

"Yes, love. We have all the time in the world." I kissed her palm. I pressed my lips to her wrist, inhaling the burning fire of her blood's scent. I slid her arm across my lips and used it to pull her up onto her side.

I whispered to her gently, breathing over her face, "May I kiss you, Bella?"

"God, yes," she exhaled.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and slid her up my side. I relished watching her as I lifted my head until our lips met. Her eyes fluttered closed, and we spent an immeasurable amount of time brushing lip against lip, exhaling and inhaling each other's breath.

Sliding my hand up her back and into her hair, I cradled the back of her head and pressed our lips more firmly together. She whimpered lightly and opened her mouth against mine, her tongue peeking out to touch my top lip.

I reveled in the hot breath and faint moisture that she left behind. She repeated the process on my bottom lip, pressing her tongue more flatly against my lip, tasting, I think.

I squeezed her more tightly against me, and she responded by hitching her leg over mine. A growl began in my throat. The need to consummate the bond grew, instinct overriding thought processes. My fingers still tangled in her hair, I massaged her scalp to keep from kneading the flesh of her thigh where it lay against my groin.

She attempted to press the soft, pink tip of her tongue between my lips. Everything in me screamed to open up to her, to give her everything she was asking for and more, and make her mine in every way.

Instead, I turned away. Her tongue left a wet trail across my cheek to my ear before she realized what I'd done.

"Edward? What's wrong? Was I . . . terrible?" I turned back to find her face flaming in embarrassment. She tried to withdraw from me, pushing against my chest and pulling her leg away. I grabbed her thigh and held it where it was.

"No, love, never. You are perfect in every way. It's me . . . the venom. I have no idea what it will do to you. I won't do anything to harm you."

"With a kiss?" she was confused.

"The wetness of my mouth is not like yours." I pressed my finger to her lips dragging it down so that her bottom lip pouted out, and I felt the moisture from her mouth on the tip of my finger.

"A vampire's venom causes paralysis and, if not drained of blood, transformation in his victim. I don't know what effect it will have on you if it comes into contact with your skin- let alone if you . . . ingested some through a kiss."

She held my gaze for a long moment. I was unable to decipher her thoughts from the look in her eyes, her silent mind taunting me, yet again. After some time, she sat up beside me. When I joined her in sitting upright, she held out her hand to me, palm up, and calmly said, "Lick me."

~~~8~~~8~~~


	19. Bonus material: Rosalie's Lament

**AitA Outtake**

_**Rosalie's Lament: The Baby in My Arms**_

Soft and sweet

Sleeping dreamily

Dreaming prettily

Sighing silkily

The baby in my arms

Is someone else's

Not mine

Tiny and fragile

More breakable than anyone knows

So docile

So tiny

The baby in my arms

Isn't mine

Never mine

Watch her grow

See her strive

Trip and fall

Get up and rise

The baby in my arms

Doesn't belong to me

Can't be mine

Smell her hair

Listen to her heart

Pitter Patter

Thump-Whadump

The baby in my arms

Will never be

Can't ever be

Dress her up

Lay her down

Rock her gently

Love her totally

The baby in my arms

Isn't

Won't

Not mine

Hers

Or theirs

One day: his

The baby in my arms

Will never be

Mine

Can I love her

Then let her go?

Love her as a mother

Then accept her as a sister?

The baby in my arms

Needs a chance

To hold her own

Protect her life

Give her choices

That I have not

A chance to have

The baby in her arms

Be hers

And hers alone


	20. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

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"I'm sorry, what?" I stared at her with my mouth agape. Surely, I had heard her incorrectly.

"I said, 'Lick me.'" She pushed her hand toward me again for emphasis, eyebrows raised, waiting expectantly. The look on her face left no doubt in my mind that she was deadly serious.

"Bella, I'm not licking you." _God help me._ If I started, I wasn't sure I could stop. Between her blood and her body, I was sure at least one of my instincts would go into overdrive and I'd either bite her or make love to her. I was honest enough with myself to be able to say that I desperately wanted to do both.

"Think of it as a scientific experiment. You have two medical degrees, right? Not to mention super-human sight and smell and whatever else you've got going on there, so you should be able to tell if my skin is affected in any way by the venom . . . provided you LICK ME." She was becoming annoyed at my hesitancy and shook her hand in front of me, her eyebrows raised nearly to her hairline.

I stared at her for a few more seconds, making sure that she was indeed serious. I honestly didn't think the mere contact of my venom with her skin would harm her in any way. I was more worried about the kissing, but she had a point about this being a worthwhile experiment.

I lifted her hand and turned it so that her fingers pointed toward the ceiling, palm facing me. Taking my time, I folded down all of her fingers but the first one.

"You're sure?" I asked, hoping somewhere down in me that she would back out, but not really wanting her to.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Edward." The tone in her voice let me know she was growing weary at the delay.

Without further prodding, I pulled her hand toward me, leaning forward at the same time. I allowed the flat of my tongue to run from the base of her finger to the tip.

The taste of her skin immediately intoxicated me. I lost sight of the entire purpose of the experiment. My eyes closed, and I heard the moan from my chest as I slid her finger into my mouth and closed my lips around it, drawing it slowly out again with the slightest bit of suction, pulling her blood rose closer to the surface. The flavor she left on my tongue combined with the scent of her blood, and I felt drunk until, suddenly, a smell unlike any other I'd detected from her before swirled around in my senses mixing and mingling with her skin and her blood. Not until her next utterance did I realize what it was – her arousal.

Her softly breathed, "Oh, my God," brought me back to myself, and I pressed a lazy kiss to the pad of her finger before entwining them together with mine and laying our hands on the bed between us.

"So…" she croaked, then cleared her throat and tried again. "No ill effects then?"

I looked down at her hand and, as expected, her skin bore no mark from my venom. "No, I guess not."

"Right, then." She nodded, getting back to business. "Okay, so we need to know if it has any effect on my mouth."

"Bella," I said miserably, knowing how frayed my control was in that moment. She was oblivious to the danger I posed to both her health and her virtue.

"We can just start small, 'kay?" She put her hand on my cheek again. I murmured my acceptance.

She began by moving toward me, unfolding her legs from where she had been sitting Indian-style. She tugged on my ankles, indicating I should do the same. She couldn't have moved me a millimeter, but I complied with her request. Immediately, she moved her legs so that they rest on either side of me and scooted so that her thighs were over mine and her ankles crossed behind me. My arms instinctively wrapped around her, and it was a hard-won battle to stop the urge to press her to me from her shoulders to her pelvis.

I pleaded with her again. "Bella, I really don't think..."

"Well, I can't exactly kiss you from three feet away, now can I?" she said by way of explanation. The only coherent thought that made its way into my brain was that this beautiful, fragile woman was going to be the death of me in one way or another.

"Now," she began once she was settled with her arms around my neck. Blushing, she said, "Just tongue to tongue." She stuck out just the soft, pink tip, and I groaned, letting my head fall back and my eyes close.

"Bella, you're killing me here."

"Edward . . . please." Her voice was sad and unsure. I raised my head again to look at her eyes and saw her lip between her teeth again. I reached with my thumb and gently pulled it loose. "Please, I want to be able to kiss you."

What was playful turned serious with that tiny plea. This was important to her. It wasn't just about lighthearted testing and relentless flirting. This was about her desire, her need, to show me physically how she felt about me.

I knew exactly what she was feeling, because I felt it myself, only so much stronger. The drive to consummate was much the same. I needed to show her how I loved her, how I intended to worship her with my mouth, my hands, my body.

I couldn't deny her this simple gesture. We would proceed with her test, and if all was safe, she could have what she asked for. Perhaps, it would fulfill that need for me a little as well.

I nodded at her again. We moved toward each other, closing the small distance, until my tongue touched hers lightly, the tips just stroking up and down against each other.

Her taste was warm and wet and sweet, much like I imagined her blood would be. Somehow that realization made the bloodlust lessen, satisfying the hunger just a bit.

"More," she whispered before her tongue made a sweep against mine, dipping into my mouth slightly.

I drew back quickly, afraid she would cut herself on my teeth. "Careful," I warned.

"I know." She never opened her eyes, but sunk her fingers into my hair and attempted to pull us back together. Her tongue made another pass, and it occurred to me that it would be safer if I was the aggressor, so to speak, in this scenario.

I pressed her tongue away from the danger of my teeth with my own, following it back into her mouth, sweeping, tasting, feeling. The more of her I had, the more I wanted.

Her whole body rolled against me like a wave swelling then falling away again, first her mouth, then her chest, rolling her torso into me abdomen to abdomen until finally her pelvis tilted and the warmest part of her rolled forward into the hardest part of me.

When I felt the muscles of her back contract to begin the wave again, I pulled away from her and laid my forehead against hers. "I only have so much control, love. I think we've tested the limits enough for now."

She was breathing deeply and deliberately, but didn't waste breath answering me. I felt her head move against mine as she nodded. Neither of us moved, however. It felt too good, too right, to hold her so intimately. I pulled her into my chest and buried my face into her neck, nudging her hair out of the way with my nose. My lips came in contact with a spot on her neck that curved and dipped just so. I could feel the pulse of her rapidly-beating heart against my lips, so I pressed them harder into her flesh. I measured my own life in those beats, that rhythm.

_This is where I'll bite her._ The thought came unbidden to my mind.

"Bella," I called her name, wanting the sound of it to chase away all the fears that thought brought with it.

"Hmm?"

"You need sleep, my angel." I kissed the spot in a weak and watered down version of a promise not to do it any harm. I was lying to myself and doing such a poor job of it that even I didn't believe me.

I maneuvered us until we were lying down again. I held her to my chest, her head on my shoulder, hand over my heart.

"Good night, Edward. I love you." She gave me a chaste kiss, then snuggled against me.

"I love you too, Bella." Pulling the quilt around her more tightly, I kissed her hair and sang the lullaby that was hers and hers alone until sleep took her away from me.

In the darkness, I allowed the dichotomy in my mind play itself out without interruption. Both freedom and calm were mine. The beast who wanted the blood and body of the woman beside me could revel in her nearness. Within the confines of my imagination, the beast could entertain thoughts of the ease with which she could be overtaken, whether unto death or consummation.

In the dark quiet of the night, my baser instincts could flex their muscles and were yet calmed by the relative silence of all the minds around me. The dreaming mind was equally active as the waking one, but required less effort to ignore. The disjointed and nonsensical pictures that floated through my head from the minds of those around me seemed more like the thousands of leaves in a forest – fluttering, waving, flicking in the wind, but all together made up a kind of back drop to the night's stillness.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sink into the hum of humanity's collective dreaming, attempting to meditate away the lusts warring within me. Matching my breathing to Bella's, I listened to her heart beat time like the metronome atop my piano. I composed a symphony to its steady rhythm, penning the story of our love on the treble cleft.

My fingers tapping the notes against my thigh, I was caught off guard by the next thought that weaved its way slowly into my consciousness.

_Oh, shit! What the hell is that smell? God, it stinks! _an unfamiliar mind thought.

Whoever it was, was getting closer. Through his eyes – for it was definitely a male – I could see the forest as he picked his way through it. I could hear the sound of a dog with him. His perception of whatever he smelled was something he considered truly foul. I wondered idly if he'd happened upon an old kill of ours that didn't get buried properly, but dismissed that thought knowing we never hunted that close to Bella's house or to any house really.

_What the hell IS it?_ he thought.

He seemed to be trailing the scent now. I felt fairly certain that he was using the dog to follow it. The snuffling and snorting was much louder in his ears and mind, and they were moving faster through the forest, bobbing and weaving along an unseen trail of stench.

I turned my face into Bella's hair and breathed deeper of her sweet smell, off-setting the disgust from the only coherent thoughts streaming in from those around us. I savored the burn and felt a small liberty to taste again what she'd offered me earlier.

Allowing myself only the smallest and briefest of indulgences, I complied with her previous instructions, dipping my head and licking the skin just on the rounded curve of her shoulder trailing to where the river of her blood flowed through her jugular. Sweet ambrosia filled my senses, and I all but forgot about the man and his scent-filled mission until suddenly I was looking up at Bella's window through the eyes of a stranger.

Before I realized what I was doing, I had changed position to cover Bella's entire body with my own, a cage of protection around her. Barely stifling a growl, I concentrated on the man's thoughts completely. Every one of my heightened senses centered on his every sound, scent and movement.

I didn't dare rise to glance out the window for fear of drawing more attention to Bella. Nothing mattered to me more than her safety. I silently demanded him to look into a widow to see if I could catch a reflection.

Slowly, I realized that what I was hearing and seeing didn't match. I heard only the softly padding paws of the dog at his side, but through his eyes, I looked around at the forest, then up at the window, back down to the ground, then up the wall I'd scaled only a few hours before.

My fingers were dialing faster than the phone in my hand was capable of.

"Carlisle? We need to meet with the tribe as soon as possible. At least one of them has shifted and knows where I am."


	21. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

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"Excuse me?" Bella's voice was shrill, and her hand flew to her jutted out hip. I had definitely done something seriously wrong.

"Bella, please, be reasonable."

"Reasonable?!" I'm not sure a human could have heard her voice at that point. The pitch was so high that only an animal or a vampire could hear it.

Her pointer finger flew up in the air before she spoke in a much lower and far more dangerous tone. "Let me tell you something right now, Edward," she said, spitting out my name like a curse. "I don't give one rat's ass how much older you are; you don't get to tell me what I am _allowed_ to do. Got that?" She poked me in the chest, and I let her push me back with the motion, fearing she'd break her finger otherwise.

I wanted to back pedal, but I also needed her to understand the gravity of the situation. "Perhaps, I used the wrong word."

"No shit, Sherlock," I heard Emmett chuckle from the couch. Similar thoughts ran through the minds of all my family members.

Bella threw him a glare, and I was briefly relieved to have the heat of her stare off me. My thoughts were scrambling, trying to find a way to get myself out of the hot water I'd unwittingly plunged myself into.

I'd always wondered how Emmett managed to get himself into such predicaments with Rosalie and often chided him for not filtering his thoughts before they left his mouth. Apparently, there was a variable in the equation I hadn't understood before.

Thankfully, my father had mercy on me. "While I'm normally inclined to allow the two of you some privacy for this conversation, I'm afraid we have no time.

"Bella, dearest, you have every right to be a part of this meeting. However, we can safely assume that one or more wolves will be in attendance. It would be irresponsible for us to take you into such an unpredictable and, quite probably, dangerous situation. I'm sorry, but I need to ask you to sit this one out. Please trust that we will let you know everything that happens."

Bella folded her arms across her chest and glared at me as she sat back down into the overstuffed chair beside me. "You could've just said THAT, Edward."

"Duly noted, love." I knelt beside her and gazed into her eyes.

She kept her arms crossed over her chest, still angry. "You can't boss me around. Just talk to me, Edward. I'm not a child any more. If you and I are going to work, you have to treat me as your equal. Can't you understand that?"

"Of course, Bella. I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

Rosalie snorted behind me. I didn't have the patience for her in that moment. Warning her to back off, I growled softly so that Bella wouldn't hear.

The warning, however, went unheeded, and Rosalie let her tongue fly. "Oh, shut it, Eddie. That's the only good thing to come out of this whole damn mess. We finally get someone who can deal with your emo, OCD ass-and all the overbearing, controlling bullshit that goes with it. Give him hell, Belly Button!"

Bella's smiled brilliantly at Rose, then looked at me, still crouched on the floor near her knees. Finally, she uncrossed her arms and offered me her hand. I took it in mine with great relief and kissed her knuckles.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Carlisle interrupted again to explain the situation with the tribe to Bella. He described the long standing treaty between the tribe and our family, how the tribe learned of our existence, and the wonder that he had felt after learning that the wolves had reappeared after two generations without any.

Carlisle had scheduled a meeting with them to discuss the particulars of this new development and my presence in the Swan household. By telling her parents she was playing baseball with my family and me, we were able to arrange for Bella to stay at the house with Esme and Rosalie while the rest of us met with the tribe.

Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and I arrived at the meeting place along the northern boundary of the reservation. The tribe was represented by Chief Billy Black, Harry Clearwater and Old Quil Ateara and two wolves.

"Chief Black, it's good to see you again," Carlisle began as he offered his hand to the man in the wheelchair. Billy just looked at it. They were all silent except for the wolves, who stood on either side of the group rumbling with low growls.

A strapping, but very young, man – perhaps only fifteen – stood behind the chief's chair. It was Jacob, Billy's son and future tribal chief.

Carlisle withdrew his hand. "I assure you we mean no harm to any of you." He looked at the chief again and smiled sincerely. _Edward, please, I need something to sit on._

My father wanted nothing more than to earn their trust. He asked for something to sit on to even the subconscious inequity of his physically towering over the man in the wheelchair. In the blink of an eye, I located a fallen tree and brought to him. He sat on it with an open and relaxed posture.

"You look remarkably like your grandfather," he told Billy. "He was a good man . . . and wise. I admired his ability to govern his people so fairly and with such compassion. I strive to be like him with my own family."

Carlisle gestured to us, ignoring the chief's "harumph".

None of them spoke for several moments. They were waiting and watching, wanting us to make a mistake and show a hint of violence or wildness.

"May I reacquaint you with my family?" He pointed to each of us as he called our names. In turn, we stepped forward and offered a silent greeting, waving or nodding, but were met only with stares.

"I believe we have two matters to discuss," Carlisle stated and waited for the Chief's acknowledgement before elaborating. Ninety seconds passed while Billy merely gazed at him.

Carlisle waited patiently, a soft smile on his face.

Finally, Billy looked to his left at the larger of the two wolves, raising his eyebrows and ever so slightly nodding his head in our direction. We tensed, thinking he was signaling an attack, but held our position.

Jasper sent out a giant wave of calm. I gestured with my hand next to my thigh, telling him he had misinterpreted. The chief was merely asking the wolf to indicate which of us he'd smelled the night before. One of the wolves pointed at me with his muzzle. I gathered from Billy's thoughts that the wolf's name was Sam.

Billy turned back to Carlisle. "Why was that one at the Swan's place last night?"

The tribe was unaware that I had been in the Swan home on a regular basis for the last seventeen years. We knew there might come a time when this information would need to be revealed but until now, as far as the tribe was concerned, our arrival in Forks happened only weeks ago.

_Are you ready?_ Carlisle silently asked.

I nodded and stepped forward. "I was there because of Bella. She is . . . important . . . to me. I protect her. I always have."

Billy's thoughts became more suspicious. "Explain," he demanded.

Taking a deep breath, I continued, "I was in Bella's room last night watching over her . . . in the same place I have been for seventeen years."

"Why?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. He wanted to know from whom I was protecting her. Specifically, he wanted to know if there were other vampires near and if they were after Bella.

I pondered what to tell him. If I told him too much, he could nullify the treaty, which would lead to a war between us and endanger Bella. This, I could not abide. However, I had to tell him something.

"Because . . . I love her. She knows I'm there. She wants me there with her. I will watch over her until the day she dies." _And beyond,_ I finished to myself.

"You intend to change her?" he asked perceptively, spawning twin growls from the wolves.

"Not without consent," I said and left it at that.

He interpreted my answer somewhat egotistically, replying, "We do not give it. You know the terms of the treaty. It is violated if you bite a human, no matter the ultimate end to your _victim_." He enunciated the last word carefully. Neither he or the treaty made any allowances for circumstance.

In truth, I had meant Bella's consent, not the tribe's, but chose not to belabor the point and merely nodded.

"I'd like to discuss . . ." Carlisle began, gesturing one hand toward each wolf. "I hadn't realized that the gene had resurfaced. I assumed the gene was completely dormant. How interesting, you have not one, but two, wolves when there were none for two generations."

Carlisle's thoughts swirled at the medical marvel of the people opposite us. The science of it fascinated him.

I was about to clear my throat to get him back on track when I heard a startling, errant thought from one of the elders. Harry Clearwater was smug as he thought, _Four wolves._

I was shocked. We knew of no generation with more than three wolves.

"How long has it been since their first shift?" I asked, interrupting Carlisle.

"Long enough," the chief answered vaguely, but his thoughts told me that Sam's transformation occurred two weeks prior and the wolf on his right, Jared, had changed for the first time just three days before the meeting.

Harry's thoughts told the rest of the story. The other two wolves were still in the midst of their fever and, therefore, not stable enough to leave their homes. The elders doubted that Sam and Jared could be completely relied upon to maintain control, but the elders were sufficiently intimidated by us that they risked bringing them.

"We can help," I said quickly. No one would be happy with me revealing too much of my hand this early in the game, but I was wagering that the help we could give would strengthen the tenuous peace between us. I needed the tribe as my ally to ensure Bella's safety on all fronts.

"We need no help from the cold ones," Chief Black responded indignantly.

"Sam was first then Jared less than a week ago. The other two, Embry and Paul," I picked the names out of Harry's thoughts, "are still suffering from the fever, but you know what's coming. There are four in this generation, maybe more." I looked back to Billy.

"That's what you're worried about, isn't it, Chief Black? You're worried that Jacob's turn is coming." It was more a hope than a worry.

"Let us help," I offered again. "We know the stories your grandfathers told us and we are as strong as they are. I know you're worried about someone getting hurt. Sam and Jared can help, and they have been, but how many more boys about this age are there on the reservation? How many more are on the brink of fever?

"We don't want to be your enemies. Let us be your friends. Please, let us help."

A sudden flash of anger burst from Jacob, and he yelled, "Friends? Help? It's your fault they're like this! It's your fault that we're turning. And no one knows who's next? We all sit around waiting, dreading, wondering whose life is going to be changed forever. Help? It's all your fault!"

Jacob's tirade had carried him from behind his father's chair and much closer to us than any of the elders were comfortable with. Both wolves leapt forward, flanking Jacob and growling viciously. Jasper and Emmett matched their positions beside me, crouched and growling with as much ferocity.

Chief Black propelled his chair forward over the rough terrain. "Jacob! Get back now!" I didn't have to be a mind-reader to hear his fear.

"Jazz, Em, back off." I spoke softly and calmly. They reluctantly acquiesced, but maintained their positions on either side of me.

"What do you mean 'our fault'?" Carlisle asked, attempting divert the focus away from the potential violence.

"Why do you think they've shifted?" Jacob asked incredulously. "You show up, and BAM!" he yelled and flung his arms out wide, "There's four of them! Four wolves shifting in a matter of weeks? That's not exactly a coincidence, _doctor_!" His voice dripped with sarcasm at Carlisle's title. "You said it yourself-there haven't been any wolves in nearly three generations. That is until you show up, and there's so damn many of you fucking freaks of nature; it's no wonder that our genes have gone all ape-shit!"

Silence weighed heavily on us following Jacob's rant. Carlisle and Billy each stared into the other's eyes. My father was aghast that we could be responsible for a fate these young men found so distasteful. The Chief regretted Jacob's losing control and revealing their thoughts to us, but wasn't the least bit sorry for what they believed to be true. He held us responsible and was happy to place the blame where he believed it belonged.

_Could it be possible? Our presence caused the gene, once latent, to reactivate…and with such plentitude? _Carlisle mused as he returned Billy's gaze.

"Chief Black, if this is the case, that we have unwittingly caused the shifting of so many young men, we are so sorry. It was never our intention." Carlisle paused, at a loss for words to express his regret. He turned to the two wolves, now standing together in front of their fellow tribe members. "We are truly and deeply sorry."

I caught the flashes of faces in Sam's mind and his words of pain. _Leah. You'll never be sorry enough for what you've made me do to her._

I continued to listen to his self-flagellation over the girlfriend he loved. I listened further, unable to understand exactly what had happened.I heard Jared break into Sam's thoughts and was startled at my discovery.

"What does it mean to imprint?" I asked, picking out the unfamiliar word from what Jared was saying in an attempt to comfort Sam. "Who is Emily?"

Sam growled viciously, and I was hyper-aware that I was treading on dangerous ground by simply speaking her name. Sam obviously felt extremely protective of her.

"How do you know Emily?" Harry asked.

"I don't."

"Why would you ask those questions?" the chief questioned.

"Sam imprinted on Emily," I stated simply, picking the details from the thoughts swirling around me. "It's not your fault, Sam. No one here blames you." It was with great pain that he wondered about how Harry truly felt about him and what he'd done to Leah.

"What are you doing?" Billy asked.

"It seems we have much more in common than we thought," I ventured. "As you know, the wolves can hear each other's thoughts. The truth is I can hear you, too," I confessed. "Not just the wolves. I can hear all of you, all of us." I gestured both in front and behind me, indicating everyone present.

Gasps erupted from both sides. The tribe had no idea we had any enhanced abilities beyond the superhuman strength and speed all vampires had. My family was aghast that I revealed this information to them.

"Our kind is not so different. We have a kind of imprinting of our own, though we refer to it as 'mating.' Every one of us has been through the mating process."

Billy's eyes narrowed on us. "There are only seven of you."

"I know. Chief Black, please understand, we have no more choice than Sam did. Carlisle has Esme; Emmett has Rosalie. Alice and Jasper are mated."

I paused at the influx of emotion I felt, thinking about Bella. My fist went to my chest, and I rubbed the knuckles over the place where my dead heart lay, trying to assuage the clenching feeling there that strained towards her. "I, too, have mated."

After a moment to think it through, he said, "Bella." Billy's voice was resigned as he spoke her name. This was something he could understand. He'd watched the tragedy left behind after Sam's imprinting and the devastation felt by both Leah and Sam.

His thoughts were deeply sympathetic toward the large, black wolf standing in front of him.

"She knows," Chief Black stated.

It wasn't a question. I nodded.

"About you. About us? About everything?"

"Yes," I said, my tone indicating that the word was sufficient for all his inquiries.

"Does she wish to be…" he struggled with the word, "bitten?"

Everyone in the clearing held their breath while I considered my answer.

Looking Chief Black in the eye, I gave him the best answer I could give. "She seems favorably disposed to the idea."


	22. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

~~~8~~~8~~~

Chief Black informed us that he would be speaking with Bella . . . alone. I was specifically and pointedly _un_invited. I gathered enough information from his thoughts to know he believed I had somehow dazzled her into making an uninformed decision..

Thursday after school, Bella left to go see the elders without the wolves. I put my foot down about her going anywhere near them. I asked her to listen carefully and answer his questions honestly. She accused me of being cryptic and trying to control her again, but really, I just wanted what Billy wanted – her to make a thoughtful decision after considering all the facts.

When she returned to her room that night, she broke into tears and clung to me all night long, tossing and turning as she called my name in her sleep. She quieted somewhat when I talked to her, so I whispered in her ear, pouring my heart into her dreaming mind.

In the wee hours of the morning, I heard her heart rate increase slightly. She awoke to the soft patter of rain on the window. I lightly tightened my grip on her and began to hum to her.

"What about Charlie and Renee?" she asked quietly.

"What about them?"

She raised her head and rested her chin on the back of her hand where it laid on my chest. Looking into my eyes, she continued, "We are meant to be together, Edward. I can feel it in my bones. When I'm not with you, even for a little while, I feel like my world goes dark. Everything is fuzzy and out of focus. But then you come back to me, and it's like all the static is gone. I feel sharp and clear, like life has been tuned in and turned up. It isn't just background noise anymore."

She turned to nuzzle her cheek against me, gazing out the window. When no more words came, I told her, "That"s a pretty good analogy for me too."

She sighed. "I love you Edward-so much I think I might burst from it sometimes." She turned to look at me again, her eyes sad and watery. "But I love them too."

Again, she turned away and was quiet. I let the quiet settle around us like a fog. I couldn't lead her out of this quandary, because I had no answers for her.

How could I ask her to choose me over her parents? How could I not? I couldn't exist without her and yet there was no more selfish creature in all of creation than me. I wanted her with me-to choose me-but, in doing so, she had to give up everything: her family, her life, her future children, and her soul.

"Billy said he understood our connection, but asked me to tell you and the family to leave and never come back. He said to think about what I would be doing to Charlie and Renee. I'm all they have outside of each other. It would destroy them to loose me. How can I do that to them?"

I felt my world cracking. The vision of our wedding splintered and crackled under the weight of a question with no answers.

I didn't breathe. I didn't move. I just closed my eyes and memorized the feel of her in my arms in case this was the last time I got to hold her.

I thought about the weight of each of her limbs where they rested on me. Her warmth burned itself into my skin. Her heart rate beat it's pounding rhythm like a bass drum into my brain. Her breath stirred the air around me and filled my nostrils with the only scent that existed for me.

Her lips touched mine, and my eyes flew open. "Edward," she called, as if from a great distance, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for everything. I never should have come here. I should have stayed away. You could have been happy . . ."

"Edward," she said,her soft voice cutting me off. "No, Edward. You don't understand. I can't be happy without you. Without you, I am incomplete. We are a part of each other.

"I told Billy, 'no.' I refused to send you away. I told him that you were my forever . . . because you are. There is nothing else I want."

"But you're crying," I argued.

She nodded her head and looked down at my shirt twisted between her thumb and forefinger. "I am."

"I don't want you to be sad." I couldn't bear that I had done this to her.

"All of life's choices have consequences, I suppose." She looked up, her eyes intense. "I want to soak up as much time with them as I can. I want . . . to give them as much of me as possible before I have to go away."

I shook my head. I couldn't let her make that choice.

She laid her hand against my cheek. "The decision is made, Edward. That's not what this is about."

"Then, what is it about?"

"It's about handling the consequences with grace and mercy. Isn't that the true test of a well-lived life? That you make your bed and lie in it without complaint and doing as little damage to others as you can?

"That's what I want to do. I want to love you until the end of time and try not to hurt my parents any more than I have to. That's all."

"When did you get to be so wise?" I kissed her softly then again on her forehead for good measure. "Bella, I don't want you to become what I am but, having said that, I want to love you for all eternity as well. I won't stay in a world where you don't exist." One last kiss gave me time to steel my resolve. "I will do everything in my power to help you lessen their pain."

As the days and weeks slowly passed and autumn fell around us, I worked to keep that promise.

First, I focused on Charlie. Part of me was stuck in 1918 and needed to earn his respect and his blessing on my relationship with Bella. So I was pleased when Charlie asked me to accompany him on a fishing trip. With Alice's help, I was able to orchestrate the appointed day to one with the greatest amount of cloud cover and a minimum amount of rain.

In early November we stood on the banks of one of Charlie's favorite fishing spots. I had researched fly fishing techniques religiously until I was certain I wouldn't make a fool of myself in front of him.

Reaching into my new, fully equipped tackle box, purchased the week before at Newton's Outfitters, I pulled out a lure I knew Charlie had been wanting for a while. He was reluctant to buy the lure, because it was expensive, and he considered it unnecessarily extravagant. He wanted it nonetheless.

"I brought you something, Chief," I said, casually tossing him the paper bag containing the lure before returning to the task of tying bait to my own line.

"Pff, buying me shit doesn't get you in my good graces, boy," he mumbled, but his thoughts told a different story.

"Never hurts to try." I might as well own up to the fact that I was kissing up.

He chuckled at my honesty. "Feel free to try," he said, holding up the lure and twisting it appreciatively between his fingers. We returned to comfortable silence and fished side-by-side for an hour or so.

Occasionally, I felt him watching me, but enjoyed the companionable activity. During the seventeen years I had spent in this man's house, I had wanted many times to talk to him, ask him questions about his life. I felt like I knew him, but only on the surface. I could list his habits, his preferences, his schedule.

I knew his favorite shirt and how he liked his coffee, but I wanted to know the answers to all the questions that had built up over the last seventeen years. I wanted all the answers to all the questions that I couldn't come out of my hiding place in the attic to ask.. This time with Charlie gave me the opportunity to delve into all the things that I had always wanted to know about him, but I had another motive for learning more about Charlie as well.

I had no idea how much of her human life Bella would remember after her change. I wanted to be able to answer any question she might ask about her human life and family. I wanted to be able to tell her more than the fact that her father liked to fish and her mother was a bit flighty. I wanted to be able to provide her with details about who they were as people, their thoughts, hopes and dreams. Renee was an open book to me, but Charlie wasn't. His mind was not as closed to me as Bella's, but his thoughts were murky and unclear.

"You're hooking to the inside. Cuts your cast short," he explained, his baritone voice floating on the breeze.

"Am I? I'm afraid I'm just learning. Haven't quite got the technique down yet," I answered.

He harrumphed again and reeled in his line. "Wanna beer? Vitamin R." He held out the beverage.

"Is that a trick question, Chief?" I grinned at him. He knew I was seventeen, and I hadn't forgotten for a second what I was out here trying to do. I wasn't there to catch fish.

He popped the top and sat on the cooler. I followed his lead and accepted the bottled water he offered instead, sipping on it as if it would quench my thirst. At least, it would be much less foul coming back up later than the beer would have been.

"You like her a lot, don't ya?" I smiled at his pulling-no-punches approach. He never was one for bullshit.

"More than I can describe to you, sir."

"I like your dad. Good man."

"Thank you, sir. I've always thought so."

In silence, we watched the water wave and dance along the shore.

"She's pretty young, you know."

"Sir?"

"To be so serious. You seem . . . pretty serious." He swigged his beer as he watched me. I knew he was sizing me up.

I dipped my head as I twirled the water bottle between my fingers. "Yes, sir. We are."

"I ne- She needs more time," he countered quickly. Even without knowing exactly what he was referring to – growing up, settling down, considering marriage – I still whole-heartedly agreed with him.

I wasn't sure how to calm his concerns. "I've got all the time in the world," I offered, knowing he couldn't possibly understand the truth of that statement.

He grunted. "I wish."

Spending as much time as possible with her parents included the holidays.

"Was it awful?" Bella asked as I climbed into her window. Her hair curled in waves around her head on the lavender pillow beneath her. I took my cell phone from my pocket and snapped her picture before she could protest.

"It was worth it. I wouldn't trade anything for the privilege of spending Thanksgiving dinner with your family."

I kicked off my shoes and climbed into the bed behind her. The truth was eating the dinner was only half of the torture. Bringing it back up was far worse. However, it was equally true I would do it again every single day of forever if that's what it took to share more of those moments with her.

"I'm so sorry! The whole experience was just painful to watch! I can't imagine anything worse than you trying to choke down my mother's turkey."

"It's fine, Bella. Truly. I enjoyed the evening, and you know how much I love talking to your father. I had a wonderful day. What about you?"

She turned in my arms to face me, gracing me with a brilliant smile. "I suppose it didn't entirely suck. Everything is better when you're there."

I kissed her softly before adding, "Likewise, dearest."

She licked her lips with a soft "mmm" and slid her fingertips up to the neck of my t-shirt, pulling it down slightly. "Kiss me again, Edward."

I started the stopwatch in my head, allowing ten minutes before I would have to reject her attempts to go further. My ability to refuse her advances was wearing thinner all the time.

I had never been able to deny her anything she really wanted when she was a child. Nothing had changed now that she was an adult. I found it increasingly difficult to throw ice water on the heat we generated nightly.

I forced myself to keep one arm under her head, cradling her to me. The other, I glued to her hip, refraining from exploring the curves she offered me so willingly.

At twenty-four minutes and thirty-seven seconds, I found the will power to separate my mouth from hers. I took a large breath, holding it for a second to cool it inside me, and exhaled, blowing it across the heated flesh of her neck.

"Bella," I breathed.

She raised her lips and planted kisses on the underside of my jaw and down my neck.

I held my breath. "Bella," I pressed against her hip, forcing her slightly away from me, so she couldn't feel the effects of her efforts. "You have no idea how glorious that feels."

I let myself have the small indulgence of allowing her to continue for eighty-four seconds. Then, I looked at the clock – 2:54 a.m. "Dearest, please. You need to rest. Go to sleep."

She sighed somewhat dramatically, but snuggled into the crook of my arm. She was asleep almost instantly, and I was left to contemplate the disastrous trend I saw developing.

Each night, I lost ground. She wore me down, weakening my resolve and gaining momentum second by second every night. If I didn't get a hold on my control soon, potentially dangerous – enticing, but dangerous – things were going to occur. I determined that I would begin shortening the time each night by a few seconds. I would turn the twenty-four minutes to twenty within a week, no matter what.

Christmas night, I put a stop to our make-out session at thirty-two minutes and fourteen seconds with Bella's fingers crawling under my shirt, tracing my abdomen. My fingers spread across her lower back, pulling her to me. My finger dipped under the waistband of her sweats and into the very top of the crevice I found there.

I leaned my forehead against her hair and breathed deeply, attempting to focus my mind on something other than what we had been doing.

"Bella, we have to stop this. We can't keep this up," I breathed into her ear.

That might not have been the best idea. She whimpered lightly as the chilled air ghosted across her skin.

"Hmm?" she moaned in response.

"Never mind." I wrapped the blanket around her, not so slyly trapping her arms in its folds, preventing her mischievous fingers from finding their way under my shirt again. I shifted her so that she faced away from me and recited the periodic table in my mind to calm myself.

I'd lost nearly ten minutes between Thanksgiving and Christmas. At that rate, we'd be having sex by the next major holiday, if I couldn't get control. That was something I could not allow.

Still, my traitorous body reacted at the possibilities that thought ignited.


	23. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

88888888888888888

It turned out to be fortuitous that Bella and I spent all that time with Charlie and Renee.

Throughout the rest of the school year and summer, we spent countless hours just the four of us. Although Charlie would never admit it, I actually became a pretty good fisherman. I spent many evenings on Charlie's couch drawing him into conversation. His natural tendency toward silence made the pursuit challenging, but once I got him discussing a topic and learned how to ask questions that led to answers with greater depth, I found Charlie was a man of much deeper thought than I gave him credit for.

We had a lot of common ground in many areas. His respect for life and the law was obvious, but equally true was his dedication to his political and religious beliefs. His ideals were well thought out, and he could articulate them quite eloquently when he felt the need. But above all I admired his deep and abiding love for his wife and daughter.

I felt like I truly earned his respect as time passed - an accomplishment I didn't take lightly, especially since I believed his respect wasn't given lightly.

With Renee, I discussed art, passion and philosophy. She was fanciful and carefree. Though I couldn't say that I agreed with all of the choices she made as a wife and mother, I came to understand her sometimes desperate desire to flee small town life. She sometimes harbored secret thoughts of escape. She was anxious to find the freedom she dreamed of. I knew what a struggle it was for her and I admired her ability to stay and wear the mantle of responsibility that belonged to her.

I was also glad for the time that Bella got to spend with her parents. She and her mother, always friends, became confidants and as close as a mother and daughter could be. Bella, ever the caretaker, loved and adored Charlie always but she began to be able to see him as a person outside of his role as her father. She often participated in our couch-side conversations.

This afforded me an opportunity to know Bella more deeply. The hours upon hours we spent talking about everything from politics and religion to the state of the Seahawks injury list profited all of us equally, and I, especially, relished in it.

The only damper on this time was my growing battle to fend off my desire for Bella. This was more than just battling unresolved sexual tension. I constantly fought against the growing _need_ to seal our mating bond. I warred nightly to keep not only my manhood but my teeth to myself.

Oft and unbidden came the monster's raging thoughts. Rattling the bars of his cage, he called to me, demanding.

_Bite her! Take her! Make her yours! Forever!_

The temptation grew exponentially in those moments until I was forced to move away from her sleeping form and pace the room like a caged lion. Back and forth, back and forth, I would concentrate on the rolling of my muscles under my skin, feeling the rippling, straining, flexing-wanting to crouch, wanting to leap, wanting to claim.

When the pacing became too frantic, I would sit in her open window and stare out at the dark night, concentrating on the dreams of those around us. Closing my eyes, I'd pick one dreaming mind and sink into it, pretending to sleep, pretending they were my dreams. Forcing myself into deep, even breathing, my mock slumber would calm me after a few hours and allow me to return to Bella's bed before she woke.

Thankfully, Bella and I had discussed my trials and her danger if I gave in to them. She was understanding and apologetic. I knew she didn't understand which was why I had avoided telling her. I didn't want to heap guilt upon her, but I was quickly reaching the point where I wouldn't be able to withstand unless she quit pushing.

Bella was hurt by my reluctance to talk about the matter with her sooner. The conversation was painful, but through it, we learned more about what we needed from each other regarding communication. Although she didn't articulate it in quite the same way, I came to realize she had been pushing our physical boundaries for the same reason I wanted to give in. She felt the need, the drive, to complete our union as mates as well.

Knowing that little bit of information made things better and, yet, infinitely worse for me. I found comfort knowing I was not alone in the intensity of my feelings toward her. To know she was facing her own giants as she learned to deal with the weight of vampire mating gave me the strength to renew my efforts at resisting. However, knowing she wanted me as much as I wanted her somehow increased the pull, counteracting my redoubled efforts.

Charlie and Renee's date night was particularly trying. They had gone to Port Angeles for dinner and a movie, a ritual Bella had instigated following the Phil-Dwyer-incident. Bella and I were alone in the house which was torture for the both of us.

"Bella…" Her name came out in a pant as I held myself over her, lapping at her open mouth like a bee drawn to nectar. Her legs were wrapped around me as I lay between them. Even through her sleep pants and my jeans I could feel the heat of her.

With my hand up her shirt and hers in my open fly, we were dangerously close to the point of no return.

_Is he in there?_

_Can't you smell the stink?_

_Yeah, it definitely reeks! How can she stand to be around them?_

_Beats me. How do we get him to come out?_

_He's the mind reading one, right? Think he can hear us or read us or whatever?_

_I don't know. I don't know how close we have to be._

The distraction the wolves provided was immensely annoying, but very welcome. I gently removed her hand and pulled our clothes to their proper places. "Bella, dear, we have company."

"My parents are home already?" She glanced at the clock in a mild panic. It read 10:37.

"No, it's the wolves. They're debating how best to get my attention. They need to speak with me." I kissed her forehead as I rose from her bed and opened the window.

"I can hear you," I called out to them. "Actually, I think Canada can hear you. You're not exactly quiet."

_Bullshit, bloodsucker. All you can hear is what's in our heads._

"Did you need something, Jacob? Bella is trying to go to sleep." I had no intention of sharing the truth of Bella's recent activity with them.

As soon as my question was out I saw the pack memories and thoughts.

It was an entirely different experience altogether, getting used to the collective consciousness of the pack mind. I could hear a single 'voice' echoed throughout all the minds of all the other wolves within my range. It was like listening to an echo from the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

"How many are there?"

_Three: a blonde man, a red-headed woman, and an olive-skinned man with dreads. _

The descriptions fit the pictures their minds gave me.

"Where are they now?"

Jacob's mind flitted to follow the rest of the pack, spread out as they were along their territorial boundaries searching for scents of the intruders. I monitored their progress as I dialed Carlisle.

After a brief conversation, Emmett and Jasper came to join the hunt. For now, we didn't know if they were just passing through or had an agenda of some kind, but the wolves were disinclined to entertain any option other than ridding the world of any red-eyed vampires.

Frankly, I was of a mind to agree as long as there existed any risk to Bella. I refused to leave her unattended. Seth stayed near Bella's house, so I could monitor the pack's progress. Emmett and Jasper decided to get their wives to help run the perimeter of our territory.

Alice was having a difficult time seeing the strangers due to the wolves' involvement, an annoying development we learned about early on in our relationship with them. It was agreed if we encountered them on our land, we would talk with them and attempt to persuade them to move on quickly. However, if the wolves encountered them first, we would not stand in the wolves' way of destroying them.

It was a tenuous alliance at best, but one that was necessary for now.

Another hour passed. Bella fell asleep. I held her and listened to the ramblings of the pack's minds.

Around midnight, Alice called. "We haven't found anything. I'm assuming the wolves are coming up empty as well?"

Just as I was about to answer her, the pack mind screamed in unison.

_GOT HER!_

_That way!_

_Quil! Head him off on the right!_

I shot up out of the bed, jostling, but not waking Bella, and stuck my head out the window. Seth whined up at me. He wanted in on the action desperately.

The phone still in my hand, I spoke to Seth, "Where are they? Ask them where they are!" I demanded.

Swiftly, I relayed what I saw to Alice. "North face of the boulders. All three of them. They've split up. The pack is broken up trying to follow them. Heading southwest, toward the water."

I continued narrating the chase as I watched it play out. My siblings headed toward the pack as swiftly as they could. They split and went in the different directions the pack followed.

Emmett and Rosalie joined Sam and Paul chasing the blonde guy. Jasper caught up with Jared and Leah in pursuit of the man with dreadlocks. Alice met Jacob's group trailing the red-head. I shut the phone and dropped it in my pocket watching Seth intently as if I could garner more knowledge from his mind by staring a hole in his brain.

All three pursuits were fast and frantic. My fingers cut into the wood of the window frame where I gripped it in frustration as they lost then found, gained ground then lost it again in their efforts.

The olive-skinned man went down first. The wolves made quick work of him, and my siblings stood back and let the events run their course.

The blonde was harder to catch. They were not successful until Jasper's group turned and gave their assistance. They threw his separated carcass on the pyre already burning from the first kill.

Through Seth's mind, I watched the redhead turn and see the death of her companion. "James!" Her scream ripped through the white noise of the forest. Quickly realizing the hopelessness of her situation, she abruptly changed direction, heading toward the Forks' city limits.

The wolves spread trying to flank her, hoping to get in front of her and cut her off. At Jasper's instruction, my siblings spread with them and filled in the rear, chasing her toward the pack-toward town.

I glanced over at Bella still sleeping soundly. I listened to the dreaming minds of the townspeople surrounding us, all oblivious to the very real danger headed straight for them.

Would she escape? Would she slaughter half the town in her wake? Would she catch my scent and head for me and, therefore, Bella? The entire episode was occurring outside my range. I had no more ability to predict her movements than I could a rabid dog's.

If it weren't for Seth's connection to the pack mind, I'd have no idea what was happening at all. I felt completely useless and yet, looking at my sleeping angel, I was as rooted to the spot as the trees surrounding her house.

Fruitlessly, I watched the chase. Just as they would get her nearly surrounded, she'd slip through a tiny crack and be gone again.

"More slippery than a damned greased pig," I heard Jasper mutter to the wolf running beside him.

I was concentrating so acutely on the pursuit of the renegade red-head that Esme was nearly in Bella's window before I heard her.

"Carlisle is still at the hospital. I knew you wouldn't leave her alone, but they could use your help," she said, tapping her temple. "I'll stay with her. I swear."

I glanced down at Seth. He had heard Esme and rose to his feet, ready to run off. He was chomping at the bit to get into the action. Two more combatants to add to our number couldn't hurt. Plus, we would have the element of surprise and might be able to capture her unaware.

Nodding to Esme, I said, "No more than five feet from her at any time!" I was harsher than I meant to be. I caught the slight offense in her eyes at my implication that she would be less protective of her daughter than I would be of my mate, but it was gone quickly. She understood so much.

"Thank you," I whispered as I leapt from the window. Seth was already running before I hit the ground.

Catching up to him easily, I described my intentions quickly. We angled our trajectory to meet her head on. She would run right into us if she didn't change direction.

The only factor I hadn't considered was the highway that lay between us and them-the highway from Port Angeles to Forks, the highway on which Charlie and Renee were making their way home.


	24. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

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If not for the superiority of my senses I would never have seen the accident occur. As far away as I was and as dark as the night lay around us, I still saw the horror in sharp detail.

Ultimately it was the rogue vampire's fault that any of us were out running around like mad men to begin with but technically it was the wolves – Quil and Seth, the youngest and least experienced, to be precise – who ran out in front of Charlie's car.

Renee's mind went silent in fright. Charlie muttered, "Oh shit!" The tires screeched across the ground as the car swerved. The brakes squealed in protest when he slammed his foot down pressing the pedal nearly through the floor. The cruiser fishtailed and then went into a spin on the rain-slicked road.

The back of the car hit one of the wolves and sent him flying. The front of the car wrapped itself around a tree sideways when the passenger door came in contact with the ancient pine.

Renee's heart stopped immediately. Her final thoughts were of Bella and Charlie.

The red-head leapt over the wreckage and continued to run with most of the wolves and both of my brothers still in pursuit.

The car finally came to a complete stop seconds after the carnage had begun and before I could reach the wreckage, even at my fastest. None of us had reached it in time to curtail the damage.

I could still hear Charlie's heart beating wildly but weakly.

"Carlisle! Get me Carlisle here, NOW!" I screamed at Alice, even though she had the phone already to her ear. "Rose help me get him out."

Her face revealed the terror she felt. _The blood. The blood. The blood,_ her mind chanted.

"Hold your breath and rip off the door while I pull him loose." When she hesitated I yelled, "Smell the gas, not just the blood! The car could go up in flames then we're all dead!"

The metal made a eerie grinding noise as she opened a hole large enough for me to pull Charlie through. I nodded at her silent request to be freed from further duty and she ran off to rejoin the chase.

Carefully I laid Charlie out on the ground, my shirt balled up under his head for support. I began checking his injuries: broken bones, lacerations, bruising. The blood sloshed unevenly in his veins telling me he had internal bleeding somewhere.

His heart changed its rhythm. He was rousing. "Renee?" he croaked.

"Charlie. She's…she's gone, Charlie. I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do. She was gone the second the car hit the tree." My eyes pricked painfully and my chest constricted. Bella had lost her mother and her father wasn't far behind.

"Edward…Bella?" He coughed and blood trickled from the side of his mouth.

"She's safe…at home…She's asleep." I didn't explain how I knew that but I figured he needed the reassurance.

"I'm dying." His simple statement and the acceptance behind it frightened me. I wanted him to fight more despite my surety that he was mortally wounded.

I did a once-over down his broken body and wondered how much pain he was in.

"I can help," I blurted, not sure exactly what I meant by the words.

"No thanks. I'm not interested in immortality," he slurred slightly then loosed a chuckle that turned into a painful sounding cough when he saw the look on my face. "Come on, Edward. You've known me for eighteen years. You don't think my powers of observation are really that bad, do you?"

"I…I…I had hoped I was slightly more stealthy than I have apparently been." I noticed that Alice had left the area, most likely to escape the scent of bleeding humans. Only Charlie and I remained on the road in the darkness.

Stifling a groan from the pain, he said, "Well, I admit you got away with it for several years but when Bella wouldn't let it go about her 'Angel' living in the attic…well, I am a cop, you know. By the way, those journals of yours are very interesting."

"You read those?" I was incredulous. How could I not have known?

He nodded slightly. "When Bella was at school. I read enough to know my family was safe. Enough to know what you are and what Bella is to you."

Carlisle's mind came within my range, seconds later he rushed to our side, still in his scrubs from the hospital. I glanced up at him and back down to where Charlie lay against my leg.

"Then you know that we can save you now. Renee is gone. Bella doesn't need to loose both her parents." Before I even finished he was shaking his head at me.

"It will be hard for her, I know. But she is so strong, isn't she?" His eyes welled with tears and I could see the pride in them. "I'll miss her. She's my baby girl. But, Renee? She's all I ever wanted."

_He won't last much longer,_ Carlisle thought.

"Charlie, I need to tell you…I never meant…Do you know I…" I was at a loss. There was so much I wanted and needed to say to him. "Thank you. For Bella. For understanding. For letting me get to know you. I've always liked you, admired you. You're a good man."

"Tell her I love her, won't you?" I nodded emphatically. "Tell Emmett, thanks too. I would've liked to have gotten to know him."

He struggled to turn his head slightly and look up at Carlisle. "I think I gotta hand over the reins now. You two are gonna have to be there for her for me.

"Carlisle, I don't know how you do it but you're a damn good doctor and I know you'll be a good father to my girl. I wanted to dance at her wedding, you know? You're gonna have to do that for me."

Carlisle's voice was rough when he spoke. "You have my word."

Charlie paused to breathe and cough. When he exhausted himself with the effort he turned back to me. "Edward, I would've liked to give her away properly but I suppose this will have to do. You take good care of her, alright? Don't make me have to haunt you, 'kay?" He smiled weakly at me, laughter now beyond his ability.

"She…is my life." I said simply, knowing he understood.

"I know," he said and then was gone.

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Telling Bella was the single most awful experience of my life. I would rather go through the burning fires of my change again than have to give that kind of news to Bella again. I can't even recount it for you because it was too awful even to retell.

The funeral was slightly less painful but only just.

It was large and well attended. Charlie was a beloved part of the community. His pastor called him the spoke on which the wheel of Forks turned, keeping the little town on the straight and narrow. Flowers covered their caskets until they couldn't be seen. My family gathered around Bella as the long, long lines of townsfolk gave her their condolences.

She was unbelievable. She bore their tears and their platitudes, accepting the useless but well meaning words for what they were. She offered comfort in return for people who barely knew them.

When the never-ending day was finally over I returned her to her family's home. Silently she moved throughout the house seeing to her most immediate needs only. She climbed the stairs wordlessly, clinging to my shirttail, pulling me behind her.

Bypassing her room, she set her water glass down on Charlie's nightstand and crawled into her parents' bed fully clothed, pulling me in with her. She stayed there in that place barely rising for four days. She didn't speak for most of that. She didn't cry until the last day.

As the sun rose on the third day she spoke. "I'll never see them again," was all she said then soaked my shirt with her tears for the rest of that day.

In the wee hours of the night her tears subsided into hiccupping then quieted enough for her to speak again.

"When someone dies, the people left behind always kind of cling to this hope that it's not the last time, you know? 'You'll see them again in heaven,' you tell yourself. 'It's not the end, not good bye,' just 'Good bye for now.' But I can't say that. I won't ever see them again. I'll be here with you forever. I'll be happy and be where I belong but I can't ever say to myself, 'I'll see them again some day.'"

My heart broke for her. I had no words of comfort that wouldn't shake the foundations of my existence.

I said them anyway. "It's not too late, Bella. You don't have to go through with anything. You can still see them again."

"No. I'd like to have been given more time with them but I belong with you. We belong together. I'll miss them like crazy but I don't want to see them again if it means giving you up. They wouldn't want that. They'd want me to move on and be happy."

She fell abruptly to sleep with those words almost still on her lips, the exhaustion finally overtaking her. She slept for nearly twenty-four hours.

When she woke she got up and showered and ate. She did all the make-up school work that Alice brought her, then prepared her clothes for the next school day.

It took time, as any great grief does. Going back to school after the funeral was the most difficult for her at first. My family - our family - supported her almost silently until one of us was needed, each doing what we could to help her.

She cried often on Esme's shoulder, at first. Emmett kept her laughing. Rose kept people away from her at school. Alice was her friend and confidant. Jasper took care of all the legal and financial stuff. Carlisle helped her through all the things a girl needs her daddy for.

It was the most amazing thing to watch. She brought more to our family – more love, more purpose, more companionship – than we could have ever hoped for.

Over time she slowly moved more and more of her things to our house until she was living there with us full time. Jasper took care of her house, protecting it legally and financially, the way he did for all our properties all over the world. It was never a question of getting rid of it. It was a part of her and a part of us, a part of our story and our lives, a piece no one was willing to let go.

Thanksgiving and Christmas were hard. Her graduation was another milestone that she cried her way through when no one was looking. Through it all we did all we could but she did the rest. I realized in the midst of her adversity what a truly amazing woman she was.

Her emotional healing benefited both of us as well. Our raging teenage hormones and need to bind ourselves with the mating bond took a swift and near permanent back seat to her grief until she reached a more appropriate time and mind frame.

Summer had begun in full force. When her smile became more frequent and her crying all but disappeared we were able to focus once again on us. We took walks through our meadow, spent hours listening to my music collection.

At night before she slept our conversations evolved from reminiscing about her parents to things that were going on in our day to day lives and eventually wound up with our hopeful look toward the future.


	25. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

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The red-headed vampire that caused Charlie and Renee's accident wasn't caught that night, or the next. It took months of chasing and tracking, working with the wolves as she danced on the edge of our reach. Our eventual success in capturing and killing her was a group effort that incorporated our entire family, all of the wolves and included Bella as bait – which greatly displeased me. However, the struggle was worth the risks as we were all able to rest more easily once we were triumphant. Not one of our number was lost or greatly injured.

When the vengeful vampire was dead, it felt very much like a chapter of our lives was closed, a page turned, and we could move on to the next phase. That phase's genesis coincided with the beginning of summer.

The gradually warming nights were indicative of the rising temperatures in our bed every evening. Bella and I had recently picked up where we left off before her parents' deaths. The need in us both to complete the bonding was growing stronger everyday.

Bella had been asking lately for one last experience as a human, before she was changed and the bloodlust overtook her, but, so far, I had been able to refuse.

Besides the fact that it would be ridiculously dangerous for us to attempt to make love I didn't want to give in to her outside the bonds of marriage. Having broken every other commandment, I wished to do just one thing right in my life. Though I didn't say it out loud, a small part of me felt that if I could do this correctly then maybe - just maybe - I would deserve her.

I was fully aware of my hypocrisy as each night beneath the blankets I allowed myself just a centimeter more of her precious skin to explore. I was tempting fate or maybe God, Himself, with my actions, but millimeter by millimeter of soft, warm flesh the drive within me was besting my self-control.

"Tell me to stop, Bella, please," I begged her with my lips around her nipple. If she would just say the word I knew I'd be able to bridle my slacking restraint, but she refused me. So on it went.

Her tank top was gone. Her panties lost to us. My clothes joined hers somewhere outside the bubble that encompassed only Bella and me and the bed in which we resided.

Moving together, she rubbed her moisture over my thigh as she undulated beneath me. I stroked myself on the soft warm skin of her leg. "I need to feel you, love, just a little." Her affirmative noises spurred me on as I licked my way from her chest to her throat, stopping to appreciate the bouquet of her blood as it pumped through her jugular.

When our lips connected so did other warm, wet places. I lay against her soft, pink skin and slid up and down, painting myself with her essence.

I buried my face in the pillow on which she rested, keeping my teeth away from her fragile skin. "God, right there, Edward. Yes," she breathed in my ear.

Rocking my hips increased the speed of the underside of my shaft against her clit. "Like that, love? Does that feel good?" It was a rhetorical question. Honestly I just wanted to hear her garbled attempt at speech.

"Yessss…little…harder…" she mumbled biting down on my shoulder.

Rational thought broke through my consciousness for a split second, and I realized if she tried to bite me she'd most likely break her teeth. Unfortunately that lucid thought was fleeting and failed to account for how we were positioned. My impulse to jerk my shoulder down and away from her mouth caused my cock to slide down, along with the rest of me, a few inches from where it had previously been rubbing. Suddenly the tip was nestled in her burning warmth, poised to enter. I had only to press forward, to rock my hips toward her in the exact same motion as I had done seconds before.

The urge to do just that was so strong that my fingers pierced the mattress on either side of her torso with the effort I was exerting attempting to hold my now frozen stance on my knees above her.

The few seconds that passed while my mind made this assessment left Bella behind, uninformed and wildly wanton with the need we had stoked together. Before I could utter a warning for her to remain still she arched, tightening her legs where they were wrapped around my waist, and squeezed.

Of course she had no strength to pull me down to her. She did, however, have ample strength to pull herself up off the bed, which she did, thereby impaling herself on me.

I growled lustily at suddenly finding myself embedded in her. Bella hung from my body like a monkey from a vine. It would have been comical if my whole being wasn't screaming one solitary word.

"_Mine!"_

The word rumbled in my mind until it burst forth through my lips and reverberated through the air in the room with its volume. Lowering us together until her back touched the bed, I resumed the slow rocking motion with my hips, watching Bella.

It felt as if a fever had overtaken me. Every rock solid cell in my undead body vibrated in unison chanting "_YES! YES! YES!_", affirming – finally – the act of sealing our bond.

The sentiment was echoed in my love's utterances as we raced together toward the exchange that would seal our union forever: my pleasure for hers – a pact made in blood and seed.

My hands were under her back, fingers curled over her shoulders, giving me leverage to pull her into me as I thrust. Her arms were wrapped around my head. She held me tightly to her neck, my lips buried against her throat. Her heels dug into my backside as she moved in harmony with me.

The sound of our movements and utterances were a melody of sweetest song. At the last second I tore my lips away from her flesh and instead gripped the fabric of the pillow between my teeth, the need to protect her overriding the urge to bite and mark her. And when, after waiting so long, for so many years - nearly two decades of protecting and loving my mate - I poured myself into her and she gave me her pleasure in return, I felt as if I could die a second time, such was the intensity of our passion.

I felt the final pin drop into place, altering, just this once, my unchanging nature. The piece I had been missing had been given to me, adding to my existence and making me whole.

But it was more than that - the profound feeling of depositing part of my soul inside of her and of accepting part of hers into me. The process was indescribable but undeniably right. Our bond was sealed. The mating was complete.

I held her shuddering frame to me. She buried her face in my neck, and the salty smell of her tears mingled with the scent of sex and her virgin blood. I couldn't bear to disengage myself from her, so with our bodies still connected I called to her softly.

"Bella?" A small sob slipped from her lips and burrowed its way through my skin. "Please baby, don't cry. I'm sorry. I should have stopped…"

She gasped and dropped her head back to the pillow. "Don't you dare, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! Don't you dare do that to us! Don't you do it!"

I stared down at her, wholly lost as to what she meant. "I…huh?"

The fire of her eyes flitted between mine. "I won't stand for it. Do you hear me? I can see the guilt creeping up and hear it in your voice. Don't you dare apologize to me and ruin an absolutely wonderfully perfectly…perfect moment!"

"I'm…uh." I had started to say I was sorry again but then thought better of it. The truth of the matter was that I was sorry for a great many things and in a great many ways, but I couldn't bring myself to regret the last few minutes, not completely, anyway.

"I love you," I said instead and kissed away her tears. "Tell me why you are crying."

"Because I love you, too. I love you so much I feel like it's too big for me to hold it all in. Like it's going to burst out of my chest and cover the whole world in sunshine and rainbows and fairies or something equally ridiculous. I can't contain it so…" she shrugged, "I guess it's leaking out a little as tears."

Her hands cupped my cheeks, and she placed sweet, chaste kisses on my lips and all over my face. "They're happy tears, Edward - just drops of overflowing love."

I dropped my head to her shoulder. She knew me well. There was a giant part of me that wanted to ram my head against the brick walls of the house for my stupidity. The guilt was washing over me.

I had pushed us further and further each night, tempting her and myself. I had rationalized it was just a bit of skin here or no more than a small extra sliver of flesh there, all the while knowing how powerful the needy sensation grew with each passing day. The fact we had withstood as long as we did was amazing enough, but add to it that we were nightly seeking our pleasure with each other's bodies while simultaneously denying the very act our bond demanded was astounding.

It was a wonder we had not made love before that moment.

_Made Love_.

I had made love to Bella. The thought astonished me. I had been sure, I was going to kill or, at least, injure her or perhaps bite her. But I hadn't.

A sense of pride flushed over me. I had made love to Bella, and she was alright!

_Was she alright?_

I was still lying on top of her, though I bore most of my weight myself, still connected to her, still buried in the mouth-watering scent of her hair and her blood. It was possible she was not alright but had neglected to say anything.

I lifted my head once again to look down at her. It was almost painful for me to withdraw my body from hers, but I sat back on my knees taking the sheets and blankets with me so I could look her over.

I immediately noticed the feathers. They were settled all around her head like a soft white halo, making her look like the angel that she was. Her skin was flushed pink and her face sparkled with drying tears. I smiled at the dichotomy of her shy expression after giving me her body so passionately.

Seeing the outline of my fingers appearing on her shoulders caused the smile to fade as quickly as it began, however.

"My Bella Angel," I mourned, "I'm so sorry." I covered her again and kissed the eight purpling fingerprints on her skin. "I've hurt you."

She craned her head to try and see the tops of her collarbones and curves of her shoulders. The sight of her contortions was comical, and I laughed in spite of myself. She grinned up at me with her palm over my silent heart.

"I'm fine. More than fine, really. I'm splendidly…" she thought for a moment searching for the right word, settling on, "complete. I feel somehow more whole. I'm not sure how to describe it. Does that make sense?" Her creamy brow furrowed in her effort to grasp at concepts for which she had no linguistic framework.

"Absolutely. I know exactly what you are describing, love. I feel the same. It is the sealing. Physically you have taken a part of me just as I have you." I began a trail of kisses leading to where I knew her scent would be changing. "I can smell you here, you and me." I licked at the slick skin, puffy from our mating. She moaned softly and lifted her hips in response. "Your smell has changed permanently because you now carry the mark of my scent wherever you go. Every vampire that meets you will be able to smell that you are mated, and if they meet me as well they will be able to tell to whom you belong.

"Your sense of smell isn't developed enough as a human, but if it was, you would know that the same is true for me. I carry your scent now."

The longer I talked the more horrified her face became.

"Do you mean, the whole family will know what we did as soon as we go downstairs in the morning?" Despite the fact that her face was bright red with the flames of embarrassment, I couldn't help pointing out a small detail she'd obviously not considered.

I shook my head with mock gravity. "No, Bella." The relief on her face was immediate, and I almost felt badly about my next words. "You are in a house full of vampires with super hearing. They already know. Emmett's quite proud, actually. You should hear his thoughts."

Before my little speech was over she was swatting at me, and I rolled over onto my back. She followed me, whipping the pillow from behind her head and pummeling me with it.

"Oh! You jackass!" She laughed only half kidding as she spread the feathers wildly in her assault. Shielding myself from her battering, I couldn't do anything other than laugh myself into oblivion.

"Carlisle's not too happy with me, though," I continued through my laughter and her attack. "It seems he takes his role as your adoptive father rather seriously." I retreated off the bed as she lunged at me again, feathers flying. "He's loading Charlie's shotgun right now." I jogged away from her while she ran full blast after me from our bedroom through to the sitting room.

I caught her amid the storm of soft down that floated around us from her weapon of choice and pressed her against my chest, both of us still laughing like children. Brushing my lips against her forehead, her eyelids, cheeks, and nose, I waited for our chuckling to subside.

I felt the ring on her finger, placed there just days before, slide against my scalp as she buried her hands in my hair. "Guess I'll just have to marry you then," she whispered as our lips touched and the mirth dissipated into passion.


	26. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

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Bella's crimson blush stayed with her as our family celebrated with us. As vampires, the completion of our mating was more binding and, thus, more significant than any paper making us legally wed. The next evening on the phone with Alice, Bella bemoaned the celebratory mood of the family.

"I swear, Alice, it's been worse than a boys' locker room around here all day. Everybody's all 'Hey, you guys had sex! Alright!' If Emmett tries to high-five Edward one more time I'm going to put bleach in his shampoo bottle! Did you know this would happen?"

"Did I know you were going to rape my brother? No."

"Alice! I did not -"

"It was a spur of the moment decision, so no, I didn't see it ahead of time but..."

I walked into our sitting room in time to watch Bella's blush darken once again. She had her feet propped up on the seat of the couch while she lay on the floor, a collection of Jane Austen's work lay open face down on her stomach. I sat on the sofa beside her feet, taking them into my lap and rubbing her purple polished toes. Able to hear Alice's voice clearly through the phone, I laughed at their banter.

"Wait a minute! You said I…that means…you _saw_ us?!" She sat up suddenly, pulling her feet away from me, her book falling to the floor forgotten. "You can't come home, Alice. Stay in Alaska. I can't look you in the face ever again." Alice's giggle rang loudly while I tried valiantly to stifle my own.

Bella covered her face with her free hand. "Oh my god. And I thought Emmett hearing us was bad."

"Hey, you won't get any criticism from me. That was a great move, by the way. I tried it on Jasper, and he loved it!"

She fell backward to the floor again. "You told Jasper?! Okay, I'm hanging up on you now."

"Bye Bella! I love - "

Bella pushed the tiny red button on her cell and tossed it across the carpet. She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. "I need you to dig me a really deep hole, Edward."

"Why's that, angel?" I asked as I crawled to the floor and over her, kissing her neck.

"So I can crawl into it and never come out."

~~8~~8~~

After a few days passed even Emmett had stopped talking about our activities…well, mostly.

"You know, little sister," Emmett began mischievously as we sat in the living room. Rosalie was painting her nails; Bella and Esme working on wedding details. All of them were watching me kick his butt on the Xbox. "Rosie and I have some great videos upstairs if you and Edward need some pointers."

Three hands popped him in the back of the head simultaneously.

"Hey!" He rubbed his head and looked at Esme, expecting it from her least of all.

She just shrugged her shoulders innocently, but a small playful smirk played on her lips.

"Thank you," Bella said with a smug smile, continuing to flip through her bridal magazine. She held the periodical up to Esme. "What do you think of this one? I like the line of the skirt, but the bust is a little low…What? What! Guys? Edward? Edward!"

The panic in her voice made me cut off the growl in my throat. What she had no way of realizing in the few small breaths it had taken her to speak was that our entire world had just been shaken and was crumbling around our heads and falling to our feet.

Bella's heart beat had been ticking out the seconds of my life like a clock.

Bu-bup

Bu-bup

Bu-bup

"…bust is a little…"

Then we all heard something alter the watch's tick.

Bu-bup, thumpity thumpity thumpity

The first beat brought all our heads up to look at each other in curiosity.

"…low…"

Bu-bup, thumpity thumpity thumpity

The second drew our eyes to the source of the sound.

"What?"

Bu-bup, thumpity thumpity thumpity

The third brought realization.

"Guys?"

Bu-bup, thumpity thumpity thumpity

The fourth carried implications.

Rosalie's thoughts were first. _Baby?_

_How is this possible?_ Esme.

Emmett. _What the fuck did you do, Edward?_

My own. _Bella's in danger!_

The threat to my mate kicked my instincts into high gear. I turned toward the sound with a snarl, teeth bared and muscles coiled.

"Edward?"

Rosalie was instantly in front of me. Momma bear gone vamp. If I had thought her dangerous when Bella was a baby, that was nothing…NOTHING, compared to this instant.

The white-hot heat of my fury turned full force on Rosalie where she stood between me and my mate, preventing me from protecting what was mine. Rosalie's rage matched mine and refused to back down.

"Edward!"

Bella's panic was rising. The sound of it stopping the destruction a fight between Rosalie and me could have wrought. Esme was already on the phone demanding Carlisle come home immediately. I vaguely heard him tell her he was on his way before she hung up.

"Bella, angel, it's okay. Everything's okay." I tried to step toward her and realized that Emmett's massive arms were wrapped around me, restraining me. His thoughts were absorbed with concern for the two women in front of us.

"Emmett, I've got it. I'm fine. Let me go."

_Touch her and I'll fucking kill you myself,_ he thought, and I knew, although he loved Bella, too, he was talking about his wife.

"I understand! Let go!" I shook out of his grasp as he loosened his arms. I stepped forward again toward Bella, now standing. Rosalie refused to move. "Rosalie, she's in no danger from me."

She crossed her arms and raised her chin. _No, _SHE'S_ not._

I clenched my fists at my sides, painfully aware of Emmett's threat still echoing in my head. "Move! Now!" I heard his chest rumble.

"Make her move!" I demanded.

"No," Rosalie answered for him.

"STOP IT!" Bella screamed.

We all turned to look at her, astounded at her volume. "Just stop it! You're freaking me out! I don't know what the hell is going on, but I'm not some shiny, new toy to be fought over on the playground."

She exhaled a big gust of air and stuffed her fists, balled up, onto her hips. "All of you," she gave Rosalie and me the stink eye, "are going to quit behaving like spoiled two-year-olds and tell me what the hell is going on."

She looked at us but was met with silence.

"Right the fuck now!" she seethed and stabbed her finger toward the floor to emphasize her point.

"I'm sorry, Bella. You're right…"

"Damn right I'm right." Her anger was smoldering.

"Yes, of course you are. It's okay though. Everything is going to be just fine. There's just been a small…um…accident. One that we…uh…we just had no idea was even…I mean I never dreamed that…but it's okay. Carlisle will be here very soon. He will take care of everything, and then it will be all right as rain again. No problem. See?"

Her panicked stare showed me that my explanation had been insufficient. "See what? What accident? Edward, what the hell are you talking about? I swear to God if someone doesn't tell me what the hell is going on I'll -"

Ever the direct one, Rosalie didn't cushion the blow at all. "It's a baby, Bella. You're going to have a baby."

"Like hell she is." I turned on Rose. "That…whatever the hell it is, will be taken care of. Do you have any idea what you're saying, Rosalie? Do you have any idea what kind of danger she is in?"

Bella had dropped to the couch during my tirade.

"Imma?…Imma?…Imma?…" She stared into space, babbling. "How can I…You aren't…But we just…It's only been…A what?" Tears were filling her eyes and her face was a mask of shocked disbelief.

Turning back to my beloved I knelt in front of her. Cradling her face in my hands I tried to reassure her. "Shhh, baby, it's fine. Everything's going to be fine. We won't let anything happen to you. Carlisle can take care of the problem, and it will be as if it never happened."

Carlisle had come in by this time and assessed the situation. _Edward…_

"What did you say?" she asked. I wondered if Carlisle had some sedatives in his bag because her face suddenly turned red, and her eyes were glassy when they met mine.

"I said it will be as if it never happened. Carlisle can fix it…"

"No. Not that part. What did you just call our baby? A problem?" She pressed me back away from her and stood up. "Our baby is not a problem!"

I stood with her and just stared at her blankly, not understanding what she was saying.

"But, Bella - "

"NO! Don't 'But Bella' me. You're telling me I'm pregnant? With _our_ child?"

"Yes. No. Well, there is something making another heartbeat. We can hear it. But we have no way of knowing what it is. Bella, it isn't…can't be…human."

Her hands went to her stomach, and she looked down at them. "A heartbeat?"

"Yes, a strong one, actually," Carlisle said.

She looked at him. "How is this possible? He's dead. You're all…dead. How could I be pregnant? I've never…not with anyone…except him. How?"

Carlisle went to her and laid his hands softly on her shoulders. "I have no idea." She fell against his chest and began to cry.

"Carlisle, how soon can you schedule a procedure? It's only been a few days, and already there's a heartbeat. The growth rate must be phenomenal. We have to get to it now before it's too late."

Bella raised her head and wiped her eyes from her crying. Stepping away from him, she moved around the room aimlessly.

"I need to think about this. It's not going to be a typical procedure. I don't think I can do this in the hospital. What if…" His vocal chords went silent, but his thoughts continued wondering about what exactly would come out of Bella. He worried about attracting attention by using hospital staff who might get a glimpse of something they shouldn't.

"We can do it here, you and I. We can buy all the equipment and transform your office." I began listing in my mind the needed items.

Bella was being held and spoken to quietly by Rosalie and Esme. She needed their comfort right now. I asked a few questions of Carlisle in a way so as not to alarm Bella any further.

After a few minutes of crying and soft words of comfort whispered by my mother and sister, Bella interrupted the intense medical discussion between Carlisle and me.

"Edward. I'm not doing it," she said calmly, almost too calmly.

I turned back to her, feeling as if I'd caught the tail end of a conversation. "I'm sorry, baby. What did you say?"

"I said I'm not doing any kind of procedure. You and Carlisle do whatever needs to be done, but I'm having this baby."

I starred at her, dumbfounded. "Bella, you don't understand. This _thing_ could kill you!" Anything that posed a danger to her was unacceptable to me.

"It's not a thing!" she yelled then took a deep breath, closing her eyes and trying to calm herself. "It's our baby and I'm having it. Even if it kills me." Another deep breath and her quiet voice, composed and confident, was back. She crossed the room to where I stood with Carlisle.

Bella lifted herself onto her toes and wound her arms around my neck. "Edward, my Angel." She gently took my hand from where it hung tense at my side. With a kiss to each knuckle she uncurled my fingers and kissed my palm. Then she carefully and purposefully placed the flat of my hand to her abdomen.

"This is a baby - our baby, yours and mine - that we created by loving each other. Whatever it is – vampire, human, half of each – we will deal with it. There is a _heartbeat_ in here, Edward. The heartbeat of our _baby_.

"I don't have any idea how this has happened, but it's a miracle. And I won't kill it."

She turned in my arms, replaced my hand on her stomach, and addressed Carlisle. "Do whatever you need to do to prepare, but I will be having this baby."

Taking her gently by the shoulders, I turned her around again to look into her eyes. "Bella, please! You must see reason. We cannot let this pregnancy progress. You don't understand the risk involved." I was beginning to get angry. "I will not stand by while you endanger yourself! I won't let you!"

Her eyes narrowed on me but her tone remained soft and calm. "Edward, I love you more than life itself. I always will, no matter what happens." She stepped back away from me, out from under my hands on her shoulders. She continued backing away until she stood in front of Rosalie. "I'm also very sorry to have to do this but…"

She hesitated, and I gazed at her, confused by what she was trying to say. "Bella?"

"You don't get to make this decision for me, Edward. I didn't want to do this, but since you are pushing me…" She turned to Rose who just nodded at her.

I shifted my gaze to my sister. She stood opposite me, arms crossed over her chest, gazing down her nose with a sneer marring her beautiful face. _You won't be doing anything to this baby. _ "I'll make sure the baby stays safe."

"What?" I didn't understand. When I took a step toward Bella Rosalie's arms dropped to her sides and a menacing rumble rattled her chest. I looked back and forth between them in consternation. "Bella?"

_Why is Rose protecting her?_

"You don't have to be afraid, love. I'd never let anything happen to you," I told her fervently.

"That's what I'm afraid of, Edward. In protecting me, you would kill our child. I can't let you do that."


	27. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

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I just ran. I ran and ran and ran – unaware of what direction I was going or even whether I was running in circles or straight lines. Without a single thought in my head, neither mine nor anyone else's, I ran for hours and hours until green turned to white and ice replaced forest. Somewhere in a frozen tundra I finally ran myself out.

Physically I could have circled the globe, but mentally, emotionally, I was done. I fell to my knees in powdery snow up to my waist and looked down at my hands. I couldn't feel the life-stealing cold that surrounded me, but I could still feel the warmth of Bella's skin under my fingers. The contrast broke me.

"Please…"

The whisper was wiped away by the wind as soon as it left my lips.

"Please God…"

Emotion hitched my voice.

"Don't…" I breathed in and out slowly.

"I've waited too long. A century of waiting. I've only just…"

"PLEASE!" I screamed, head raised to the heavens. My voice echoed off of far away glaciers and pounded back to my ears, renewing my desperate prayer.

"PLEASE! Don't take her from me. Please…"

The heels of my hands pressed against my eyes, squeezed shut, and I begged for all I was worth.

"God, please! You can't take her from me. You can't! I can't bear it."

My pleas descended into tearless sobs as I wordlessly pleaded for Bella's life. The coherent arguments in my mind came out as sounds unkempt within the framework of letters and syllables. The pain in my chest refused to be hemmed in, and so on and on it went without relief.

The very thought of losing her tore at the fabric of my existence. If she did not exist, then I did not exist. There was no point in prolonging this mockery of life, if one could say any undead thing had a life at all.

A plan formed in my head as the seemingly unending day of summer in the Arctic Circle passed without drastically altering the light and shadows on the white and blue around me. If my prayers went unheeded and Bella - I gulped and shuddered at the very thought - if Bella died, then I would go to the Volturi. I would demand they kill me, or, if they would not, then I would provoke them. I would force their hand and make them end my life.

I would follow Bella into the next life, provided there was one, wherever that might be.

Resolved to my fate and happy with my decision, I found it was easier to rise, easier to turn around, easier to run. And so I ran again, but this time toward her instead of away from her. I had foolishly thought that running away could somehow distance me from the pain; the pain I suffered and the pain I'd caused. But I knew now that, no matter what happened to Bella, my place was beside her. And if that meant I watched her die, then I had a plan to join her in death as well. I would never leave her side again.

_I should rip your balls off and shove them down your throat._

"Always a joy, Rosalie," I sneered as I passed her and searched for twin heart beats, locating their source just one floor above me. I bounded up the steps and ran smack into the end of Emmett's fist.

"Three weeks, motherfucker," he hissed as I picked myself up off the floor. I had anticipated a less than warm welcome home. "That's how long you've been gone. Three goddamn weeks. That's most of her pregnancy. She's as big as the side of a house and weaker than a kitten. Thank God we figured out to feed her blood, no thanks to you, you little emo shit. She could have died here, and you'd have been off God-knows-where wallowing in self-pity. Meanwhile, dickhead, she's here growing a whole 'nother person inside of her, and a supernatural one at that, with no help at all from her fiancé, from her _mate._" He growled the word at me, and I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what he thought of me.

Just as I began to try and form some kind of a response, I was hit with a tsunami of emotions: fear, worry, concern, love, loneliness, sadness. On and on it went, and I knew Jasper was pouring on to me the weight of Bella's emotions from the last three weeks. I relished in the agony even as my knees crumbled beneath me.

It was no less than what I deserved.

I heard his footsteps and looked to see him walking up the steps toward me. "Alice can't see because of the baby. She lies in our bed night and day in agony, her mind exploding, trying to work its way around what the child blocks from her. I beg her every moment to leave, to get away from here, but she refuses to leave Bella."

Even his thought didn't need completion. I knew what he was implying. Alice stayed when I did not. He was right.

"Even now Bella doesn't know that you've returned. She is facing the very real possibility of death, actual death, and her only emotion revolves around her love and concern for you." _You don't deserve her._

"No, I don't," I agreed, rising from my knees and making my way to Carlisle's office.

In an effort not to startle her I opened the door slowly and gazed on the vision of loveliness that sat propped up in a hospital bed reading aloud to her swollen belly. She looked up and smiled a heart stopping smile filled with all the joy I felt at being reunited with her.

When she made to get up I was beside her instantly and guiding her legs back beneath the blankets. I climbed into the bed and lay beside her with my head on her chest, my arms wrapped around her growing middle.

"I can barely stand to ask, and God knows I don't deserve it, but can you ever forgive me, Bella? I have been so, so selfish."

"Shhh, Edward. You're here now, and that's all that matters. You were just frightened. I know how strong that fear is. I feel it when I think of something happening that would take you away from me. But no more, okay? It's all over, and there'll be no leaving at all…" She cradled my cheek in her hand and urged my face to look at her. "By anybody. Okay?"

"Never again," I promised.

She took up her book again and explained that the baby was calmer when she read. The growing size and increasing restlessness was bruising Bella from the inside out and had even broken a few ribs. My heart ached to know that Bella was being injured.

I listened to her read for a while until Carlisle came in with a thermos of what smelled like the blood of an antelope. Bella took it from him greedily and sucked down the fluid hungrily. Minutes after she'd finished her second thermos, the baby woke.

Suddenly I was struck with thoughts and visions that were not my own nor anyone else's in the family. I sat up and stared at Bella's belly. "I can hear the baby!"

And then I was startled even more when I heard the baby wonder about my unfamiliar voice. "I'm- I'm- your father, your d-daddy." Emotion choked the word in my throat.

The baby wondered at the meaning of the words father and daddy. "It's like mommy, sort of. Mommy is whose tummy you're in. I'm –"

I stopped. Never in a thousand years did I think I'd be explaining the birds and bees to my unborn child.

"You are part of Mommy, but you are part of me too. Mommy and Daddy together made you."

The baby showed me all the memories of experiencing Mommy. Mommy reading, Mommy talking to her, then remembering Mommy telling her that Daddy had to be gone for a little while, but he would be back soon.

"The baby loves you very much," I told Bella.

She simply smiled, "I know."

"Your mommy loves you very much too. And… " I swallowed hard, suddenly realizing how true it was. "And Daddy loves you very much too."

The baby kicked excitedly, and Bella winced in pain. "Baby, please, don't do that. You're hurting Mommy."

The baby stopped instantly, and I was struck by the interaction I was able to have with my child, our child. I watched the grey, swirling darkness through the baby's eyes, fascinated to see the placenta and umbilical cord. I saw tiny fingers and dancing waters, things I could never imagine seeing, even with two medical degrees.

I lay beside Bella, eyes closed, fascinated with the sights and thoughts that came to me through our child. Bella slept and I carried on a conversation with the baby, telling stories about Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Renee, until a sudden and unexpected glimpse caught my mind's eye.

Sitting up in the bed rather abruptly, I disturbed Bella's sleep when I boisterously declared my discovery.

"It's a girl!"

"What? Huh? Edward, what's wrong?" Bella stirred sleepily.

"It's a girl!" I repeated. "The baby! It's a girl!"

The family was instantly surrounding us, and even though they'd heard me, I repeated my news.

"We're having a girl!"

Carlisle was fascinated. "We haven't been able to get any sonogram readings because her womb has taken on the granite hard qualities of a vampire's skin. We've not been able to see anything at all."

I hadn't realized Bella's less obvious changes until Carlisle pointed it out. Her stomach was unusually hard, even for a pregnant woman.

"I've been able to see and talk to her this whole time. I've seen all her fingers. The quality and location of the placenta and cord are both fine. There is ample amniotic fluid. For all that I've been able to see, everything seems fine."

Carlisle was pleased. The others congratulated Bella and discussed all things pink while my father and I discussed the benefits and possible tests we could run with my ability to see through the baby's eyes. We also realized the baby might actually be able to help with her own birth. If I could direct her how and what to do, we might be able to minimize the risk to Bella's life.

New hope was sparked, and I actually felt for the first time that maybe, just maybe, Bella might live through this.

"Of course I'll need to discuss it with Edward first," I heard Bella tell my mother and siblings.

"Discuss what, love?"

"The baby's name."

"Have you something in mind?" I would accept almost any suggestion from her in the state of hopeful joy I found myself.

"Well, I was thinking that we could name her Charlotte Renee, after my parents, and call her…Charlie." Bella bit her lip while she waited for my opinion. I thought it was a lovely way to honor the people who had brought Bella to me.

"Charlie it is then." I beamed. Everyone began speaking at once to Bella's stomach, talking to little Charlie. I laughed out loud as Charlie thought about what a noisy family she was being born into.

She'd get used to us soon enough. I was sure.


	28. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

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_My Dearest Love,_

_You cannot possibly understand how I long for you. How I wait with bated breath until the day when I can touch the face I see in Alice's mind or hold the hand that wears my ring. You cannot imagine the number of years I have waited or how irrelevant they seem when I look into your beautiful eyes. What a gift! What a treasure! What breath and life and light you are to me! _

_How can I ever express to you the value you hold or the extent of my life that belongs to you? Words are too small, prose inadequate; sentences and books and libraries full of poetic expression are too small a space to hold the depth of my love and adoration._

_How, then, do I tell you when I find you that I will love you for the rest of eternity if you will but consent to be mine. And I? I will be forever yours. I can be nothing else. You hold my heart in your hand._

_Always and Forever,_

_Edward_

I closed the journal - one of a hundred I had filled in the past eighteen years - and looked at the trembling, pain-filled, changing form of my beautiful Bella. The sight of her hand as it gripped mine with all her waning strength, knowing she clung to me in the midst of the fires of hell coursing through her veins caused me more anguish than I had ever imagined possible – even when I'd nearly despaired of finding her.

The birth of our daughter Charlotte Renee Cullen was the picture of perfection. It could not have gone better, and both Carlisle and I were very pleased but, in the end, we were forced to do just what we feared most.

As little Charlie assisted us in her own delivery, a positively amazing feat in itself, she also followed the instincts of both infant and vampire and bit her mother immediately after she emerged. Her instinctual attempt to suckle combined with the overriding thirst at being surrounded by so much blood was too much for her tender sensibilities. She bit Bella's breast with teeth we didn't realize she had as she was placed against her mother's chest.

Bella was joyfully cradling our daughter in her arms, having come through the cesarean perfectly. She kissed Charlie's head and cooed to her sweetly, pouring out motherly words of wonder and affection. Then she jumped slightly as the baby nuzzled against her.

"Ouch! Oh, baby, no. Don't bite Mommy." She smiled indulgently at Charlie for a few seconds until her eyes grew wide and the burning began.

"Edward!" she gasped.

Carlisle's head snapped up from where he was stitching Bella closed. I rushed to examine Charlie's mouth. Her teeth were sharp, like every vampire's, and I could smell the sweet scent of venom on her breath.

"She's venomous." I looked up at my father as I cradled the baby in my arms, away from her mother's delicate human flesh.

_You need to decide, Edward. Let her change or try to draw the poison out?_ he directed.

I looked at Bella with the question in my eyes. We had talked about this at length. She knew it was possible that something could go wrong and we would need to try to change her during the birth.

Bella gazed up at me. "I'm ready," she said through gritted teeth.

I nodded to Carlisle without dropping Bella's gaze.

"I love you," I said to her.

"Forever," she whispered back.

Carlisle rushed to administer the syringes of venom we had prepared, pushing morphine first at each injection site. He worked on every limb at wrist and ankle and then at each juncture of those limbs to her torso. I rushed to the door and handed the baby to Rose. She would take the baby to where Alice and Esme waited to attend her.

Carlisle was just about to inject the large vial of venom into her heart when I was back at Bella's side. She was already writhing in pain, the morphine having done nothing at all to stop the burning.

"WAIT!" she gasped and opened her eyes to look up at me. "Edward," she whispered. "I want your mark. Bite me, please!" Bella turned her head barring her neck to me.

"Bella, no! Please don't make me hurt you more!" I pleaded with her. But she was insistent.

"Mark me, Edward! Make me your mate forever." Bella leaned her head to kiss the hand I had placed on her cheek.

"Mine," I conceded and leaned down to taste her precious flesh and mar it forever with a kiss of death and second life.

Then I waited. For three days I did not move from her side. I read to her from the letters I had written to her for all those years. Having no way to know whether she heard me or not, I still felt the need to tell her all the things that I wanted her to know as I had penned each one.

I kissed her hand and brushed my cheek against hers again just before Rose brought Charlie in to me. The baby reached for my face and demonstrated her amazing talent, showing me what she had been doing downstairs with her aunts.

At nearly three days old she seemed more like three months.

When she finished her tale she wondered when Mommy would wake up. Charlie worried that her mother was still sleeping.

"Soon, Precious. Do you hear her heart beat? It's slowing down. It won't be long until she's like Daddy."

Charlie worried about whether Bella was okay. I didn't know how to answer that question so I just kissed both my sweet girls again and smiled nervously. Together Charlie and I waited for Bella to wake.

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She was there - just thirty feet from me with her radiant smile and eyes so full of love, sparkling with venomous tears - and she was looking at me.

I stood in awe of this glorious creature, standing in a room full of flowers and people. There was silence except for the occasional wayward note, leaking into my consciousness like dewdrops. An errant ray of light struck the sparkling jewel on her left hand, and I became distracted by the tiny shimmer.

I knew with absolute certainty the time, place, and occasion. I had intimate knowledge of the heart and soul of the woman of surpassing beauty who was making her way toward me, the beaded, white lace trailing behind her. I knew the depth of those warm butterscotch eyes better than I knew my own.

The moment I had lived in my mind a thousand times was nothing compared with the reality. The beauty in Alice's vision paled in comparison to the goddess in silk and lace walking down the aisle. If I had thought the sight evoked strong emotion before, I was wrong. So wrong. I was near to bursting as Bella stepped up to me and I clasped her hand.

We made our vows with a single addition that even Alice couldn't foresee. Our daughter, as flowergirl, stood beside her mother, basket of petals clasped in her little, toddler hands. Before God, our friends, and family, I finally made the promise that began eighteen years ago, a promise that would be so very easy to keep – to love, honor, and cherish for always.

My love. My bride. My eternity. My Bella.

…The Beginning…


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